I had lunch with my stepson today. This is not a regular or typical occurrence as he is pretty well indoctrinated into the dubs. I am separated (& close to divorce) from his father. At the height of our difficulties, the ex would run to the elders and tell them things about me. I assume it was that I was having doubts, in addition to implying that I had cheated on him. I really don't know because I was pretty well done with the dubs at that point. I just know that he was a regular seat warmer at the meetings. He gave a good impression of being a faithful Christian (the reality was far from it, but hey--I was the one not attending the meetings so what did I know?).
So it came up in conversation with stepson that his father has ceased to attend the meeting altogether for the last 4 months. I can't explain the weird feeling inside me after hearing that. This is a man who hounded me to confess my "sins" to the elders against the advice of my therapist (that story is my first thread on this board if you are that interested in the background) and now he is not even active? Good for him for getting out of the borg, but it just seems strange to me. I know he was seeing someone when I finally moved out of the house and perhaps that has heated up to the point that his "conscience" won't allow him to attend the meetings any longer. I think it may be sadness I am really feeling because I was hoping that he really hadn't cheated on me and that I was mistaken. I didn't want to be mistaken to get back together with him, but because I want to believe that he was a good man deep down inside. *sigh* I wish I didn't care and I wish that whatever this weird feeling is inside me would GO AWAY!
I am just rambling with no real purpose. Thanks for listening.
Weird Feelings
by FreeGirl2006 9 Replies latest jw friends
-
FreeGirl2006
-
exwitless
I don't know what to say, except I'm sorry for your awful circumstances. Hang in there.
-
Gopher
the ex would run to the elders and tell them things about me. I assume it was that I was having doubts, in addition to implying that I had cheated on him.
Something quite similar happened to me while I was still an active JW. The inquisition that followed led to my being wrongly DF'd. Not that I care now.
My ex ending up leaving the JW's too, after she was through pretending to be a good JW. It really doesn't matter to me what she did, I am glad to have moved on.
You can be glad you're getting out of a bad religion and bad marriage. Life has better possibilities without such things.
-
ex-nj-jw
If you didn't feel something, I'd thing something was wrong with you! Whether it's sadness, happyness, anger whatever you are entitled to feel what you feel!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) we are here for ya, hand in there!
nj
-
eclipse
((((((We are here for you, FreeGirl))))))
-
brunnhilde
Ending a relationship roils up a lot of emotions. I know, I'm going through the same thing. Add into the mix the whole cult thing and it definitely gets weird and unsettling and disturbing and all those things. I'm trying to focus on moving forward, acknowledging whatever emotions happen to bob to the top of the pool and trying to make my life better. Talking about it usually helps and it really helps to know that I'm not the only one feeling that way, so I'm glad you rambled *grin*
brunn
-
FreeGirl2006
Thanks for all your support. I think Brunn that you are right....I just need to feel it and move on. Thanks for the support! You guys are the best!
-
unique1
I am glad you were able to meet with your stepson. Sounds like you guys may be able to keep up a relationship.
-
RAF
I'm also with brunnhilde on the matter ... A relation in a marriage is something, the different kinds of relationship you can have with anyone is something else (always related to feelings) but the kind of feeling do change sometimes, it's still love but a different kind (I mean there is a reason why we do love some people at first - and most of the time those reasons stands)
Never been married but I still have a good relationship with a very few of my ex (weither our love affaire went crazy or just end up for any reason like not ready, not compatible in the matter, not having the same expectation in life ...) they actually became very good friends and it feels good to know that it's possible and that you can hold a new kind of relationship it's just another kind of way to love and to be loved. Very often with way more understanding (whatever screw up the love affaire).
Who knows (if he comes to understands you, and that you can understand him) then you haven't really lost him as a potential good friend and can keep a good relationship with the entire familly.
wish you the best.
-
greendawn
You had a very paranoid and twisted husband to accus eyou to the elders while he was seeing someone else. Perhaps as you say the way he treated you now takes its toll on his emotions.