Dating/Witnessing to a Lapsed Jehovah's Witness

by Dogpatch 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • Dogpatch

    I thought this response was excellent from an anon friend who answered this question for me, since we get it all the time!


    Dating/Witnessing to a Lapsed Jehovah's Witness

    Letter from a person inquiring about dating a Jehovah's Witness:

    Thank you for providing such wonderful and blessed materials to combat the cults like the JWs. I just set a date for a "Bible Study" for June 28th. It's with my girlfriend's father. It's a long story how this happened, but I said that I would do it. His daughter and I have been dating for about a year and a half. She was disfellowshipped when I met her and just recently returned to the organization about 6 weeks ago. I wasn't sure how I would discuss with her father on the issue. I'm a little nervous about the study since I've never done this before!

    Do you know of ANY one who has been in this situation? It's rather unique I know. How do you witness to someone who has returned to the JWs? Thanks to your materials, I now KNOW how to witness to her father but not her. If you have any materials for that or can offer some advice, I would GREATLY appreciate it!

    Friend of Free Minds, Inc. Response:

    Greetings friend: Thank you for writing to Randy at Free Minds! We appreciate the opportunity of being able to correspond with you to discuss questions, comments, and views from our friends.

    We regret that your girlfriend has chosen a path that will lead her right back under the same "cult" authority that she was under previously in her life. Truth never fails us and speaking the truth is what is required of all of us if we are going to serve God properly.

    So, why don't we get right into the "meat" of your situation and get the truth out up-front so that you will know what is coming next! What I am about to write to you might hurt a little, but I have dealt with hundreds of these cases and most, if not all, of them turn out the same way. Believe me, I want to write the truth to you and not pull any punches! There are several things you need to find out from your girlfriend before "you" become the next victim of cult deception. Believe me, your life is at stake here! 1. Why was your girlfriend disfellowshipped in the first place? Have you ever asked her? Has she ever volunteered that information to you? 2. Why did your girlfriend wait so long to decide to go back to the Watchtower organization? Why just six weeks ago? Why didn't she go back right after she was disfellowshipped? Would there happen to be any "children" involved in this relationship, or any on the way? 3. Why is your girlfriend's father showing an increased interest in studying with you now after a year and a half relationship with his daughter? Here are some things you might want to consider. Your situation is not at all uncommon. Many JW women who have been disfellowshipped "wait" until they feel that their relationship with a man, is right at the edge of being engaged or right at the edge of marriage, to go back to the Kingdom Hall to attempt to get reinstated. Why? Because they think that the man they are involved with will "follow" them right into the Kingdom Hall, and that the man in this relationship will fear losing the woman if he fails to do so. Behind the scenes (without the man knowing it), the woman has already talked to someone to start a Bible study with the man they are involved with, so that the congregation will assume that "both" in this relationship will become JWs. This puts on a "good appearance" to the congregation and eases the heat of discipline she will be facing when going back to the Kingdom Hall to get reinstated. You have now taken the first step in the plan your girlfriend has for you! You have agreed to have a Bible study and your girlfriend's hopes are now greatly increased that you too will go to the Kingdom Hall with her, and serve as moral support through the process of her being reinstated. This is unfortunate! Why? Because when you decided to have this Bible study with her father, you were saying (in a JWs mind), that you are not really strong in your faith and there is a chance that you are looking for something spiritually more satisfying. Her father will now plan to have an elder in the congregation perhaps come along with him on this Bible study, and then the situation will be 2 against 1 and very difficult for you to make a Christian defense for your faith. This is why your girlfriend waited so long to go back! She has been thinking about this for quite some time I can assure you, but now she believes that you are at the right point where you are too much in love to hurt her feelings to refuse her father's Bible study! Unfortunately, she has you right where she wants you! Does your girlfriend have any idea what she will be facing in an attempt to get reinstated? She is going to have to go to ALL the meetings and if she misses even ONE of them, there had better be a good reason why. She will probably have to arrive at the Kingdom Hall late and leave the Kingdom Hall early before the meeting ends, so that there is NO chance for any of the other JWs to speak to her. No JWs can speak to her while she is disfellowshipped. Her own father is not allowed to be speaking "spiritual matters" with her until she is reinstated. She will most likely be required to go to the meetings for a period of one year and sit there and never be spoken to. Her relationship with YOU can delay her being reinstated! Why? Because JWs are encouraged to only have relationships with other JWs and this is one reason why she wants YOU to have a Bible study! Even if she passed all the tests in getting reinstated, she will still be on a "probationary" period of one year "after" she is reinstated, which means, there will be certain privileges in the congregation she will not be able to participate in. As long as you are NOT a JW her relationship with you will be frowned upon and some of the JWs in her congregation will shun her as long as YOU are not coming to the meetings or showing interest in the Watchtower organization. The elders can tell her to cut off her relationship with you and if she doesn't then she may never be reinstated. This is one of the reasons why her father wants to have a Bible study with you. Her father knows that if you do not become one of Jehovah's Witnesses, that his daughter could change her mind and stay out of the organization to be with you. Her father wants BOTH of you sitting right beside him in the Kingdom Hall making a good show for all the congregation to see! This will make her father look good, and make his daughter look good. The other JWs in the congregation will say: "Look at the good fruit Jehovah is producing through this relationship!", and then you are "toast" as far as having any freedom in your life. By the way, her father will be bringing the New World Translation into your home and most likely will request for you to read from it. Are you aware that the New World Translation was translated with the help of a "spirit medium"? Are you going to allow this into your home? This is only a suggestion, but if it were me, I would put a stop to that Bible study right now, before you get yourself in to deep and there is no way out! Little by little, you are being eased right into the clutches of a cult and if you do not do something about it right now, then your heart could cause you to give in to the wishes of her father. You are being "spiritually" set-up, and the odds are against you if you do not act now! How can you minister to your girlfriend right now? 3 things! 1. Tell her you are not going to have the Bible study with her father. Period! 2. Tell her that you have no intentions of becoming a JW. Period! 3. Tell her you are satisfied with your faith and do not believe the Watchtower can replace what you believe in. End of story! Then stand back and watch the reaction you get! Does your girlfriend love you for who you are? Or does she hope to "mold" you into the man she wants you to be? Is she only going to love you if you become a JW? What would happen if you were to invite her to your church? Once you let a JW know that you are not going to back-down to their demands, then they can see that your faith in what you believe is stronger than the faith they have in the Watchtower! That is the best witness you can give her right now. The truth! Let her know that if she wants to become a JW she will have to do this by herself, because you have no intentions of being controlled by a cult. Keep us posted. We are right here if you need us! It is not my intention to sound stern, but when a man's life is at stake, I do not take the long way around the barn to get to the main points. Put a stop to this Bible study now while you still can! Thousands of people are Jehovah's Witnesses right now today because they did not put a stop to their first Bible study with a JW! We hope that some of this information has helped to answer your questions. Thank you once again for writing to Randy and if we may assist any further, please do not hesitate to write to us. We are not part of Randy's staff, we are close friends of Randy who assist when Randy is working on the Free Minds Journal. My wife and I are (former) witnesses who served in the Watchtower organization for 45 years.

