Kifflom! Take me to my mother mother father father Kifflom!

by ILoveTTATT2 3 Replies latest jw friends

  • ILoveTTATT2

    Turns out that if you have ever played Grand Theft Auto V, you may have gone through a series of missions to... join and leave a cult!

    That's right!! There's not one, but TWO cults in GTAV. One is called the Altruist Cult, they are like the Jim Jones of GTAV, and then there's Kifflom, a mockery of scientology. But it's interesting how Rockstar understands cults...

    I love how they parody cults... here are some "Testimonials":

    "Kifflom changed my life. I used to have a well paid job, a family and good prospects. Now, I've given that up to find real meaning in wearing light blue and proclaiming my real religion. Kifflom!'

    "I was lost. Luckily, I now go to regular meeetings of a cult group and give them lots of money, so everything is okay."

    "At first, I was nervous about giving up my identity and sleeping with all of those men, but I really enjoy it now."

    Here are some of the tenets of the cult:

    1. The world is 157 years old - FACT!

    2. Dinosaurs are a lie that people believe because they are weak - FACT!

    3. You are happy, you just don’t know it - FACT!

    4. We all come from the same tree - FACT!

    5. Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair - FACT!

    6. Sperm does not exist - it is a lie spread by biology teachers - along with everything else you have ever been told - FACT!

    7. Men are supposed to lie with nine new partners a week. Women are supposed to lie with six, except for in July, when they must lie with five men a day - FACT!

    8. Aliens exist and are present on earth. If you have a birth mark, you may be descended from Kraff, the famous Emperor of the 4th Paradigm - FACT!

    9. Trees talk, but only some people hear them - FACT!

    10. People who believe in something live much longer than atheists, and they have eternal life thrown in for good measure - FACT!

    11. If you believe this and turn your hands and wallet over to EPSILONISM, you’ll live a happy life. Otherwise you are doomed - FACT!


    If you didn't know this, maybe you should read the Epsilon Tract.

    The missions are increasingly stupid (mimicking cults), and at the end you can leave the cult and betray them and get $2.1M, or leave the cult and do as they say (and you get an old tractor).

    Here's where they REALLY parallel the witnesses: The name of the missions:

    Seeking the TruthAccepting the Truth
    Assuming the TruthChasing the Truth
    Bearing the TruthDelivering the Truth
    Exercising the TruthUnknowing the Truth

    Weird right??

  • AudeSapere

    And JWs think they alone are special and unique with the 'Truth'.


  • WingCommander
    Gotta be a ex-JW programmer in that game series. lol
  • ILoveTTATT2

    I just found out that there is even a cult exposer website on GTAV!!

    No freaking way!!

    This is the cult abandonment website of GTA 5

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