It has been awhile since my last post, my husband and I have been very busy. We are both back in college, very exciting and life is moving in a positive direction. It is break between semesters and I have time to slow down and think. We have had the 'stuff' hit the fan here in the past 6 months and it has been painful. I am feeling the sadness and depression that accompany the loss of family that will not speak to you. No, we have not been D'fd nor have we Disassociated ourselves but non the less we are treated as thus. In fact we didn't even bring up the subjects that started the ensuing storm. Why can't witnesses leave well enough alone. We have been inactive and I guess enough was enough, we had to be questioned by those who love us the most, interrogated for our own good. Of course "conversations and topics" come up and before you know it you are knee deep. Then the gossip train starts and all in your 'blood family' knows of your traitorous behavior and next the brotherhood, all those who have ever known you and of course feel they have the right to know what is going on in your life because they love you like family even if they haven't spoken to you in ages or kept in contact. Oh she was a pioneer, she always did have an independent streak. It makes me sick. I get really perturbed because the conversations I had with my parents were supposedly confidential, now all know. (please excuse me, I have had a drink or two) Anyway moving on.
Tonight I was looking through photos and the "words" come crushing in. My father says that nothing will ever be the same, I have two brothers that won't even talk to me, won't respond to phone calls or emails, won't even ask if the "rumour's" are true. There is no love or respect, no reaching out or even any regard for the fact that you have always been an upstanding person. I am feeling very depressed and alone, I know I am not alone because you have all felt these feelings but the loss is deafening anyway. I just needed to vent and now I will stop my whining, I just appreciate that I can vent somewhere with people who understand. Thanks.