Being taken for granted!
How many of you feel or have felt like you are taken for granted?
I have so many times. This is my "story":
I'm a gay young man. I have been with my bf for about 2 yrs. But a lot has happened in those two years. He's a "white" guy and I'm a "hispanic" guy. When we met, we met at a club and I didn't think - omg! He's hot. Didn't even talk to him much. I had never had a bf. I wanted one but was afraid I'd end up getting hurt if I found out bcz at that age - 20 - most people just want to screw around and not have a meaningful relationship. Anyway, we went home. Then he messaged me AIM the next day telling me what a wonderful time he had and how he wanted to hang out with me next weekend. So we did. This second time we hung out - again at the club - we talked more. He ended up taking me home because the friend who have given me a ride wasn't feeling well so he went home early.
So, when my bf dropped me off, I was getting out of the car and he kissed me. After that, he would drive 40 minutes almost every day just to come see me. We'd hang out, go to the park and lay in the backseat of his car, talking and making out. I didn't want to let myself fall for him because again, I was afraid he just wanted sex and that was it. However, he was very romantic and I ended up falling for him. We didn't have sex right away because I didn't want to. He wanted to but I made him wait. Anyway, after three months - we weren't bf's but we were "together". people thought we were bf's because we'd go out together a lot - I had to leave bcz I was in college and it was time for summer break. So, he used to call me every day and he visited me once where I lived which was 6 hours away. We became bf's - over the phone - and well, a month later I found out he was cheating on me. I cried like never before. So we didn't talk for a month. He said he felt bad and he didn't want to break up with me but that he couldn't go without sex for 3 months bcz he "had needs".
Well, after not talking for 1 month, he called me two weeks before I was supposed to go back to school and asked me if I wanted to "hang out with him like we used to". I told him that I wasn't one to hold grudges and that I'd talk to him but I wouldn't date him again until I was able to trust him again. So in the next 5 to 7 months, he tried to gain back my trust and we kept hanging out and "being together" but not dating. He slipped a few times - not actually cheated as we weren't together and he didn't have sex with anyone but did do other things that pissed me off and I didn't like. He's a very flirtatious person. So, after a while, I told him I was ready to date him again but he didn't want to because we'd argue a lot. First, he'd get jealous when a friend of mine called because this friend of mine liked me and I liked him. But I never gave him a reason to get jealous or upset but then when I got upset bcz he'd flirt with other guys, he'd tell me I was getting upset for nothing.
Eventually, we started to date again and after a while, he realized that I wasn't going to cheat on him with anyone so his jealous calmed down to some degree. But he'd flirt with guys and I would get upset bcz if I had changed - I used to say "oh that guy's cute"- I expected him to change too. He never did and hasn't to this day. Then I finished college and moved back home. Then we'd argue over him not appreciating me because he'd rather be and hang out with his friends than with me. Or we'd hang out with his friends more than we would hang out with my friends, esp. with his best friend who is straight but my bf has had a big crush on him since they met years before my bf and I met. Now, he's changed some aspects of his personality that used to make me upset mostly bcz I had changed so he wouldn't get upset or jealous. But he refused to change for me. However, he still hasn't changed about his friends. He's more affectionate with his friends -gay and str8- than with me in public and now he moved to a city close to where I live. He started meeting friends online and he did that twice. I know he didn't do anything with them but I told him that I had a bad feeling about it bcz even though he didn't plan on fooling around with them, the guys he met might get the impression that he wants to fool around with them. So after a few arguments, he stopped meeting friends from a gay online chatroom. The reason he did that was bcz the town where he lives there aren't too many gay bars/clubs and not much to do so it's hard for him to make friends. he's a very outgoing, social person and feels the need to always be surrounded by friends and always having something to do bcz if he stays home watching tv, he gets bored. I go see him every weekend and spend money on food bcz I pay most of the time when we go out anywhere bcz he's "poor". That's how he describes himself. I mean, I'm not rich but I don't mind paying bcz he's my bf and I enjoy being with him.
So last night, he called me and mentioned how he has no friends bcz of me; because I get jealous if he meets new friends from online or from anywhere unless they're women. And that pissed me off. He was blaming me and yes I worry that maybe he'll be tempted someday by meeting guys online to cheat on me again and that's why I told him I didn't like that idea. So after he mentioned that, I got pissed and I told him how it bothers me that I go to see him every weekend, spend time with him, spent my birthday with him instead of with my family, was planning on spending Christmas and New Year's with him and that every time I go to see him, I spend lots of money and he doesn't appreciate that. So he had the nerve to tell me I don't appreciate what he's done for me - stopped meeting guys online and making new gay friends bcz of my "insecurities". And that I'm too sensitive and he thinks it's a "latin" thing; that most hispanic people are too sensitive and take everything personally.
So I wrote him a long e-mail explaning how I spend lots of money when I go to see him, pay for food all the time when we go out, etc. and I don't mind it and he doesn't appreciate that and when he goes out with his best friend - the str8 guy he has a crush on- my bf's the one who pays.
Well, this whole topic was about feeling being taken for granted bcz I've felt many a time this way with my bf. It's like he takes me for granted and he think that no matter what he does, I'll never break up with him. We're broken up before but for a day or two or minutes and when I hang up the phone, he calls me and tells me he doesn't really want to break up bcz he loves me and wants to be with me but that I make him upset and make him feel like shit every time I bring up the fact that he shows more appreciattion for his friends than for me esp. when I mention that he's willing to do anything for his friends but his "friends" don't do the same for him.
Any input/comment will be appreated! Thanks!
justahuman - but super nonetheless