I never would've made it (and social reinforcement for self-consistency)

by IP_SEC 6 Replies latest jw experiences

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  IP_SEC

  I look back at my life as a JW and you know what? I know I never would have made it through Armageddon any way.

  I realized for a long time I was just a walking meat sack to Jehovah. Only thing I didn't understand was why he would allow me to be in his organization? Why would he allow me to gain the privilege and status I had among the Jws?

  I had a lot of trouble accepting everything in the Bible. Like how the heck did Sampson catch 300 foxes and light them on fire to mess with the Philistines?

  How could a god of love kill so many people for wickedness if they didn't know him? Just because they happened to be born at the wrong place at the wrong time?

  I was interested in the occult and mythology from an anthropological point of view. I was interested in the martial arts. Captivated by lost/past civilizations whose time periods seemed to conflict with bible chronology.

  Absorbed by sciences like GR, QM, Chaos, and Super String that seemed to me to nullify Jehovah. The multiverse... where is an all powerful god in that? Just in this universe?

  Evolution- seemed to make sense to me. Technology seemed to hold out more hope to me than Jehovah.

  I was a lecherous person, even though I didn't act out on it.

  A libertarian/anarchist life was more of what I wanted than a communal paradise.

  I don't like anyone telling me what to do.

  It goes on and on.

  I knew I would die at Armageddon. I just figured that if I was going to die I might as well do my best to help maybe someone else make it. I immersed myself in preaching and other congregational activities. At least that way my birth on this planet would not have been a complete wash.

  It took a long time but slowly all the inconsistencies in my soul congealed in to one self-consistent philosophy. I found ya'll and realized I wasn't crazy after all.
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  brinjen

  I look back at my life as a JW and you know what? I know I never would have made it through Armageddon any way.

  I can relate to that, I remember feeling exactly the same way. I never felt a part of their organization even though I was raised as one. I felt there was nothing I could ever do that would be enough for Jehovah to let me into his new system. It's a horrible feeling.

  They're very much like polititians in that way, they use the fear angle, make you work your arse off dedicating your whole life to them and that you need them to have any hope of not dying a torturous death at armaegeddon.

  I was interested in the occult and mythology from an anthropological point of view. I was interested in the martial arts. Captivated by lost/past civilizations whose time periods seemed to conflict with bible chronology.

  Same here, I still practice yoga. I never bought the whole 'meditation exposes you to possession of demons' rap. Again, the fear factor to make you feel you need them.

  It took a long time but slowly all the inconsistencies in my soul congealed in to one self-consistent philosophy. I found ya'll and realized I wasn't crazy after all.

  To quote one of my favourite bands, Green Day from their song 'Minority'

  A free for all

  F#&k them all

  You are your own sight!

  You're not the only one by a long shot I think there will be plenty on here agreeing with me...
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  arrowstar

  ((Matt))

  welcome home, sugar
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  tetrapod.sapien

  WORD up IP_SEC!

  tetra
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  stillajwexelder

  and I know I will not make it through the Big A - I am on this board with all you will poztates

  IP SEC - now that you have put it like you have , my experience is similar. I was facsinated at the design of a ballistic missile submarine ( in other words I had not beaten my sword into plowshares etc). How you can have a boat submerged underwater sustaining a crew and can launch a rocket (24 actually) from under water that each has 10 warheads on that can independently target 10 targets (MIRV technology) - nuclear on non-nuclear. I was absolutely awed at the design and technology and engineering that went into that
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  stillajwexelder

  I was a lecherous person, even though I didn't act out on it.

  Me too - I often would come home from meetings and masturbate if my wife wouldnt have sex with me - all because of seeing a hot sister or two. I remeber doing microphones and holding the microphone and looking down at a sisters heaving cleavage - and I used to think -"I cant stop looking and this is in a Kingdom Hall - no way am I going to get through Armageddon"
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  IP_SEC

  What up sapian!

  brijen I have meditated for years even as a dub.

  stilla. Right on dude, right on.