There seem to be lots of threads lately that talk about relationships and sometimes it is not easy to summaries everything in a sentence or two. So we might put an emphasis on one thing to make a point and not on overall picture, which sometimes can leave a wrong impression. I’m by no means an expert when it comes to relationships, but have been through few and have got some experience, I hope so anyway. So who is to blame???
First of all I don’t think these types of questions are really fair to begin with. It puts one side on a spot and often evokes stereotype answers. What I have experienced is that two people in relationship really must enjoy each other company which means they must spend time together and love those special moment as few as they may be in busy life and marriage. Unfortunately, many of us here we have a baggage. It is out past life as JWs.
One cannot emphasize enough how much that impacted not only how we live or who we ended up with but even more so it impacted relationship dynamics and turned normal human characteristics up side down. Pressure that this religion puts on marriage is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Your marriage is no longer private, it must be transparent and everyone feels free to judge you. Which throws that private time and enjoying each other’s company just for the sake of it right out through the window. Not only that, it is enough to have one person in a marriage that is inclined to be in fear what rest of j-dub crowd are thinking of them or for that matter mother ship to have it all ruined. I’ve seen sometimes otherwise good people turn into complete creeps or monsters because of pressure this religions puts on them. Mind you the fact that they allowed that to happened can also speak volumes about how strong persons they really are. But that is the key. This religion takes away your own self and replaces it with ghost they’ve created for you. If one person in marriage allowed that to happen marriage is screwed from the word go. It really doesn’t matter how much time you invest into it to fix it, it ain’t gonna work until ghost goes away. And for most marriages in this religion that is not likely to happen. So it can really be either man or a woman who allows that to happen. When you think about it, how much does this religion really ‘care’ about marriage? Exactly, a lot, they give instructions about every single thing they can think of. And that very easily cascades down to marriages where everything is turned into giving of INSTRUCTIONS. What they fail to realize is that marriage (or any relationship for that matter) is something very deep and personal and not driving school where all you need is someone to tell you what signs to follow.
They are control freaks, and we hear that often, but might forget how much of that had actually influenced our marriages where one, often dominant figure tried to impose his set of values the way he interpreted it by listening to WTBS.
There are no more feelings in it than from that instructor who is trying to tell you how to drive. Actually thinking of so many marriages I know I bet even that instructor shows more care than a partner in marriage who is only interested in promoting his own will or his own self. So when you are in that smoggy environment it is really hard to solve anything. Because both can be breathing the same poisonous air that comes form WTBS. It takes one person to basically say “to hell with it” and start listening her or his internal voice that starts turning things around. Of course, as it happens the only person you can save then is yourself because that other partner is addicted to that smoggy air as it were.
So I’m my humble opinion this religion has lots to answer for. It took me 7 years of marriage to realize how screwed they really are and after that several years of recovery read failed relationships, to be able to connect with another dear human being on a very deep personal level.
Once you experience that for real, I can tell you it is the greatest feeling in the world and all you want to do is to guard and protect that special bond with your life if needed. And then you start realizing, this is how it was meant to be, that is how our genes work. WTBS tried as hard as possible to turn those natural human, inbuilt in our genes blueprints on their head by marking them as something “fleshly” What you start realizing is that “fleshly” is the only freaking thing that counts. We are not ghosts. We need human touch. We need to see into eyes of someone we love and know they love us back. We need to hear their sincerity and not “underlined answers” from watchtower magazine.
We start feeling lonely when our loved one is not around, and there is no substitute to it in religion or anything for that matter. When we feel like that then we know that we are real human beings. Unfortunately, for some people it will take a while to completely erase traces of wtbs influences but I can tell you that when that moment happens you will feel finally free and will be able to express your deepest feelings to your loved ones without hesitation or fear. That is the moment when your life truly begins. You will be able to connect and communicate. Even if your words are few your other half will understand unspoken vibrations because they can also speak louder than words.
So instead looking for who is to blame maybe for change we should focus on how to make relationships work. And both side have equal power there. Many times even simple “I love you” will move the mountains as they say. So why don’t you try it sometimes and see what happens, you just might be pleasantly surprise.
But you might already have some good experiences there, I’m dying to hear about these.