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LibraLady

I really need some advice for a problem that is really bothering me and that is why I signed on to this site. I have become estranged completely from my dear sister who has become a dedicated JW. I am sure that many of you have heard stories like this before but it really hurts me. I have tried to tell her that it has been since she became a JW that she slowly separated from the family. (first, of course, she tried to convert us) It has taken many years and the estrangement has been insidious and she absolutley denies that the religion had anything to do with it. I feel like I am talking with someone who has left this earth or a Stepford wife. She is so obsessed with this religion and so deep into it that she is incapable of seeing the effect it has had on others including her own children.

What can I do to find some peace with this? Has anyone out there experienced this with a loved one?

Thank you for listening.

What-A-Coincidence

Welcome!!! Please feel at home amongst friends!

I suggest the following reading material (Which has been discussed in detail here in jwd)

Brother Apostate

There's always hope!

If you try to expose the truth about the JWs by talking to her directly, she could (likely will) dig her nails in deeper to the cult, pulling further away from you.

Or, you could try anonymously mailing her Bible Scriptures that conflict with the JW teachings, previous JW articles that they have flip-flopped on, information on identifying a cult mentalty, etc. All of these can be found on this forum. I would make sure the mails are sporadic and anonymous, lest she cut you off alltogether.

Or, you could be patient, hoping she figures it out on her own.

She's in a cult, after all.

BA- Been there, done that.

greendawn

Welcome Libra lady, unfortunately the JW cult imperceptibly causes its members to be cut off from society by feeding them ideas like the whole world outside the JWs is satanic and an enemy of God and that they will soon be exterminated by Him. The JWs are far superior and select. Also ideas like never dying also cause alianation from those who believe they are mortal.

LeslieV

First welcome Libra, glad you are with us.

I am sorry to say that I know what you are going through, because I did it to my family. When I became a JW, they teach you over and over, that those that are faithful will leave their father and mother, and who loves their family more then God is not worthy of him. So you are correct she is pulling away from you. You are taught paranoia...the world is against you..and if you are not a JW then you are in the world. Translation: If you are not a JW then you are not worthy to associate with, because after all if you are in the world you will die...period. So active JW's pull aways from their "worldly family" so that they do not feel sorry for you when you are killed by Jehovah.

It is so sad for family members who watch this happen to those they love. It is like addiction problems, you watch your loved one over and over destroy themselves, but until they can see what they are doing, or they reach rock bottom, no matter what you say or do they do not listen. It is exactly the sameway in a cult. You can tell them, beg them, show them proof that what they believe is inaccurate, but until they themselves see what you are saying, it is a waste of your energy.

You and your family need to raise above their behavior, and still show love and consideration. It is the only way you can keep guilt away from yourself. No matter what she does you know you did the best you could.

Good Luck.

Leslie

garybuss

I think some Witnesses, especially those of the converted type, are running from, rather than running to. An example: I know one family who's adult married sister with minor children at home, joined the Witnesses after a door to door cold call. She had a troubled marriage and her family suspected she was getting away from her husband by joining the Witnesses. The husband was opposed to the woman associating with the Witnesses but he allowed her to pursue the Witness group.

I helped the family to keep rapport and after a couple years the Witness convert's husband took a 18 month construction job out of town. Almost right away the convert disassociated from the Witnesses.

Time passed and I got a call from the convert's sister telling me that as soon as the disassociated Witness's husband finished his out of town job and moved back home, she rejoined the Witnesses by applying for reinstatement. The reinstatement was soon accepted in the small congregation, and the woman is back to zealous Witness activity without her husband.

I believe this woman is not attracted to the Witnesses because of their teachings. She celebrated holidays with her family during the disassociated time. I believe she is using the Witnesses. You might say she's taking advantage of them. She has a problem at home with no easy solution. She's trapped at home in a small town with no money and with dependant children and a husband she really doesn't like.

The Witnesses offered her a solution to her big problem but it came at the cost of somewhat of a loss of normal relationships with her family of origin. As soon as she's back with the Witnesses the Witnesses invade her life and micro-manage her personal life by monitoring her and monitoring her compliance with group rules and guidelines. This is a weak person with strife in her life. She was raised in a very superstitious religious home and she's a type manageable by the Witnesses.

I suspect if her husband leaves town again the Witnesses won't appeal much to this woman. She uses them, they use her. I think this happens in more than a few cases.

Quandry

Welcome to the forum.

Yes, I also was one of the ones who kept my family at arm's length. After all, they are not good associates, because they do not encourage meeting attendance at the Kingdom Hall, and may (horrors) have pagan holiday celebrations. They are doomed to die at Armageddon because they are not true believers.

As you read information on this board, and maybe look at the freeminds website, you will find out why many of us are no longer witnesses.

As for advice, I truly don't believe that if any family member began talking against doctrine to me, I would have listened. I would have instead dug in my heels and gone even further away from family contact, feeling ever so self-righteous.

What I did not know, however, was that there were sites on the web like Silent Lambs, that shows the destructive way many young ones were molested and their perpetrators are still in good standing.

I like to think that if this was brought to my attention, I would have listened. Perhaps you can ask in a nice way if some of the information you have read about witnesses is true. Ask in a way that is just to gather information. Perhaps ask her opinion on why these things are happening.

Hope you can find out some things that may help.

bigmouth

The first thing JW's tell a Bible student is that they will get opposition from family and friends because of studying with them. Satan is the one doing this therefore opposition is proof that they are doing something that pleases Almighty God, The Supreme One of the Universe!

So anything anti-Witness will be counter productive. Instead try and stay in contact with her and learn counter measures to Witness rhetoric by visiting sites like this.

When the love bombing stops she needs to know her family loves her.

blondie

Welcome Libralady.

I grew up in a family where my father was not a JW but my mother was.

We associated with both JWs and never-been-JW family members.

I think the key here is when your sister first was studying and becoming a JW, through concern did you say or do things you wish you had not?

Sometimes when people are new JWs all they do is talk, talk, talk JW doctrine. Never-been-JW family feel rejected when birthdays and holidays are no longer celebrated.

We made an agreement to never talk about religion. Some of biggest fights were really between one Catholic great uncle and one atheist cousin. It was a good rule (no politics either).

We organized family gatherings that both JWs and non-JWs could come to, family picnics, anniversary parties, barbecues, skating parties with cocoa and popcorn at grandma's afterwards. You could make it a small dinner party.

Since JWs don't smoke (as 3/4 of the population in the US don't), if there are smokers in your home and your sister is sensitive to smoke, going to a restaurant could work.

Think of some topics that you both enjoyed in the past, a hobby, a trip to a well-remembered place, memories of loved family that have passed, etc.

Love, Blondie

unique1

WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would say most of us here have experienced this to one degree or another. Some have successfully gotten people out. You could anonomously mail her a copy of Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz ( a former Governing Body member) Or send her info on vaccination theory that I am sure she is unaware of. http://www.gotriad.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070322/GTCOM0190/61005009/-1/

Ask her if she would have put her children at risk for the Governing body. She could have been disfellowshipped at that time for vaccinating her children. Look how long it went on. Until 39 and with no apology, just an Oh, we aren't Dr's nearly 15 years later. Think of all the children that suffered and possibly died needlessly because those faithful witnesses back then. Maybe that will wake her up.

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