What was I thinking?

by changtech 2 Replies latest jw friends

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  changtech

  I don't know if anyone remembers me from a few months ago. I talked about being in a very serious relationship with a JW. We did breakup, but when youre honestly in love with someone, and they claim the same, it's sometimes hard not to get back together.

  So that is what we did. He started pestering me about studying again, and I just acted nonchalant about it. He still claimed he could 'only marry in the Lord'..so I better convert. He didn't put it mean like that, but that's how it felt. Then someone told me that he was emotionally abusing me. I always felt inferior, because I had to live up to what he wanted me to be, even though he said he was in love with me. It hurts very badly, and I wish I knew more about the JW's before I got into the relationship. I do know tons now though!

  Anyways, we broke up, and I told him it would have been so much simpler if he just compromised. AKA: letting me find God on my own. He flat out said NO. Just for the record, he is not a typical JW, you might even say he is one who lives a double life. So, I am just very confused as to why he is so stern with me about converting..well I know most is brainwashing.

  I am just very hurt right now. But I am happy I didn't succomb to his expectations, because I am a free-willed person, and have the right to be with someone who loves me for me.

  I guess the moral of the story is, either be very careful when dating a JW, or just don't do it!
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  Dismembered

  Greetings changtech,

  Congrats on doing the right thing. You've saved yourself a lot of heartache by dumping him now. He probably is "living a double life" as so many in that hideous cult do. It's a great thing that you didn't cave to his demands.

  Your hurt and anger will evaporate. Cheers to you!

  Dismembered
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  LovesDubs

  I can tell you still have feelings for him. Remember my friend, that the JWs are raised and trained to CONVINCE people to join them. They are born and bred salesmen. And they sell their version of God. There is no such word as compromise. It will be HIS way or the HIGHWAY and the future would only hold misery for you. If you were married to him, he would consider that ownership and therefore his "job" would be to convert you and your children to his cause. He obviously... QUITE obviously...writes his own rules about what is required of a JW or he wouldnt be with you in the first place. The thought wouldnt even have occurred to him. He would try to bring you into the fold to assuage the guilt he has for getting involved with a worldly person to begin with. That would be his saving grace. "See mom? I told you that she would come to Jehovah! I KNEW she was a worthy one! I could TELL she was a sheep! I know she will make a wonderful submissive, wife (read 'slave')".

  Now...you need to cut off contact. Dont start dwelling on all the "fun" you had or his puppy brown eyes or the way he held you while you watched that sunset...you get my drift. Thats all window dressing. Block his phone number, lose his address honey. You did good.

  Dont look back. And in the future...make "what is your religion" one of your first questions of a guy. And if he says "Christian" say what CHURCH do you go to. If he says "hall"...RUN.

  Thanks for keeping us up to date. Stay around, read, empower yourself.

  LovesDubs