Tears in a Bottle

by belbab 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • belbab
    belbab

    Today is Christmas Day, In my immediate environment I have no reason to bring tears to the surface. But I am feeling sad. I have been reading a number of posts here and all the responses to them. They are the posts of Vitty, depressed, Schism and abandonned. There may be more, if so they are also included. All of these posts speak of tears, loneliness or sadness. I wish to reply and say something meaningful.

    I remember writing a post at the closing days of the old H2O forum. I am reposting it here verbatim, and then in a reply I will also enter the two replies I received to that post:

    Here it is, if all goes right:

    H2O Print Topic

    The content below is a topic from H2Q forums. Print document. Topic Title:

    TEARS IN A BOTTLE
    Date Posted: 06/13/2001 12:07:13 PM Posted By: belbab

    Life sometimes presents us with things in twos or threes. The first one, just may tweek our

    attention a little and then the second one comes and we pay attention, and then if a third one

    comes then it is clinched in our present consciousness.
    Recently, on the net, on one of those sites where attributes of God are presented with photos

    of beautiful natural scenery, came the words, God remembers all our tears.. I didn't save the

    site, but these words clicked into my mind. Then here on H2O, Joe Black, expressed

    sadness over the death of a loved pet and covered over his sorrow and deleted his post.
    The third thought that brings this post to the surface is what I read in a book by Victor

    Frankel, called Man's Search for Meaning. Victor Frankel was a psychiatrist who survived

    the holocaust of the Nazi concentration camps and after the war continued his work. In his

    account he tells the story of a old Jewish Rabbi, who also managed somehow to survive, but

    his wife and six children did not. The rabbi was sad, not only because he had lost his loved

    ones, for him they were in God's hands, but he was sad because he felt sinful,unworthy and

    was left here on earth in tears and suffering,andGod had rejected him. The doctor in his

    comments, quoted the text from Psalms 56:8: Thou has kept count of my tossings; put thou

    my tears in thy bottle! Are they not in thy book? For the first time in years the rabbi found

    relief from his sufferings.
    Tears in a bottle, Tears in a bottle. They are stored, they are precious, they have great value.

    Where is this bottle? Way out in space in some celestial archive? Where are my tears?

    Where are your tears? Where are the tears of those ripped away from this life? Sometime

    when we have sorrow, we state that the sorrow is bottled up inside. It is buried in the depths

    of our soul. Sometimes, the bottle become opened and we may break into tears at some

    insignifcant moment perhaps years down the road, and at times we do not remember for what

    the tears are for. An example of mine is this: I was expulsed from the WT in the early

    seventies, for years, fifteen or more, my wife and I had no contact with friends or my wife's

    relatives. Our kids grew up without hardly knowing their grandparents. Finally we did meet

    some dissident JWs. While talking long distance to someone on the phone, I suddenly

    unexpectedly broke into tears, and surprised myself. Tears in a bottle, buried deep, they will

    surface.
    What of the tears of those who have been torn away from life itself, what of the tears of the

    silent lambs. Tears are also bottled up in the memories of survivors, who hold the sorrow of

    others enclosed in the bottles recessed in their memories. In time these too, can rise to the

    surface, and at times it is to the detriment of those who caused the tears in the first place.
    Tears also give birth to joy. Tears also are expressed in the most beautiful creations, songs,

    music, literature etc. For me, one of the most beautiful songs''ever written is the song: AmazingGrace written by a repentant slave trader.
    When it says in the Book There will be no more tears I believe that this means not only that

    their will be no more tears in the future, but all the tears ever shed in the history of mankind

    will be transformed into joy, because God holds all the tears in his bottle.

    (I will post the two replies that I received to this post, next. I am having trouble formatting and if I lose this post, I won't be able to post it again because of two post limit for new posts)

    belbab

  • Abandoned
    Abandoned

    belbab,

    Thank you for offering your comfort. I hope you're right, but my experiences have left me a bit cynical. Still, I'm not without hope and I'm not too full of pride to admit I'm wrong if it's ever proven to me. Anyway, have a wonderful holiday.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Greetings Belbab,

    Your thoughts are beautifully expressed and have offered me encouragement. I've been home alone for 3 days, my family is scattered to the winds, yet I'm doing all right. I've drawn such comfort from emails, phone calls, cards, and PMs that I have reason to rejoice. My health is tentative, and the few hours I manage to work each week get me by. I am finally off the treadmill and have at last -- so I think -- found contentment. For one so hyper and emotional, I honestly never thought calming down would be possible. I'm finally healing from shattered faith.

