What Should I Do???

by dottie 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • dottie

    My mom, a jw, tells me of her friend from the KH(who I know pretty well, nice lady) whose daughter has decided to move out with a "worldly" guy. She is only 17 and has some post secondary education ahead of her (her parents are quite supportive of the education just not the "outsider" b/f). I know her somewhat, but not really all that well. More of a "know of her" scenario.

    My mom told me that her parents have told her that if she is going to see this guy that they have to set an example for her 4 younger siblings and she would have to decide between the family or the guy...basically if you want to be with him you have to leave. (She's not the oldest,she has one other sibling older, who is a married jw) They had the "shmelders" talk to her and according to my mom they were "so nice about it...you know and not from just a religious viewpoint...the one guy could have been a youth counsellor!" Anyway she has decided to leave home.

    My dilemma is that I would like to sit down and talk to her, seeing as I was pretty much in the same shoes at her age. (I was out on my own at her same age living with a guy as well and well lets just say I would have done things alot differently if i could turn back time.) I don't want to tell her to go back home, but I just want to stress some advantages of it regardless of the jw family pressures. I also think part of me wants to see her adjust to the initial taste ex jw life better than myself and some others I have seen. You know that sudden burst of freedom, and you do everything that was once deemed evil all at the same time??? I guess you could say I want to help with her "transition", but I don't want to be the know it all lady. Does that make any sense??

    I dunno...what do you think???

    Thanks in advance,


  • Mysterious

    Ask her if she wants to go for coffee sometime, but don't pressure her to talk just let her open up to you as she feels comfortable. Certainly don't preach at her or try to pressure her how to decide as that is all her family and the JWs have done for her. Be supportive of what she has chosen in her life and try to provide help if she asks you for it. Remember what might have been chosen by you or what you feel would have been best for you, she isn't you. Good luck and thanks for caring about her when even her family doesn't.

  • katiekitten

    I agree. Talk to her if you can, and shes open to it.

    17 is awfully young and I agree, jacking in the JW's could give her a sense of unfettered freedom that she doesnt know how to deal with. On the other hand she might be a really sorted out young lady. You'd have to listen to her to find out. But your experience is valuable.

  • Gill

    Probably the best thing that could happen to her is to have you talk to her.

    HOWEVER, in my humble experience with people of this particular age group, they know it, seen it, had it, done it, been ther, got the T shirt, and are in the middle of weaving one themselves.

    What's the worst that could happen......sex....lots of it?

    Let it go! Keep your nose out and suffering the consequences of ones actions is often the best way to learn and grow up! It hasn't done you too much harm, has it?

  • Sailor Ripley
    Sailor Ripley

    I agree with Gill. Not sure of the ramifications on your mom if the girl decides to tell the Dubs to go and pound sand. Could be rough for her.

    But... when I was 17 I think it would have been awesome for someone to have, not given advice, but listen to me in a non-judgemental, therefore non-JW way.

    Ask her if she wants to grab some coffee, or caramels for you Good Will Hunting fans, and see what she says. Let her talk as much as she will, reassuring her that what is said is private and you were interested because you were in the same boat at her age.

    Regardless, good for you for wanting to help out someone else. Hopefully she'll see that the world is actually an awesome place and you don't have to live in fear, all the freakin' time.

  • mama1119

    I agree, just let her talk and don;t get all advice-y on her, or she will shut down, let her know you were there once, that may open her up a bit to listen to you.

  • dottie

    Thanks for the input everyone!

    My intentions were to just let her know that she could come talk to me to vent about family related jw stuff that I'm sure her school friends or even boyfriend wouldn't understand. I know that at the "ripe old age" of 17 she knows everything LOL. After all I knew everything at that age too

    She works at the hair salon right by my place so I might go in for a trim sometime this week...she does do a great job doing hair.

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