My Post-Cult Cathartism - Optimism

by AK - Jeff 8 Replies latest jw experiences

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    My Cup is Half-Full Take on Life

    Whilst it is an absolute that the years I spent in the bOrg were many. At this stage of my new-life outside, I am trying to maintain a high-moral-road view of the cause/effect relationship that it had on me and my life-view.

    I believe that coming to the realization that not all of witness life is evil or corrupt or even wasted, is healthier for me than a constant negative rant about what it cost me. So, while some will label me a rationalist [that may be so], or even in denial of the real cost [that I would dispute], I here list a few of my thoughts about the ‘value’ of having been a Witness from the age of 5 till my 48 th year.

    Morals/Ethics

    Sexual mores - as set forth from the WTS are not harmonious with Scripture entirely, true. And while logical arguments can be grounded for unrestricted human sexuality, I do not agree from my own experience. Of course no one can state that his/her experience is defining - for there is always someone further to the liberal or further to the conservative view in such things - yet it has worked for me. One marriage and one set of goals within, has been a good thing for me. I have not routinely accepted the WTS view inside my bedroom for instance, but the basic rules of fidelity I did and still do accept. That was probably a good thing for me - though not something that I could not have gained without the WTS. Many Christian churches could have recommended the same way of life of course - it just happened that the WTS was my church for that period of my life. In addition - my spouse [otherwise known as Wifey on this forum] is a gift from my past association with the organization, as we would never have met and shared life to this point without it.

    In terms of ethical behaviour outside of the matter of sexual/marital life - I have always been honest and ethical in my dealings with others, and this I must attribute also to the training I received from the organization all those years.

    Lifestyle/Education

    While it is true that I personally sacrificed ‘higher education’ on the alter of Brooklyn’s insistence on such things - it has not caused us severe poverty. I was on various occasions - janitor, window washer, auto-detailer, grunt level employee. But I was also promoted to supervisor, plant manager, general manager of operations, in more than one venue in that time period. Like many witnesses trying to find one’s way in a world that is supposed to ‘end any day now’, I exhibited less stability in my work life than some ‘worldly people’, but also had a measure of success too. I could have been ‘wealthy’ if I had been ‘greedy’, but I wasn’t. There is a limited amount of frustration with those missed opportunities at times - who wouldn’t like to have been rich and free of the encumbrances of the working class? Still - I [we] have had a good life to this point.

    Today I work at a ‘labor’ job. I am fairly happy in doing so. I make good money, though we are not getting rich. I have since come to realize the value of understanding that one’s life does not revolve around money. I am happy to know that in my case.

    I suppose the meaning of this whole thread is that I have decided to be upbeat - to find good in what was my past experience in the Watchtower, while having come to grips with the things it took away also. I guess it means that my ‘grieving’ is somewhat behind me. I look back at those whom I had to separate myself from with pity for them, not anger. They are victims still - I am a survivor now. I am free to still love them, while they are in mental bondage and restricted to love only those ‘approved’ by their book-publisher.

    And while I could not, and would not, ever return, I can not honestly state that all that I had/did/experienced/believed was unhealthy in the long run. Today I am a healthy man of 51, my vices are few, my attitude is positive, my wife is by my side, I am making great new friends, my home is warm when it is cold outside, and cool when it is hot, I have food in the kitchen to eat, and a warm bed to lie in, my sister, my wife, my daughter, and the Grand-Munchkins are all no part of the organization [the Grand-Munchkins never were]. My ‘religious heritage’ is the Witness religion. I have ‘morphed’ into a different sort of religious person nowadays - I have left the evil traits of the WTS’s thinking behind [or tried to]. In short - the foundation of my life was laid with Watchtower bricks and Biblical mortar. But the building that sets there now is not related to the original foundation, yet that foundation is undeniable at times when I unintentionally resort to Watchtower-speak, or Watchtower-thinking, or Watchtower-fear.

    Do not interpret this as Pro-Watchtower. Those who have followed my metamorphosis over the past 2+ years know better. I have spewed my share of venom regarding that organization, and will spew some more at times I am sure. This little thread is more a tribute to ‘healing’ - many of the attributes that I give to the Watchtower could have come from another religion, it just happened that I was indoctrinated in the Watchtower religion.

    Does this mean I don’t want the Watchtower people to get out of her? Adamantly NO! There is nothing I want more. But conversely, there are also good things that come from a life well lived, even a restrictive one.

