Jehovahs Witnesses in "Coneheads"

by gaiagirl 4 Replies latest social entertainment

  • gaiagirl

    Just watched the film "Coneheads" with Dan Akroyd and Jane Curtain. What a laugh (that is, if you liked the skits they used to do on SNL). I couldn't believe the number of well-known actors and actresses who appeared in the film...Kevin Nealon, Michael McKeon, Adam Sandler, Phil Hartman, Drew Carey, Sinbad, David Spade, Tim Meadows, John Lovitz, Jason Alexander, Michael Richards, Chris Farley, Garret Morris, Laraine Newman, Dave Thomas, Jan Hooks, Tom Arnold, Julia Sweeney, Parker Posey, and Ellen Degeneres, in roles large and small, and perhaps others I didn't notice. The JW connection came through Michael McKeon, playing a very smug agent of the Immigration and Naturalization Service, and David Spade, playing the perfect "yes man" and assistant. They suspect Beldar and Prymaat to be illegal aliens, and are trying to get infomation from them, so call on them at home pretending to be Jehovahs Witnesses. They try to talk about "the end of the world" and Beldar makes comments about how it may be sooner than they expect. The "JWs" mention that 144,000 will be saved, and the Coneheads venture that "they would be surprised if that many survived". Someone obviously did some research for this funny film.

  • JWdaughter

    The only bad part was that only ex-JWs know enough to be thoroughly amused. All the JWs I knew were(publically) disdaining, and non-JWs don't really get it. We are in a wonderfully unique place for that humour. IMO. I remember my mom getting up and walking out, disgusted that they would amuse themselves at the expense of the organization. When I laughed, my husband looked at me funny, cause while mildly amusing to him, he really didn't 'get' it.

  • Balsam

    I was a very active witness when that movie came out and loved the JW humor in it. Actually most JW I knew thought it was great fun.


  • PopeOfEruke

    What about Life of Brian with the "jehovah" jokes in the stoning sequence?

    "All I said was 'This halibut is good enough for Jehovah'"..

    I was an active JW when I saw that, one half of me cringed a bit, the other half couldn't stop laughing.


  • blondie

    We were active JWs too when we saw it and died laughing. We watched with another couple. 2 elders and their wives yucking it up. Remember the shark bit on SNL.

    Jaws II

    Woman #1.....Gilda Radner
    Land Shark.....Chevy Chase
    Matt Hooper.....John Belushi
    Sheriff.....Dan Aykroyd
    Woman #2.....Laraine Newman
    Woman #3.....Jane Curtin
    Woman #4.....Candice Bergen
    Jehovah's Witness.....Garrett Morris

    [ Music: "Jaws Theme" ]

    [ open on interior, apartment ]

    [ doorbell sounds ]

    Woman #1: [ moves to chain-locked door ] Who is it?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Mrs. Ramilarghh??

    Woman #1: Who is it?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Plumber..

    Woman #1: Plumber? I didn't ask for a plumber. Who is it?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Telegram.

    Woman #1: Oh. Telegram. Just a moment.

    [ unlocks door, and opens it. The head of the shark appears, grabbing her arm and pulling her into the hallway as she screams. ]

    [ SUPER: "Jaws II" ]

    [ dissolve to Sheriff's Office, Sheriff and Matt Hooper looking over a three-foot long metal tub covered with a white cloth ]

    Matt Hooper: [ looks under cloth and winces ] Oh, my God!

    Sheriff: What was it?

    Matt Hooper: Land shark. The cleverest species of them all.


    [ dissolve to Woman #2 in her apartment ]

    [ Music: "Jaws Theme ]

    [ a knock at the door ]

    Woman #2: [ appoaches the door ] Yes?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Mrs. Arlsbergerhh??

    Woman #2: Who?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Mrs. Johnannesburrrr??

    Woman #2: Who is it?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Flowers.

    Woman #2: Flowers? From whom?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Plumber, ma'am..

    Woman #2: I don't need a plumber. You're that clever shark, aren't you?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Candygram.

    Woman #2: Candygram, my foot! Get out of here before I call the proper authorities. You're the shark, and you know it.

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] I'm only a dolphin, ma'am..

    Woman #2: A dolphin? Well.. okay..

    [ she opens the door, as the shark pulls her screaming into the hallway ]

    [ dissolve to Sheriff's Office, Matt Hooper lifts up cloth napkin covering plate, then winces and looks away ]

    Sheriff: What is it?

    Matt Hooper: Egg salad again. [ removes sandwich from under napkin, and takes a bite ]

    [ dissolve to Woman #3 in her apartment, Woman #2 putting on make-up to go out ]

    [ door buzzes ]

    Woman #3: Who is it?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Land Shark.

    Woman #3: [ laughing ] Oh, Walter!

    [ she opens door laughing, but is attacked and dragged into the hall by the Land Shark ]

    [ dissolve to Sheriff's Office, Sheriff on phone looking horrified into another rtub covered with cloth ]

    Sheriff: [ on phone ] Hello, Walter. I have some good news, and I have some bad news. First, the good news. There's a party tonight at my house. Now, the bad news: you'll be coming stag. Goodbye, Walter..

    [ dissolve to Woman #4 in apartment, listening to the radio ]

    Radio: ...considered the cleverest of all sharks. Unlike the great white, which tends to inhabit the waters of harbors and recreational beach areas, the Land Shark may strike at any place, any time. It is capable of disguising its voice, and generally preys on young, single women. Experts at the University of Miami's Oceanographic Institute suggest that the best way to scare off the shark in the event of an attack is to hit or punch the predator in the Nose. Now for the weather..

    Woman #4: [ turns off radio, as the doorbell rings ] Who is it?

    Muffled Voice: Sorry to disturb you, ma'am. I'm from the Jehovah's Witnesses, and thought you might be interested in a copy of our journal, "The Watchtower".

    Woman #4: [ grabs a mallet and inches towards the door ] Why, I'd be very interested..

    Muffled Voice: Would you mind opening the door, ma'am?

    Woman #4: Certainly.

    [ she unlocks the door a crack, and reaches out with the mallet to strike the Land Shark's head. Instead of the shark, a Jehovah's Witness stumbles into the apartment and drops onto the floor in front of her. ]

    [ SUPER: "The End?" ]

    [ fade ]

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