Ruminations..whatever that means....

by Deacon 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • Deacon

    I read with interest Java;s post re: a therapists view of leaving a restrictive religion.

    Using my own experiences, and those of others on the board, it would appear that there are only two ways to go, and one path that has to be taken in order to make sense or order of the situation.

    I had to ask myself and do some heavy research as to what I no longer believe and why.

    This is my present understanding on the matter.

    Shunning is a defence mechanism for the protection of the WTBTS in order to keep members in and neutralise bad press.

    1914 would seem to be in serious error as a correct date in the chronology.

    Dichotomies exist within the organisation as to the anointed of God, the Governing body and rulership thereof.

    Continual guessing and speculation of dates throughout its brief history, is unscriptural, unbalanced and just plain deceitful.

    The elder arrangement is not working. It is run on a set of cast in stone rulings from the Governing Body and proves no function other than to keep dissedents in check...

    There is no real human love in any of the arrangements despite the usage of the words.

    Disfellowshipping destroys families regardless of the public message promoted by the WTBTS.

    Disfellowshipping utilises, grief, sorrow, unworthiness, shame, hurt, physical seperation and unjust means to whip someone to their senses..or return with a broken spirit to be in servitude forever.

    Being a member of the WTBTS is seriously ijurious to personal mental health.

    I no longer believe that the WTBTS has a clear direction from the creator, I no longer believe that the message of urgency is based on accuracy or common sense. I no longer believe that there is a common goal anymore, it has been surpassed by maintaining and increasing material possessons. I have to ask ..why? to what end? What good does another branch office do?
    Recently I was in another country where they had just built a branch..sveral millions of the middle of no where, has no function for printing or for anything really. 3 families live there..answer the phone nothing. It takes hours to visit and no one has seen the reason for it being in that location. Im sure that later on. due to an event.. the brothers will exclaim " that is why it is there!"

    I have lost faith in the whole system, from the reality of the love displayed, to disfellowshipping to information dissemination to ..well just honesty about everything..

    The one path we all have to take, is to be honest with ourselves. We have to look real hard at the evidence that the internet has brought to the forefront and weigh that up carefully.

    It has been like losing all my family. It IS like losing all my family, my heritage, my history my legacies, my future and my past life.

    But..if it wasnt real to start with..the only thing I have lost is human contacts..and if they can not see how hard I tried to make the pieces fit..then shame on them.

    I have been put on the outside, I have been made to feel worthless and valueless, or rather that has been the intention from the whole disfellowshipping fiasco...and it will only work if I let it..

    It still has the chance to destroy relationships with family members still in..they dont come round, they dont call, trying to do the right thing..and that sucks....

    But Im never going back.

    and for those of you who had a hand in the gossip and the hypocrisy..and you know who you are, and you are here reading this despite knowing that you shouldnt.. I want you to be aware that I know about your lapses of judements, your darkest secrets....things which you would have to do a lot of repenting for...
    and Im going to keep that information to myself...because you have to live within your skin and mind and deal with your own twistedness daily...and that is worse than anything I can do to you..because your God has no provision for hypocrisy when you know you are practicing it.You cannot clean enough toilets to gain the self respect that you need in order to have a quality of life that is stay in and live the lie and suffer...because you choose that path..and you cant even do that with honesty.

    I dont know anymore about religion, or God, or Jesus, its all a mess of disgusting emotional turmoil..but I keep reading the bible, reading history, reading religious writings....and keep searching..

    If the answer is that there is no God...then that is the answer. If tha answer is that this is not the time for his involvement in earth.. then that is the answer...if the answer is being a Moslem.. then that is the answer..

    But till then, we just carry on..

  • bigboi

    This pretty much what it's all about man. Now is the time to really enter into the "real" life. I wish you much good fortune on your journey.



  • ladonna


    Great post from one of my favorite posters

    I might also add, I agree with your outlook entirely.
    Life is the here and now; not the "maybe".


    "He to whom emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."

  • nelly136

    lol deacon your last comment reminded me of when I requested to be dfd. There were a few that had a lot to say about it and they were the ones that had the most to hide,
    I could have spilled quite a few beans as a parting shot and wiped a few smug smiles off their faces if I'd wanted to,

  • outnfree


    This post is WAY too insightful to be on Page 2...especially behind the many "the thread is blank" posts!

    Thank you for your 'ruminations'. I found a great deal of wisdom and fellow-feeling in them. You described well the path that most travel when they leave the control of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. I have read of your despair, your self-doubt, your reactions to the injustices visited upon you in past postings. This post reads like you have come to some sort of peace within yourself.
    I hope that is so.


    Par dessus toutes choses, soyez bons. La bonte est ce qui ressemble le plus a Dieu et ce qui desarme le plus les hommes -- Lacordaire

  • LDH

    Deac, when we first spoke via phone over a year ago, I had made up in my mind that this religion was a sham. I know how hard you tried to get me to just trust in Jehovah, and not be so bothered by imperfect man running 'his' organization.

    I didn't want to disillusion you but I knew there could never be a going back for me; now you've gotten to that place too.

    Sucks, doesn't it? The only consolation I have for my childhood of selling magazines is that my daughter will NEVER have to do that.

    Even when she goes to visit my parents, I'm thinking of making them agree to NOT taking her in Field Scam, er Field Service.

    I hope you and NPY are well. As soon as the baby is born I'm planning a trip over to the coast.


  • Deacon

    It takes a little distance to see the extent of the cracks LDH...and most people dont get that perspective because the glue they use to keep you close is strong.

    Deacon who has got his sister and his niece out too..

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