    It is all about attitude - and that is what I express here. My glass is half-full, I will not allow the past history with the organization to turn me into a half-empty critic.

    The Watchtower cannot make me cynical. Their power is waned! Victory to Freedom!

    Jeff

  • J-ex-W
    J-ex-W

    Jeff--- Yikes!!! Could you please edit your post to enlarge the print? I can't read stuff that small without really straining my eyes.

  • Mystla
    Mystla

    I can relate to your glass half full ideals. My life is pretty great right now. If I hadn't been raised the way I was I might not have what I do today. If my ex hadn't been such a turd I might have stayed with him and never met my wonderful husband.

    Yes, there were some bad times, some hard times, a couple nervous breakdowns.. but all of it led me to who I am and where I am today. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

    Life is good!

    Misty

    (I don't think I have ever used "I" so many times in a single post before )

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff
    Jeff--- Yikes!!! Could you please edit your post to enlarge the print? I can't read stuff that small without really straining my eyes.

    I would love to - but the post/reply window wont accept the size or font changes when I imput them, It used to, but when I highlight and click it just stays at the same font size as it was. I would love to fix that.

    Jeff

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Sentence in 'original' font.

    Sentence 'changed' to 14 point font.

    Sentence 'changed' to 18 point font.

    Sentence 'changed' to 24 point font.

    Sentence 'changed' to 36 point font.

    No change here - unless you see it there - it all looks to be about 10 or 12 font, nothing changes.

    Jeff

  • willyloman
    willyloman

    Great post, Jeff!

    Those of you who cannot read it: Copy and paste into a Word file and change the font to something bigger and read THAT. It's well worth it.

    On this thought:

    I suppose the meaning of this whole thread is that I have decided to be upbeat - to find good in what was my past experience in the Watchtower, while having come to grips with the things it took away...

    I was at a local church just last night, talking to some members there about my religious past. They were quite interested in my transition from "having answers I couldn't question" to "having questions I couldn't answer," which is a better position in my view. One of the women, who holds some semi-official lay positon in the church and actually reads Bible verses from the pulpit at many services, said her religious journey was similar to mine and that she now describes herself as "an unorthodox Christian." On other occasions, she has told people who've asked about her religious affiliation: "I am a Christian who happens to attend the Episcopal Church at the moment."

    She said there is a huge disconnect between faith and religion and that while many people equate the two, they are in fact separate and apart. It was a good moment for me, because it made me realize my situation was not so unique and that being an ex-dub, while certainly a part of who I am, was not what defined me.

  • Quandry
    Quandry

    Thanks for your post, Ak Jeff.

    I'll bet you've spent many hours pondering your existence outside of the bOrg-I know I have. I am glad that you are able to view the cup as "half full" at this point in time .

    My husband and I spent more than thirty years "in" and now about two out- I do not choose to be bitter but am left with so much residual confusion and at times despair. My husband is caustically bitter-he views all the years-over twenty of them as elder-as wasted. I think your outlook is healthier. I hope he can eventually come to have happiness. He deserves it-we all do.

    I enjoyed this comment from Willyloman, also. Well said!!!

    They were quite interested in my transition from "having answers I couldn't question" to "having questions I couldn't answer," which is a better position in my view.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Thanx Quandry -

    I don't think one can leave a cult without at least initial bitterness over the deception and lies and manipulation. I know I had such. But as I reference the years as a clock that ticks slowly away, I know that my life on this planet is not forever as I once thought. So for me it is a proactive notion to 'get healed and move on', though I also attribute some of it to my remaining faith in God.

    I tried to be a 'Christian' as a witness - I really did. Now I have finally accepted that I never was - at least not in the typical sense. I wanted to know Christ, but was prevented from doing so. The healing from that deception has unfolded like an onion for me - layer and then another layer - this post represents another layer of healing I think.

    I am 'testing the waters' of life with different taste buds now. I suspect it is not unlike the person who finally becomes aware of marital infidelity that has been going on from the start. The divorce starts bitterly - but life can and does get better - at least it has for me.

    I hope your husband is able to begin to heal. Bitterness is a painful way to live.

    Jeff

  • Carmel
    Carmel

    Jeff, may you enjoy a cornicopia of flavors and cullinary delights!

    carmel

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