OK, so most of you don't know me. That's probably a plus. Anyway, how long ago was it that I arrived here, scared, confused, self-loathing?
Well, this place helped me immensely. As well as reading "Crisis of Conscience" and "In Search of Christian Freedom". And a LOT of work on myself. Was I damaged? Yes. But was I damaged GOODS? Hell, no. I was all right. I always was. I just needed some space, some peace, some quiet - and the chance to believe in myself. To f-up and survive it all. To not be judged negatively because I didn't put in XX hours. Or because I had a cigarette. Or because my skirt was a half inch above my knee. Or got drunk and had sex with someone.
Fast forward to today, and I'm still with the same, loving, wonderful man I was 4 years ago. He loves me. He doesn't abuse me. We ex-JWs, we know how to take abuse. BUT DO WE KNOW HOW TO LOVE? DO WE KNOW HOW TO LOVE OURSELVES?
Tim taught me to love myself. When I could find nothing about which to love in myself, he enumerated my good qualities. But, you see, I knew they existed. I did not allow myself to see them. For that, I blame myself, my parents AND the WTS.
But you don't need a Tim to do this for you. YOU CAN DO IT YOURSELF. If you can get help - so much the better - but you are the one who will have to make it acceptable to love yourself, no matter what the WTS said. No matter what the elders said. No matter what the sisters or the pioneers said. NO MATTER WHAT *YOU* SAY.
JWs - they have a way of making everyone feel terribly about themselves. YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO BUY INTO IT. The TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE - and the truth is -
You're OK. You're more than OK. You're wonderful, really. You always have been. But as a JW, you were never permitted to believe this.
I wish each and everyone one of you a safe, joyous, adventure-filled journey away from the shackles and into glorious freedom to which someone who loves me very much has led me. Jehovah? My long-deceased mother? Myself? Who knows. But I am here.
It is beautiful.
Rosemarie Scott
(I have no problem giving my name - please don't edit it out)
formerly of the Maple Shade, NJ and Erial, NJ congregations