OMG Sparkplug, do I hear ya sista!
It is the pit of all evil when they are teens. It just seems to me as soon as they turn to the "teen age" they know it all! I call it the "I know disease" My mother and father always warned me of these days a few years back ( when I was a teen and being a heathen...lol) but, I never thought of it ever happening to me and biting me in the ass years later!
This has to be a tough decision for you but, may I suggest, you are half way over the mountain now so, can you just hang on for a bit more?
I have 2 teen boys myself, aged 18( going on 28) and almost 15( Going on 25). About 3 years ago, I thought I was going either going to kill myself or the boy. Yes, it was that bad. After seeking some assistance it was brought to my attention that their brains are not fully developed yet. They are fighting things such as hormones for a starter but when you throw in some peer pressure and what ever else that is running through their brains at the time, this magnifies any situation times 10. Do you have a close relationship with him? Does he talk about how he really feels?( I will assume that he does not from the troubles you are having.)
I have to admit, that was part of my problem. I never "listened" to what he was saying or feeling. It really sucks when you?re a parent and you being told you somewhat screwed up and you have to eat crow. Not, saying this is your case, but it was mine. When I stopped all my finger pointing, and really put a extra effort into paying attention to what he really needed or felt, it was a like a 350 degree circle was made by him all by himself almost over night. He still tries to test me, but I do have a better ear on now and do pay attention even if it is about the goal he did not make and how he could have changed the left foot for the right foot to make the goal. Or about the latest hard core band that is out right now on the charts and what the words are to their top song right now. Really, just simple stuff that I found very boring but, were important to him.
I will not go on and on about what worked for me, but, before you feel you need to send him some where else, please try and cover all your bases. Go to his high school and request a guidance councillor and explain the situation. The school is where I got my first direction about getting the help that we needed.. I went to teen direction and yes, there was a lot of work but, in the long run, it was so worth it. I was at my last rope with my son, and was getting to the point of shipping him off or mama was moving out.
Had I known that just simple "listening" would have made him clean his room, do his homework, and do his chores, I would have invested into some new ears years ago!! After going through this now with my oldest, I have all the tools( most of them, but I am sure I will need a different set for this one...lol) I need for the second one. Bought myself a brand new pair of ears for him, and I am on the up and up with all the music as well...also, I have learned to trust them more. More so, with the girl thing. I always gave him a hard time when it came to dating and having a big list of no-no?s. Even though, he never screwed up the list, I would go, on and on about it. Bottom line, I would basically give him shit for nothing he had done yet.
"Why go to court when, you don?t have a charge?" was the best way he explained it to me.
So, there ya go, that is my free advice for the day..I really hope it works out for you and I know your heart will have the right answer for you. Sometimes, just time makes a world of difference as well. Good luck my friend!