For those who have kids living with an ex, who continues to promote JW, and whose said kids passively or actively shun you (once in a while or all the time): -What (how much) do you tell your workmates? -Your 'new' family (if you have a post-JW family)? -Yourself? -The ex? -The kids? -The court?
Drama or no drama?
by samiam2b 6 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
lonelysheep
Your kids shun you?
-
ex-nj-jw
My husband nor my children are JW's so this really doesn't apply to me.
But I do have a son, that still sucks the life out of my JW parents, because he's allowed to by them. And I know he, in the past has done or said things they've wanted to hear about me, mostly embelished stories to get grandma and grandpa to do or give him something he wants or to take to focus off of himself.
So I don't divuldge any personal information about myself, my husband or other two children to him or my mother. The less they know about me the better, they don't want me to do well, or for my children to do well. The said that my husband and I would never work and so far everything they have said about me has turned out to be just the opposite.
My suggestion to anyone that has JW family, is to not let them into your personal life. They want to see you fail and will do and say anything to make that happen!
Did I just go off on a rant? I hope I'm not too far off topic
nj
-
carla
Why not explain and educate others about the evilness of this cult? Get the word out, don't let your shunning be in vain. Shame your relatives with their ungodly behavior, they are going to shun you whether you do or not right?
Your kids are shunning you? How old? Send them thinking of you cards, call them and leave loving messages, kill them with kindness. However, that 'kindness' does not mean allowing them to take advantage ($) of you, I have heard of jw kids who will only see the non jw parent if they give them money, or large ticket items. As for the rest of the 'family' they will only gossip about you anyway, the less they know the better. I would always give a good report of my life even if what is in the toilet to them because they will just use you or any exjw as an example of what happens when you leave jah.........................................
New ex jw's have no idea how horrific the org sounds to outsiders (blood issue, suicides, pedophile issue, shunning, etc....), use the horror to educate.
-
carla
PS- you need help with the courts? Try http://www.jwchildcustody.com/
Also try Witness Inc, they had a free dvd about child custody awhile back maybe they still do. Duane Magnini (sp?) is helpful over there. Also try MacGregor Ministries they have some things on child custody and possible help with educating the courts about jws.
Get the copy of the dvd about jw children taught to lie in the court during custody issues. And as always, try Freeminds, a wealth of information there.
-
samiam2b
Thank you for the advice and the links, I had never seen any of those before!
Here is the situation, I'm interested in your thoughts but I will try to make it brief:
Scenario:
-12 and 14 year old dtrs are both now baptised, living with their JW mom in another state. Their mom (my ex) and I both grew up JW, although as adults meeting attendance and service were more or less occasional most of the time. I was emotionally done with the marriage and the religion. Ex did some "fake" suicide stuff, spent a week in a mental hospital, was "cured". She emptied the house when I was at work one day. The next week she took the car I used to get to work and hid it at a JW "friends" house then broke into my new (much smaller studio apt) new place through a window, leaving some belongings... then she gave it back to the bank. (happy happy joy joy)
-When we were separated (working to divorce court) I informed my JW mom that I had a girlfriend (trying to give her the hint that I was getting out of JW-was NOT an affair). Soon my ex knew... and from that moment did not hear from my mom again for a couple of years. We divorced and both moved from the state (to different states). I had to 'bargain' with the ex, DA'd by letter in trade for something (don't remember what now...ha). Younger dtr more interested in seeing dad than the other, continues till today. Psychological issues run in the ex's family and boy does she have issues!
-Now, they are practically best friends with my brothers ex and her PO dad. He and she split years ago after she was baaaddd.... now she is a shining star and my dtrs call her "auntie". My brother hasn't been to a meeting since and is happily remarried, has a child in a christian school, does the holidays, and etc.
-I have visitation rights twice a year. Ex has been in public assistance and low income housing in dangerous area and victim of a break-in. I pay ($$$$) child support that she lived off for the past few years and has just now gotten a job (THAT attitude was the same straw that broke the camels back for our marriage).
Issues:
-14 yo dtr aux pioneered this summer-conveniently unavailable for a visit this summer. She has avoided all christmas break visits. Typical 14 year old girl issues. Goes to great lengths to make sure I get her report cards ($$). She also is very 'self righteous' towards me about anything said or done that she considers to be worldly. I "made" my ex take her for counseling, the ex supposedly couldn't find a real psych doctor so a therapist was used. Dtr didn't want to go and after a couple visits (2 or 3) she was deemed to have no problems according to the ex.
-12 yo dtr recently baptised. She hasn't gone JW on me. She seems fairly stable however, since the split she has gained a lot of weight, substantially. This does effect her and she is self conscious. She has no problem visiting me and even flies alone because of her sister not coming and always gets me her report card also. I've tried to get her mom to see to her physical health, see a nutritionist, pediatrician, trainer, etc all to no avail. No follow-through!
Concerns:
-14yo is going down a path of no return with our relationship become fragile. She went to an orthodontist appt where they told her she needed surgery (her mom was at work so she had a friend drive her)... can you believe that? She was so scared that she immediately called me otherwise she is frequently convenitently too busy for my weekly phone call (normal teen?).
-12yo is going to have major self esteem and health issues. She is very sensitive to any comments about food, choices, nutrition, etc. I am not in a position to properly guide her through this remotely and her mom is not too concerned (even though she is prob 2.5x 'average').
-Mom won't talk to me unless its family business and does not seek a relationship with my new wife or our two little ones. She also won't talk to my brother. She has no prob talking to my sister-who is living in sin-but has not come outright and told her so.
So now that you know my life story... what do you think I should do?
Thanks!
samiam2b
-
ex-nj-jw
Samie - you've got a lot on your plate, buddy!!
I think you should concentrate on the children, leave mom and ex to their own devises. Is there anyway you could move closer to your children and be an active part of their lives? I understand that work and new family may be hard to just move, but kids need need both parents in their daily life. If you were physically closer may be you would be more of an influence on them.
Unfortunately the parent that spends the most time with them usually has the biggest impact when it's the most critical in their development and because mom has some mental (emotional) issues you really need to be there. Just a thought. Let us know how it goes!
nj