Most alcoholics have a rock bottom, unfortunately that rock bottom is often six feet under. What was your rock bottom? I think my jw's bottoming out point is endless, no end in sight. He could lose his wife, kids, family, house, everything and still he would bow down to the men in NY and feel justified for all the hurt he has caused so many people. I still struggle with victim or willing victim so some days I feel pity for him and most other days I'm just pissed off at the choices he makes. Just a rant. Trying to figure out when I will reach my rock bottom with all this jw crap.
Rock bottom for jw's?
by carla 9 Replies latest jw friends
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Stealth453
That closet is way too dark to enter, sorry.
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educ8self
It's going to be different for everyone, so in order to understand it you'd have to get down to what happens inside rather than the way it shows up in people's lives.
It's like the other thread on what makes someone happy when it all seems empty, it's going to be different for everyone at different times. And actually, even IF you do identify the specific thing for you or another specific person, if you focus on that too much you may not see the inner movement.
But I guess most people really want comfort, which is great in a time of need - but is ultimately only a band-aid. Depending on the wound it can either heal itself, or something else may need to be done so that it can be healed. If you have a bullet or some foreign object in there, you'd want to find it and dig it out.
So step one, stop looking on the outside, the surface of the wound. This includes relying on standard psychological theories without inner exploration, because that is only a general map and you need to find out what's going on in the geography of your mind.
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Hortensia
wow, Carla, I get where you are. It is JW crap, and if he is willing to lose everything to stay a JW, you have to figure out what is good for you and go ahead and do it. It's a load of crap, but if he can't/won't see it, you can't do anything about that. Just decide what you want/need, and what would get you there.
I'm with you!
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Honesty
Most alcoholics have a rock bottom, unfortunately that rock bottom is often six feet under. What was your rock bottom? I think my jw's bottoming out point is endless, no end in sight. He could lose his wife, kids, family, house, everything and still he would bow down to the men in NY and feel justified for all the hurt he has caused so many people. I still struggle with victim or willing victim so some days I feel pity for him and most other days I'm just pissed off at the choices he makes. Just a rant. Trying to figure out when I will reach my rock bottom with all this jw crap.
Carla, my JW lost her husband and home because she refused to discuss the Watchtower Society's vacillating doctrines when they were shown to her right out of the Society's own publications from our extensive library. My JW went ballistic when she saw documented proof that the WTBTS had been an NGO with the UN in secret for nearly 10 years. My JW got very upset at the messenger instead of the message when she saw evidence from the SEC and from the Watchtower Society's Service Desk that the WTBTS owned a large percentage of stock in a company that is involved in weapon delivery systems (RandCam- REGIS). She still continues to bow down to the men in NY all the while knowing that something is just not right. I finally gave up after my JW had my pet euthanised by the local animal pound and accused me of molesting my children because I refused to go back to meetings after I discovered a few very disturbing details about the WTBTS. You cannot change your JW's mind. You cannot turn your JW into the person that you want him to be. You cannot change your JW back into the person he was before the demons of the Watchtower got their grip on him. I learned the hard way after almost 3 years of trying. Sometimes you just have to sit down with pen and paper and list the Pro's and the Con's of staying with a person who is literally destroying themselves by their affiliation with this cult and then decide if the Pro's outweigh the Con's or vice versa and then make a decision based on objectively looking at what your life may very well be like 10 years from now. It is a lot different with your situation than mine because we were both JW's when we met.
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worldtraveller
If it was true, that you can't change anyone, then why are all these people here? Doctors never give up hope on diseases, never give up. Otherwise you lose. I see here in my short few days nothing but winners here.
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greendawn
Carla you refered several times to your JW spouse in the past but I never understood whether he became a dub after you got married or before. Your case is interesting because it shows that JW/non JW marriages, can experience a lot of friction due to their religion.
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educ8self
Well many have changed a lot, but then it's not necessarily someone else changing them - even if they had an influence.
There's also the question of how deep the change is, even though many have left and no longer subscribe to that belief system, often psychologically things are not so clear on one level or another. And if deep change is going to happen, you can't rely on someone else - even an expert like a doctor. It's your life, your mind, you need to do it and you're in the best position to. That's why "hitting bottom" to me is about that depth, the event that happens in your outer life is rather incidental, just a reflection of where you've gone inside.
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carla
Thanks all. Yeah, I know I can't change him, intellectually I know this, somedays I'm just tired. He became a jw after, let's just say between 15 and 20 years of marriage. I know what a marriage was supposed to be like, I remember. The changes that happen to a person when joining this cult are profound. Not just noticable by me either. I won't even get into the interpersonal aspect of how many different ways the marriage itself changes.Then there are the truly ridiculous things that we (me & kids) can only laugh about. Like changing objectionable commercials, wish I could say which in particular but we have already called him on it so I won't. It is truly funny that anybody could find a commercial for a fast food joint so offensive as to change it when it comes on. Oddly he doesn't even realize he does it, but he does. Well I guess I can end this on a humorous note! as I sit laughing myself silly about that commercial. You can either laugh or cry and somedays I just shake my head and think 'what a damn nutcase'.
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ninja
mines was when I sat in a bag of cement