Hello all
Thought I should post here as my problems are miniscule compared to what's going on in the world right now. I feel so disloyal to Jehovah by reading all the info on this web site, but what got me to post here in the first place was the information on the UN. I guess I'm trying to tell myself that it's reaally not that bad, that they had a very good reason for forming a slight alliance with the disgusting thing, etc. But then of course there's no such thing as being "slightly in bed with a member of the opposite sex."
I've been baptized for 20 years, but began to lose interest about five years ago. The fear and trembling of a sheparding call would cause me to be near vomiting both before and after the visit. I take every thing to heart, and always have. If a talk is given about a wrongdoing in the congregation, I may think back to something I did as a teenager, and feel bad about it all day. And going out in service.........What torture. This is something I've skirted around and have been encouraged, admonished and just plain hollered at on the last sheparding call we received.
I began to feel real doubts when we got the medical directive. It just didn't feel right to me,all the fractions etc. One sixteenth of a teaspoon of dog shit is well...still dog shit!
I made an appointment to have the brothers explain the new blood card to me, as it made no sense. Instead, the CO was visiting, and he came with another elder and had me read scriptures about turning around and coming back to Jehovah, etc. I don't remember as I had tears in my eyes. (Damn, I hate being so emotional.) My mother who was there was a bit disgusted, too, as she was ill and we both wanted clarification on all the other parts of that directive as well. It was so black and white, if I remember correctly it was all or nothing concerning end of life care.
I can't say that I've been badly treated by the elders. I went to them with an indiscretion I commited after being baptized. And no, they did not want any details, contrary to what others have said about people's affairs making great reading. I was counseled about better meeting attendance, prayer and you guessed it, Field Service.
So now I have conflicting feelings, When I was going to the meetings I would always feel guilty because I didn't really want to be there because it seemed such a hard road to follow. Now I feel better in some ways because I'm not being hypocritical and smiling and being meek toward some people who, if they were in the world, I wouldn't give them the time of day. It's also great to not have to pretend friendship with some pretty bizarre folks because they "show interest" and might be possible bible studies.
The couple who brought us into the truth are quite elderly now, and have told me They feel guilty because they didn't build us with "fire resistant material" I think it's a case of the fire just going out and not being burned up, or more likely being burned out.
I've rambled enough. I don't expect any answers, it was just theraputic to spill my guts a little.