How effed-up is this?

by cyd0099 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • cyd0099

    I ran into some financial shortfalls this long weekend because my son drove up and surprised me with a visit. I showed him a good time now that he is 21 and anyway I ran short before payday.

    But that's not the screwed up part...

    My coworkers and bosses on two different occasions met and hung out. They called me and offered to pay for my drinks and/or brunch as good friends would, knowing full well I would be generous once I was flush again. I am a generous man by my nature, I've treated my friends more times than I can recall. But I couldn't take them up on their offer. I remember how, many years ago when my marriage was in flames. I ate with the brothers™ several times. When my car broke down I got rides to the meetings™ and out in field service™.

    It turned out, they were talking about me behind my back. Like how I always knew when it was time for dinner. And they lorded these acts of kindness© over my head, telling me the cheap car I bought so I could get to work was not suitable for the ministry™. And how I needed to repay the people who helped me.

    I was afraid my current friends would be like god's people™. I know they aren't like that in my head but that sick bOrg has left a minefield on my soul. Hidden little nuggets that make a mess even though I think myself a free man.

    The good thing is at least I can see this instance for what it is and move on. Next time I take them up on a night out.

  • Confession

    Hey, Cyd... I think I can undestand what you're describing here. But you'll find people like that all over. Sure, it's especially hard to take from JWs who esteem themselves so highly, but your gut reaction is probably the right one.

    When you really need help, ask. As long as a person isn't doing it regularly--and is very generous himself--well adjusted people won't think badly of him.

  • In Between
    In Between

    Sounds like your co-workers are pretty cool and were not worried about any 'payback'. I'd take them up on the next offer :)

    Sorry for the flash-back though. That is kinda messed up. Hope it doesn't happen again for a long, long, ... well ... never :)

  • Robdar

    Sounds like your former "brothers" were jedis with the mind games. IMO, It's a good thing that you have the self-awareness of why you turned down your co-workers invitation. That knowledge sets you a little more free than you were a couple of days ago. And you have the next invitation to look forward to.

  • Stephanus

    Co-workers are usually pretty generous when it comes to outings. When you do head out with them, perhaps a reference to your cult background whereby you learned that all gifts had strings attached would help them understand your original reluctance.

  • SPAZnik

    yeah a reference to your cult there's an icebreaker :)

  • cyd0099

    I try to leave the whole dub thing in the past where it belongs. But ya know, twenty plus years on the inside leaves traces and influences ...

  • SirNose586

    Dang, that's rough. I had the same thing happen to me this month, with "brothers" talking behind my back and my friends' backs.

    "And you will know you are my disciples if you have love amongst yourselves."

    Yeah. Take away all vestiges of Brooklyn and see what kind of love you'd get...without the constant reminder to be kind to one another...

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