Question about divorce laws--not sure if this is the right board

by Chia 8 Replies latest social relationships

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  Chia

  I have a question regarding divorce laws.

  I know someone who recently got divorced. This person is unhappy about the way they were treated and continue to be treated. They're complaining about how much child support they have to pay,the fact that the ex continues to get health insurance from their plan, and that they have to split the money from the sale of their house. As a result of this perceived unfairness, they plan to move out of the country. They're keeping this move a secret from the ex as long as they can.

  This person told me they were not planning to take their child with them out of the country. Even if I believe that, it's still unfair that they are trying to escape justice by leaving the country, not to mention the fact that the poor child is going to miss one of her parents for God knows how long because someone can't handle the "unfair" way they are being treated. (What about you not paying for the child that you helped brought into this world, and denying your love and affection by leaving, and running away from your child? But I digress...)

  My point is, what are the laws regarding a situation like this? Can a parent just up and leave the country with no plans on how to provide for the child they leave behind?

  And also, if I can get in touch with the ex (I don't know them personally, and I am afraid to get involved), should I spill the beans? This person will probably know I am the one who told, but I'm trying to think about what's best for the child.

  Any information anyone has will be GREATLY appreciated.
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  sammielee24

  I would hesitate to get involved in these domestic pulls - everyone seems to have a side and they claim their side is the right one. But thats just me. I don't believe anyone is legally obligated to tell their ex spouse where they choose to live - once divorced, their only legal obligations are ones as set out by the courts. He or she may decide to continue child support from wherever they end up living. If they don't, then the ex will have to track them down and take them back to court.

  I've seen a lot of ugliness in people rise to the top in a divorce situation..and to me, while it's wonderful to believe the father or mother physically being in close proximity to the child would provide love and security for the child, that's often just a wish. How the parents act toward one another, how they respect one another and how they resolve conflict with one another even after divorce, is to me the greatest factor in how children come through family division. sammieswife.
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  diamondblue1974

  I am not an expert on family law although I have studied it.

  In the UK we have legislation preventing child abduction and I suspect most jurisdictions do too; I would advise this person that she could be committing an offence and this could land her in jail.

  DB74
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  Chia

  He or she may decide to continue child support from wherever they end up living. If they don't, then the ex will have to track them down and take them back to court.

  But that's what I disagree with. He or she "may decide" to continue child support? That isn't fair. Just because mommy/daddy wants to run away from their problems doesn't mean the child should have to suffer for it. I haven't said anything yet, beyond trying to convince the one trying to leave the country that it isn't a good idea to do so, but they are hell-bent on leaving.
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  blondie

  Legally are they allowed to leave the country and not fulfill their child support responsibilities, no; but the legal authorities are not following this person around either to make sure they don't. There are penalties that accrue if they don't pay.

  The courts may not be able to have the person arrested and returned to their homeland but they can put a warrant into the system that will pop up whenever a check is done to see if their are outstanding warrants.

  (What about you not paying for the child that you helped brought into this world, and denying your love and affection by leaving, and running away from your child? But I digress...)

  Actually this is the real issue. They are leaving the other parent holding the bag to support the child(ren) materially, emotionally, spiritually. Divorce does not absolve a parent of that responsibility.

  I personally cannot believe that this parent loves their child. They love themselves much more.

  I don't think it is unfair that the proceeds of the house be split 50-50, that the parent with health insurance cover their child, or that they pay the court ordered/assessed child support. It is what comes with having children.

  I personally would let the other parent know that this parent is trying to dodge their parent responsibilities. If the child support is too high, go back to court then.

  Blondie
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  sammielee24

  Even if you tell the ex, that the person is leaving the country, I still don't think there is anything that can be done to stop them. That person is a free person and until they committ a crime there is no reason to stop them. While you said that they are upset over the perceived unfairness of the child support and property division, you haven't said that they told you definitively that they are going to stop payment of their child support. Payment of child support can be accomplished from anywhere in the world. The health insurance is another issue - I would imagine that if a person were unemployed for any number of reasons and without any insurance, that the courts would review the prior decision. Do I think a person running away from the parental responsibilities is right? No. sammieswife.
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  Chia

  It's not an issue of trying to stop them. It's about the child being well cared for. No, it wasn't explicitly stated that they would stop paying support, however, this person is trying to find a way to quit their job so they can get the child support reduced in order to screw the ex. If they'd do that, who's to say they'd skip the country without paying support? If I can give the ex a heads up, I think they'd be very appreciative. I don't want to get in the middle...but what about the child?
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  J-ex-W

  I don't have any information to offer, but I have a firm, though humble opinion, if you'd like to hear it: The ex- who is about to be wronged deserves to know, and you would be doing absolutely the right thing to inform him/ her. Good luck resolving your dilemma.
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  jgnat

  Avoiding financial responsibility? It all depends on what country they are going to. Some countries have reciprical agreements. Wouldn't THAT be a hoot if this person tries to sneak away, only to find out their responsibilities follow them?

  There's no getting around it, divorce is expensive, especially if a child is involved. The Canadian courts have ruled that a CHILD SHOULD NOT SUFFER FINANCIALLY just because the parents can't get along. Typically, parents grossly underestimate how much it costs to raise a child. Also, maintaining TWO households instead of ONE is dastardly expensive.

  Share the health insurance? Only fair. Don't they want their children to have straight teeth?

  Split the money from the sale of the house? Only fair.

  Me, I walked away from my ex with my two children and the clothes on my back. I pulled us out of poverty one sweat-stained tear at a time. I received not a penny in child support in twenty years. You can imagine how much sympathy I have for this person. They can cry me a river.

  If it were me, I'd warn the custodial parent, and risk friendship. The child's interests overrides all.

  Added: Oh, and the attempt to get a lower paying job to screw the ex (and the child) reminds me of one of the most horrific cases of parenting I know. He left a long trail of abandoned wives and children in his wake. He was a charmer, though. Always ended up with a new "batch". All the person will do is permanently screw their own career. How selfish.