Is Love Never Having To Say Sorry......?

by Englishman 3 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Englishman

  My PO Dad used to tell me that forgiveness is only available to the penitent. As humans, we are under no obligation to forgive anyone, anything, unless the perpetrator expresses repentence.

  Is that right, we don't have to forgive unless we see remorse displayed by the wrongdoer?

  If I forgive someone for a transgresion against me, and that person has no remorse, does that make me a spiritual cuckold? Can't I choose just to let something go, do I have to make a song and dance about a situation until I am satiated with indignation that only an abject expression of remorse can satisfy?

  Somehow, I feel better about something when I just choose to let it go without recrimination, is this wrong then? Must we always insist on the sort of remorse that can stand up to a DF'ing hearing?

  Englishman.

  Nostalgia isn't what it used to be....
• 

  mindfield

  You have a point. Sometimes forgetting someone's errors is just better than having to wait on them constantly for some remorse to ease our mind. Forgiving someone for a small thing is better than enduring the constant mental fatigue.

  However, DF'ing hearings are most often related to the worst "sins" a JW can make... therefore, these hearings revolve around remorse. Of course, if the sin is minute, forgiving should be automatic. But in most cases...

  Anyways, that's what I think...
• 

  think41self

  Hello Eman

  Have I done something to upset you? Is that what this is all about? If so, I sincerely apologize!!!!

  I think you're on the right track. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves...not to benefit the other person. It contributes to our OWN mental health and peace of mind. Sometimes you will NEVER get the other person to even admit to their transgression, much less apologize for it. Of course, I think those people suffer a far worse fate in their lives than worrying about what I may think of them!

  As for the dubs and their "works befitting repentance" may I say......
  
  Anyone can play their little games, and put on their little act of being sorry, just to prevent being df'd. That's not a sincere show of contrition anyway. But we've all seen that before, haven't we?

  think41self

  "Not believing is not the same as not knowing."
• 

  Andee

  Howdy Englishman,

  I believe the seriousness of the transgression is relevant. If a friend says something to me that I find rude or hurtful, yet in general is a good person and was just having a bad day, I would probably let it go. I would consider that a very minor transgression.

  However, if it were something more serious, like physical abuse, forgiveness from me probably would not come unless some sort of apology was made and remorse was expressed. Would I let it go? No.
  I would not, however, allow myself to be eaten away by bitterness.
  I would go on with my life (As I have).

  I also think that forgiving doesn't mean that you have forgotten.

  My .02

  Andee