    My point, and that made by others on JWD, is that somehow --whatever that "somehow" is -- we do get through it. I am content to spend hours a day with my nose in a book or in a FREE MINDS JOURNAL [God bless you, Randy!] and share what I learn. My life could change tomorrow, but today, dear Belbab, your post gave me one more reason not to give up.

    Peace, love and may God bless,

    CoCo

  • codeblue
    codeblue

    Thank you for sharing: "Tears in a Bottle"...

    I will be waiting for the replies as well.

    Codeblue

  • purplesofa
    purplesofa

    Your post is timely for me. I have been seeing a therapist........and I am to keep a journal and little by little tap into the tears in my bottle. Tears that have been stored for many many years, never allowed to burst out. I suppose sometimes one can only hold so many, and they must pour out somehow.

    Sometimes we only have enough time and energy to make it through particular problems and traumas, storing tears, fooling ourselves into thinking we did so well...............and we have, but the loss, the grief, the sadness, is still there.

    Something that happens now can trigger the old memories making our feelings seem displaced, we are over reacting.............but it is just another chance for an emotional cleanse and we actually should welcome them.

    Thank you for your post.

    purps

  • belbab
    belbab

    Here are the two replies that were sent when "tears in a bottle" was posted on H20.

    The first is from a poster who called himself/herself Joe Black and who, in his posts, seemed to be carrying a much sad baggage.

    The second was from the poster Jan G, an Australian. Some of the oldtimers on this board may remember her. Jan for quite a while, ran a site that helped people exit from destructive cults. She went to bat for numbers of people in court cases there. She had a very bad day, at the end of which she read my post. She passed away some time ago.

    Beautiful words Belbab. Sometimes the pain is so great that the heart feels it's better to seal the bottle for a while, although the "scent" of the tears still comes through.
    God does remember our tears. Thank you for relating your story. I think one of the harshest wounds is a friends betrayal. This is what has happened to many of us, we were betrayed by the Watchtower. We believed and trusted them, then found out they are so "little.” quote: Joe Black
    I am feeling so down tonight and have been crying tears for the last couple of hours. I was in court all day supporting a parent who has been falsely accused of sexual abuse on the basis of "recovered memories" and it has scratched the scars of our own battle in this area. So tonight I have been feeling the pain of being torn from my children and grandchildren, and the betrayal I felt when it all happened.
    Then I come here ..... and I read this ..... and I know that God has kept my tears in a super large bottle ......
    cause I have cried lots of them.
    Thankyou for this ....... and I wait for the day that he turns all my tears and those of all others who have
    ever lived into joy beyond comprehension. Quote: Jan G,

    belbab, thank you for all your responses.

  • Narkissos
    Narkissos

    Beautiful post belbab,

    This reminded me of the small artefacts known as "lac(h)rymatories," often found in ancient Egyptian or Roman tombs, which were supposed to contain the tears of the bereaved -- although it seems that they were rather meant for unguents and perfumes after all. True lachrymatories otoh are known in the modern era down to the 19th century, possibly influenced by the Psalm.

    Anyway that is a powerful metaphor -- our sorrows, however superficially trivial or elusive, suddenly breaking into an unfathomable abyss of tears from so many anonymous eyes -- "isn't there somebody crying all the time?," as the maidservant asks in the final dream of Bergman's movie Cries and Whispers. An ocean of tears is what we are forgetfully treading on in our bright days. And perhaps the true source of any meaningful communion, aka compassion.

    "I have seen your tears," says Yhwh to Hezekiah (2 Kings 20:5; Isaiah 38:3-5). But would any final wiping of tears (Isaiah 25:8 etc.) do justice to the immemorial tears of mankind? Forgetfulness may be the last word, but then our never-last tears and words will remain unanswered. In the meantime all we have learnt is to turn our tears into ink (or paint, or music), writing them both against the gods and as a desperate, yet ever hopeful, plea to them :

    O that my words were written down!
    O that they were inscribed in a book!
    O that with an iron pen and with lead
    they were engraved on a rock forever!

    (Job 19:23f)

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