Describe your encounters with a DFed person

by Nosferatu 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • Nosferatu

    Now, I'm not talking about now where you're free to talk to anybody you like, but your experiences as a JW where you encountered someone who was DFed.

    I recall one. I remember answering the phone, and a former friend of my mother (DFed) called. I passed it to my mother and one of her first questions was "Have you been reinstated?" I remember her telling her after hearing the "no" answer that she couldn't talk to her and quickly got off the phone.

    It was a bit frightening for me at the time (I was around 12 years old) knowing that this person was evil. Now that I look back on it, all I can do is shake my head.

    So, what are your experiences?

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee


    On my honor I never called your mother

    I kinda wonder how Twitch felt when he met me

    In Montreal there was a fellow who at one time lived with my uncles and grandmother. He was in pretty bad shape emotionally and was DFed. I felt bad for him and when I saw him I would try to encourage him to come back. (I figured that was OK since I considered him family)

    Interestingly after I was DFed I ran into him and he said he was reinstated and was now going to encourage me to come back.

    Well I sighed and reminded him that he wasn't supposed to talk to me.

  • MeneMene

    I always hated DFing sooo bad I am sure I would have gone out of my way to speak to a DFed person. It's been so long I'm having a hard time remembering specific instances of people outside the family.

    There was one cousin, a biological sister, a nephew. It did not change my friendship/relationship with them at all.

  • nicolaou
  • Gill

    I ALWAYS spoke to DF'd people if they spoke to me and at worst they would receive a smile. I could never treat a person as if they were dead.

    There was a DF'd lady whose son was in my sons' class. We used to say hello as usual. Then one day she told me how she had been burgled the evening before and everything taken from her childrens bedrooms and anything of value. We walked out of school together and chatted. I was approached later by an elders wife who read me the riot act but I ignored her. She said she would be reporting me and the DF'd lady to her husband and nothing came of it. I just couldn't stoop as low as they wanted me to.

    I LIKE DF'd people. I know they are human and the rest of the JWs just haven't been 'caught out' yet!

  • bernadette

    My husband has a few disfellowshipped ones in his family and if ever they were present when we visited his parents we'd speak to them sort of guardedly. That gave me my cue I think looking back - I was a very submissive wife. So when a study of mine got disfellowshipped I could not bring myself to ignore her totally - we'd smile at each other and say hi, but that was it. Shamefully I did not give her the support and encouragement she needed at the time.

    Another sis who got disfellowshipped and wanted to be reinstated always approached my husband through me. She would do this at the meetings too. Those nearby would look at us but no one ever said anything. We would have quite long conversations when she rang to speak to my husband.

    Unfortunately she never got re-instated but I have seen her since and she looks much happier out of the organisation.


  • chrissee

    My best friend was disfellowshipped when I was younger (about 19 we were). We lost touch because she moved away and got married. But when she started coming back to the hall to work on being reinstated I walked right up to her at the beginning of the meeting in front of the entire hall and said - I've missed you! - I told my mother I was going to go say hi and she warned me not to, but I had missed my friend.

    My friend got in trouble with the elders, because she was working on reinstatment - They never said anything to me about approaching her.

    I've said hi to others in passing (outside of the hall) I remember a DF'd sister saying, - you know I'm DF'd? I said, Yeah, so?

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    I've had various family members df'd at one time or another. One was my aunt, and we never shunned her. I used to love going to her house and staying over with my cousins. My brother was df'd twice and we didn't shun him either.

    Others at the hall, I would always try and make eye contact, offer a smile etc, and if I saw them around town would talk to them (sometimes they were too afraid/embarrased to talk though).


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