10 years since my father died

by hippikon 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • hippikon
    hippikon

    It's been over 10 years now since my father died. I was a JW at the time. I (foolishly) felt relieved at the time thinking that now he would get a resurrection and wouldn't die at Armageddon. I never grieved.
    As a youth (before the borg) I was quite a rebel. I loved and respected my father though and always leapt in and defended him against the verbal abuse from my alcoholic mother. That got me into trouble so I left home at an early age. My father was a meek and good man and we stayed in touch. Later I discovered a cause worthy of my whole hearted dedication - While still in my teens I became a religious fanatic - I so much wanted my father to be in paradise - I was as tactful as I knew how to be but alienated myself from him. Now I have seen the error of my ways an feel the deep sense of loss and regret.
    I alienated my self from family and friends gaining what I thought to be new family and friends in the borg - Now I am voluntarily alienated from them as well seeing how shallow it really is. My surviving relatives are still reluctant to have anything to do with me. I lost more than half of my life In spiritual lala land.
    Recent world events only highlight to me the evils of religious zealots and narrow minded self interest groups.

    I would like to consider some here my new friends.

  • ZazuWitts
    ZazuWitts

    Hippikon,

    As far as your 'alienated' relatives...please don't give up. Call them occasionally, send them cards on their birthdays, at holiday times, or just for the hell of it!! Hopefully they will come around.

    Try and make some friends with people you work with, too. Ask one of them to join you for a drink after work. Strike up conversations with your neighbors...maybe invite some over to your home, even if it's just for snacks and a drink. Get involved in some type of community activity that benefits mankind.

    I'm sorry to hear about your father, you may have somewhat alienated him when you became an active JW - but I'm sure his love for you didn't diminish.
    Please don't fret too much about the past, just move on with your life and be the best man you can...a good husband, father, co-worker, neighbor and citizen.

    Most of us have many regrets about our JW involvement and how it impacted our lives, as well as those of non-JW family members. We understand.
    ((((((((Hugs)))))), friend.

  • Introspection
    Introspection

    Thanks for sharing that Hip. I for one would welcome and appreciate your friendship. Can't think of anything eloquent to say, but as far as I'm concerned that's not a small thing.

  • think41self
    think41self

    ((((Hippi))))

    Thank you for sharing that with us. You must still be dealing with some residual pain and guilt. I am so sorry...not easy issues to struggle with.

    I agree with what Zazu said, don't give up on those relatives yet. Just like you, the passing of time has probably changed their lives and perspectives.

    One thing that comforts my husband and myself(we both lost all of our family, on both sides, except for my sister) is that we are starting NEW family traditions and strengths of bonds with OUR children. We look forward to the time when they have children, and we all get together at holiday times, and see the cousins, aunts and uncles relating to one another without man made restrictions of religious doctrine(we hope). So while you may have left behind some family relationships...forge ahead with your OWN little family circle, and watch it grow and widen over the years, until future generations will be touched by YOUR acts of love and acceptance.

    And I agree with Intro, I know I am one of many who welcomes and appreciates your friendship.

    think41self

    "Not believing is not the same as not knowing."

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    Hippikon,

    I feel total empathy over having "lost half your life" and your supposed "friends". Isn't it something, we TRY to do what we THINK is right, only to get swallowed up by an organization that takes total advantage and control?

    I'm with think41, as far as the idea that the REMAINDER of your life (and what we build with it) will be far more important than the past. You are a good father and have contributed many worthwhile things to the board (not BORG) including scanning of the WT Study articles for our examination and entertainment!

    Even though all of us who answered (so far) are from America, really we are all close in our feelings through this discussion board. Everyone who has posted before is a HIGH QUALITY friend and helps me know that the existence of this board is truly worthwhile, even though there be naysayers during times of turmoil, name-calling and folks dropping out (though they ALWAYS seem to come back).

    Without too much more philosophizing, you get out of this discussion board what you put into it. I think your hopeful last statement about 'friends' out here can absolutely be true, because you're willing to give of yourself out here, and that's appreciated!

    GopherWhy shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
    Mark Twain (1835-1910)

  • ozziepost
    ozziepost

    Hippy, old son,

    It seems there'll be quite a lot of your new friends at the next bbq. Looking forward to meeting you and yours.

    Cheers,
    Ozzie (of the don't look back class)

  • Nicolas
    Nicolas

    Hello hippikon, I know how hard it could to loose its father. I hope that you'll find a lot of new friends who won't judge you.

  • safe4kids
    safe4kids

    (((hippikon))),

    I don't have much to add that wouldn't echo what think and gopher have already said. I did just want to let you know that I have always enjoyed your posts and consider you to be one of the more positive people on the db.

    I'd be honored to consider you a friend.

    Dana

  • hippikon
    hippikon

    Thanks Guys - I wasn't realy looking for sympathy or anything.

    Its just been hard going around some of the relatives and telling them I'm not a nutcase any more. Some may argue that point!

  • Tina
    Tina

    (((((((((((hippi)))))))))))
    Anniversary dates can be very rough!
    They do get better with time as we become more forward looking.I'm glad you're around here! luv,T

    Carl Sagan on balancing openness to new ideas with skeptical scrutiny..."if you are open to the point of gullibility and have not an ounce of skeptical sense-you cannot distinguish useful ideas from worthless ones."

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