  • silversurfer1

    It was an awesome reply for this young man. He has a very difficult challenge before him because of his feelings for this girl. Your anom friend gave him the ammo he needed to help him defend his life & faith before he gets completely sucked in. In my years in this group I saw this scenario played out far to many times. The shame is that these young girls and women truly think they are doing whats best for them and their boyfriends. I hope this young can break free from the clutches of this cult.

  • Gayle

    I have seen this happen many times. Also, the circumstance, when a young man left JWs or disfellowshipped, had a girlfriend/new wife, would go back, & she became a JW & then not long after, he left the JWs again & her.

  • Dogpatch

    I get at least one guy or girl a week with this situation!


  • lookingover

    I am what you would call a "lasped" Jehovah's Witness. This is the only time you will hear from me. Please do not respond or write back, I simply will not answer. The statements made in this forum "Dating/Witnessing to a Lasped Jehovah's Witness" is full of lies and untruths. Especially this statement -- Behind the scenes (without the man knowing it), the woman has already talked to someone to start a Bible study with the man they are involved with, so that the congregation will assume that "both" in this relationship will become JWs. This puts on a "good appearance" to the congregation and eases the heat of discipline she will be facing when going back to the Kingdom Hall to get reinstated. This is a blatant lie. Whether or not the woman receives discipline has nothing to do with whomever she is dating, whether he becomes a JW or not. It is a lie within in itself. Why would the congregation assume that both will become JWs if the woman is already a JW. Grow up. The people who are running this site are immature hate mongers, for whatever their reasons. I have been gone from the Kingdom Hall for 1.5 years because I was dating someone who was not a JW, by my own choice and not because of any other reason. I am also returning to my Kingdom Hall, without the man, by my own choice. And no one has gone behind anyone's back or done anything without anyone knowing. To the young man who asked the original question. You need to make an informed decision. Study with the girl's father. That is how you will learn the truth. And that is how you will find out what is best for you, not what someone else tells you, and especially from people who are filled with hatred. Only you can know what is best for you. Then you can decide whether or not you will continue. A builder cannot build a house with the knowledge to do so, and you cannot make this decision until you learn all the facts. There are some who will say that I am trying to coerce you into becoming a JW. I am not; I am only asking you to get the facts before you decide. And listen to yourself to decide what is best for you.

  • Highlander

    I've been a witness to many of those 'situations'. I don't know if my experience is the norm, but it has always been j-dub sisters™ that go through a wild phase in their life and then retreat back to the dubs with a boyfriend or husband in tow. I can think of four sisters™ in the congregation I was raised in, that did this exact thing. And unfortunately the guys they brought with them, became passive and sometimes very active j-dubs.

    At least lookingover has the personal integrity to leave her bf behind and then come back to her religion, but in most cases they end up dragging a victim back into the cult with them.

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