Few deep thoughts or feelings

by TR 8 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  TR

  It seems that most on this forum are deep thinkers. There is much agonizing over the experiences each one has had. There was trauma, crisis' of conscience, terrible things seen and done. How things were dealt with then and now. I certainly feel for each one of you in your situations.

  On the other hand I seem to have come out of the WT experience relatively unscathed. I saw some things I didn't like, I had some personality conflicts, the usual problems that weren't too hard to deal with. I had doubts about doctrine, but not enough to prompt serious study. My biggest problem was how to balance family life and JW life. I stressed out somewhat, quietly slipped away, had nagging doubts and guilt for a couple of years, but in no way did it hobble me in the least.

  My point to all of this rambling is; what were my motivations for becoming a JW in the first place? Was it because of my vast amounts of research leading me to the WTS? No. There was no research. I'm starting to realize that I was scared into being a JW. I was in it to save my own ass. There was no deep thinking going on here. Oh, there were the "feel good" times when I thought I was helping people, but even THAT was about saving myself. It was never about "what can I do for God". I think I'm an inherently selfish person. Once I discovered the bogus nature of the WTS, all guilt for leaving left me. All in all, my experience was a waste of time for the most part, it caused some strife between my wife and me, but that's about it. Things ARE much better now. I carry no scars from my experience. If anything, I've learned not to be as gullible. I also feel that I'm leading a much more honest life as an xJW. So why do I post on these forums? Maybe I was affected more than I know. Or, maybe it's just knowing that there are so many people out there that I have a little something in common with.

  Tom

  Edited by - TR on 13 November 2000 3:9:9
• 

  AhHah

  Tom,

  You seem to have a very healthy sense of yourself and a clear identity outside of the JW group-think. You seem very normal. I seem to remember that you joined as an adult. I believe that those of us who were raised in the religion do not tend to escape as easily as you have. We had no identity that we could separate from our JW identity. We have to learn this upon leaving. It is not easy. If anything, we are not selfish (self-nuturing) enough. We actually have to learn that it is OK for us to be happy if we are not busy on the JW "works" treadmill.
• 

  TR

  AhHah,

  We had no identity that we could separate from our JW identity. We have to learn this upon leaving. It is not easy. If anything, we are not selfish (self-nuturing) enough. We actually have to learn that it is OK for us to be happy if we are not busy on the JW "works" treadmill.

  You're right, I did join as an adult(gullible 21 year old). I was "me" before I gave myself to the WTBTS. This is where I get off a little easier than most that were raised JW. Those of us that were recruited as adults sometimes have a hard time seeing things through the eyes of those in since birth or childhood.

  Tom
• 

  RedhorseWoman

  I sometimes wonder what it must feel like to go back to a life that had been established pre-JW. When you've been in it all your life, you honestly feel like some sort of alien creature when you leave the JW cocoon. Learning how to be "human" again can be exciting, but it can also be absolutely terrifying. Since you're an adult, everyone assumes that you know what you're doing out there....but you have absolutely no idea. Boards such as this are really very life-affirming. You realize that there are others who feel as you do and that they are also making progress towards wholeness. They also won't think you're insane if you speak about something that's troubling you.
• 

  Carmel

  TR,

  I've always felt after studiing Maslow that most JWs are, in fact as you say, stuck in their moral/ethical development in the self centered stage. They may be able to perform philanthopic deeds for a few in their reference group, generally family members, but basically they are motivated by purile motives of saving their own backsides from biological death. Fear is generally a much stronger motivator for the immature than love.

  I hope that your progress accelerates now that you can reflect on your "previous life" and see that a fulfilled life is one in which you make others happy and in so doing you will gain "the kingdom of god" that is within.

  best to ya

  carmel
• 

  AhHah

  Carmel,

  Very astute observations.

  Why do you think that ex-JW's tend to stay stuck in a self-centered development mode? Is it mainly the residual fear that comes from attempting to break free from a cult that had "all the answers" and which even promised that faithful members would not even die?

  What is the key understanding(s) that will allow ex-JW's to once again embrace life and love, to become self-actualizing?

  I haven't read any Maslow, but it sounds interesting. For insights on this thread, which of his books would you recommend? "Toward a Psychology of Being"? "Religions, Values, and Peak Experiences"?

  My interest was piqued by the following review:
  
  

  Abraham Maslow doesn't pretend to have easy answers, absolutes, or solutions that bring the relief of finality—but he does have a deep belief in people. In this Third Edition of Toward a Psychology of Being (the original edition sold well over 100,000 copies), there is a constant optimistic thrust toward a future based on the intrinsic values of humanity. Professor Maslow states that, "This inner nature, as much as we know of it so far, seems not to be intrinsically evil, but rather either neutral or positively 'good.' What we call evil behavior appears most often to be a secondary reaction to frustration of this intrinsic nature." He demonstrates that human beings can be loving, noble, and creative, and are capable of pursuing the highest values and aspirations.

  Edited by - AhHAh on 15 November 2000 1:14:51
• 

  TR

  Carmel,

  Thanks for those thoughts. As you say, "Fear is generally a much stronger motivator for the immature than love". I agree. I'm sincerely trying to use love as a motivator these days. Why, we just added a 15 year old girl to our family because of her deadbeat parents. It's not that I have loads of extra cash laying around to be able to do this. My wife and I felt that it was the right thing to do. She would still be on the streets if we didn't take her in. She's actually starting to progress, I believe. She's back in school, and doing well. She's got adults around her that she can trust now, and my kids get along with her well.

  TR
• 

  waiting

  Hey y'all,

  "Fear is generally a much stronger motivator for the immature than love".

  That's the easiest control for most people. The most brute force, most mentally caging, most bluntly put into control.

  The WTBTS spends so much time putting down the Catholic Church - but the Catholics have preached a horrible hellfire for 2,000 yrs - keeping the R&F in line. The Catholics introduce the fear/pain of burning into the school kids as early as kindergarden. "Have you ever burned your finger? Well, just imagine your whole body burning like that forever - and nothing can stop the pain." I remember the realization of what it might feel like.

  The WTBTS does the same thing - only of having no life - second death. And they get the child's parents to introduce fear of death to their own children at an early age also.

  Until recently, fear was the method of choice for parents, teachers, policeman, marriage mates, bosses, and churches - oh, and backroom politics.

  Did I miss anyone? Didn't mean to - fear is the permeating control device that is used worldwide.

  The WTBTS just is quite clever about it.

  waiting

  Edited by - waiting on 14 November 2000 21:49:23
• 

  Carmel

  Ahah,

  Actually I don't believe it was from either source. It was a monograph he wrote in the late 60's which I will have to go back and find the title. It was a reading assignment in one of my psych classes.

  Get back to you later on it.

  carmel