God called me on the phone last night and told me that I'm Abraham reincarnated, and to get ready to sacrifice my son. My problem is this--I don't have any kids. Can someone tell me what he meant? Do you think I should have to pay income taxes to the United States since the states didn't exist in Abraham's time? I suspect he's going to make me a prophet, but I'm a little confused about what I'm supposed to prophesy. He said something about gas prices going up though, so I'll make that my first prophesy.
prophet
by John Doe 9 Replies latest jw friends
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bigdreaux
maybe he'll get some woman pregnant and you can claim him as your own. apparently, he prefers having sex with virgins, but, who doesn't? lol
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BFD
How high will they go?
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IP_SEC
This kind of stuff here has been an aid to prophets for 1000s of years. Im sure it will help you.
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bigdreaux
yeah, and if you don't know where to get any of ip-sec prophet aids, i know a guy. lol
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John Doe
How high will they go?
Look into the heavens, and when the eagle calls out for its brood of nestlings, hungry and raucous, the inflation will begin slowly, and unless these days are cut short no one's bank accounts will survive. Men will be lovers of the Exxon and the Texaco, having no godly sense, perpetuating no fear of waste, exercising no conservation. From these turn away, for the rise of the eagle and the fall of the mustachioed man will coincide with a raping the world has never seen before, and will never see again. Keep faith in the hybrids alive.
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John Doe
But I exhort you brothers to turn your inebriating devices into propellant transportation. Forgo your combustion of the buried Arabian's and instead become exuberant with the astringent fuels. True believers will not have intoxicated cars, but instead they will burn on the earth's power, cultivated by the fruitage of the spirit of labor and toil. Spring brings a bounty of the saving grace for cars.
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changeling
I'm sure someone on here has a child they wouldn't mind donating to your cause.
changeling
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journey-on
Obviously, John Doe, the Scriptures provide ample clues as to what this phone call actually meant. Who does Abraham typify. Well, if we look at his life through the words of the Bible, some of us might conclude that this man of God represents Old Age Fatherhood. You say you have no sons to sacrifice. However, as in the case of Abraham, perhaps you will father a child around, say, 80, 85, or so. Therefore, cling to the promise and have faith that within, oh, I don't know, (how old are you?) 40 or 50 years, a child will be born just so you may have something to give up.
Now you ask, how shall I give him up? Well, perhaps he will misbehave or maybe he will decide to live his life on a different spiritual path. In that case, you will have to do the hardest thing in the world: disassociate him from your life. That's right. Throw him away. Consider him invisible to you.
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John Doe
Yeah, but what does that have to do with the price of a circumcision in Iraq?