Verbal bullying

by Lady Lee 9 Replies latest jw friends

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  Lady Lee

  Can someone please expalin this to me.

  We live in a culture where bullying at school has become a major problem. Some kids have commited suicide because of it. Some have taken guns to school to "deal with" the ones who bullied them.

  The problem is so bad that some schools are bringing in special programs into the schools to help break down the barriers that sometimes encourage these bullying behaviors

  So.... with a lot of attention on the issue of bullying in schools we now have commercials that legitimize bullying.

  Example 1: Hairapy commercials. The "speaker" is yelling insults to women about their hair. It is so dry it could start a fire if someone lit a match as well as other comments.

  Example 2: A hot line number that you can call to get insults "Yo mama. . . "

  I know there has been others but can't remember them at the moment.

  What gives? I just don't get it.

  Or maybe they don't get it and think there is no connection between what kids hear on TV and their behavior out in the world
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  Outaservice

  Does it ever happen on any of the threads posted here?

  Outaservice
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  compound complex

  Dear Lady Lee,

  Ironic that a high school friend and I were discussing this very subject two days ago. Forty-five to fifty years ago, when we were subjected to bullying, it may have been less harrowing, i.e., life-threatening, than it is today. I recall the embarrassment of my mother coming to school when I was in 7th grade to get one matter straightened out. The bullies were nice to me after that intervention. I don't recall the details. But my appearance was the factor. And I was very sensitive. Was thinking before even seeing your thread - why in the world didn't I just hit them back? Wasn't a JW at that time.
  Well, I may have been a 97 pound weakling, but I took a Charles Atlas course and no bully ever kicked sand in my face again!
  I realize you specified verbal bullying, but I got it all in combination. And there was an occasion in first grade when a kid named Pepper beat me up in the bathroom, the janitor saw us and collared both of us. We both were punished. No justice!
  I wish I had up-to-date information for you. Back in the '50s, the "violence" such I experienced, didn't seem to create the anguish that the VIOLENCE today does. Verbal and physical. Both are painful.

  CoCo
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  Lady Lee

  Outa

  Of course it happens here. We do try to clamp down on it. Personally I find it the worst when people are baiting a WT apologist. I don't think it is ever possible to win an argument when people are disrespectful to each other

  coco

  50 years ago when I was in school I went through the same kind of bullying. Some of it even became sexual

  The old saying was "Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me"

  Well we have discovered that is wrong. It does hurt

  I think today it is worse because it has become lethal. But the line has to be drwn somewhere and stopping it when it is small is a lot easier than after it has become a steam-roller that is out of control
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  jgnat

  "Steam roller that is out of control." That reminds me of the behavior of trends that I read in "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell. Basically, once something becomes "hot", it can spread through our society as fast as a virus. We've seen it, I think, with the Columbine shooting. A kid models a behavior that resonates with our society and POOM it is all over the place.

  That would explain the desperate attempt to stem bullying in schools by the authorities AND the verbal bullying on television. Bullying has become a virus spread through our society.

  The book really doesn't go much in to how to STOP a virus once it's spread. We'd have to influence the counterculture youth in our malls and skateboard parks that it is somehow COOL to be nice.
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  Nosferatu

  Bullying is an interesting subject.

  Even though I was subject to it, my view is that "bullying" is a natural way of seperating the weak from the strong. It happens in nature, and it happens in the human race. Although it's not fair, it does the job it's supposed to.

  When I was at a pool in Saskatchewan while visiting my brother, I saw some anti-bullying posters posted above the urinals in the washroom. I believe these campaigns help make bullying worse than better, and I couldn't help but get a Watchtower flashback where it says to "confront the bully". I tried that, and it doesn't work.

  They should focus on the source of bullying, not try to remedy an already bad situation. It's like trying to fix a marriage involving a couple who constantly fight and don't love each other. The best way to stop bullying is to work at starting fresh, and learn how to prevent it from happening in the future. That's how I stopped it.
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  Lady Lee

  Nos

  I've seen a few of these programs huightlighted in news programs Either Dr. Phil or Oprah had shows on it. They get the kids in the gym and get them really talking to each other - to the ones they usually ignore. The activities break down the barriers and help the kids see what it on the inside and that kids are dealing with all kinds of serious issues. And it helps build empathy for others.

  It won't help the angry kids but it might soften the some of the percieved differences.

  Hopefully it is a step in a new direction for many of these kids
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  J-ex-W

  ALL physical abusers start out as verbal abusers. --Not all verbal abusers progress to physical violence, but [repeat] ALLphysical abusers start out as verbal abusers. Something to be aware of.

  And Lady Lee, I know what you mean about the commercials. There's a Burger King one where the two office mates tell the one guy in a French sounding accent what an uacceptable geek he is, or whatever, making fun of his name. I've always been bothered by that one. I mean, honestly--who is supposed to be the target audience for that one? Who is supposed to be moved to believe that Burger King belongs with the elite k-e-w-l ones because of this?

  --whatever
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  Scully

  All of my kids have had issues with bullies at school.

  The eldest was always taller than his classmates and was verbally harassed and bullied by a smaller, mouthier kid for a couple of years. The school did nothing about it until the bully crossed the line physically and young Master Scully beat the living daylights out of him. Master Scully received a two day suspension from school for that altercation, and it cost me two days' worth of lost wages. Since the school refused to intervene with our previous complaints about the little monster, I consider it a price worth paying, because the bullying stopped dead in its tracks after that. Don't get me wrong - I gave Master Scully the low-down on how wrong it is to take these things into his own hands. But I do understand how his breaking point was reached. The school was unwilling to take any action against the verbal bullying - they supposedly have a "zero tolerance" rule - but they only decided to apply it when it came to physical altercations. They are just as much at fault that it escalated to the point that it did, imo.

  My youngest used to receive hate IMs from a girl in her class... including death threats. We printed out the IM conversations and emails, took them to the school principal (different school) and said we wanted the police involved due to the nature of the death threats, and if he wasn't going to help us and call the police for an issue between his students, then we would do it ourselves and include his name in the complaint. Big meeting ensued. The other girl's parents were shown the printouts of the IM conversations and emails... they were positively mortified.

  Long story short, there were a few therapeutic interventions between the girls and some counsellors, and now they are friends because they discovered some things that they had in common. I'm the one who is having mixed feelings about the friendship.... wondering when all hell is going to break loose again.

  Some good books on bullying:

  The Bully, The Bullied and the Bystander - Barbara Coloroso
  Queen Bees and Wannabes - Rosalind Wiseman

  In a workplace setting, bullying goes by a different name: mobbing. It's the same activity, although it is more likely to be carried out in more subtle, emotionally destructive ways than in the form of physical altercations, and thus is more difficult to prove.

  The basic premise is the same: exclusionary tactics are undertaken against a targeted individual; campaigns are launched to ostracise the targeted individual to undermine their position, sabotage their work, etc.

  Titles include:

  Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace - Noa Davenport, Gail P. Elliot & Ruth D. Schwartz
  The Bully at Work: What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job - Gary Namie, Ph.D.
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  Lady Lee

  wow Scully I don't blame Master Scully for finally setting the limit since no one else would. And yup I'd be a little hesitant about the new friendship between the gilrs

  mobbing - I hadn't heard that before but I know I've experienced it.

  I was thinking about sonmething earlier. I hate watching the Simpson's and another cartoon for adults show. I hate them. They seem to think it is OK to say things from one cartoon character that a real actor would never want to say. And people laugh

  Maybe this is just my pet peeve but it has stuck around for a very long time. And I don't think I ever want that part of me that is turned off by insults to change