I love my children so much it hurts

by jambon1 6 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • jambon1

    One of the main reasons I left the org was to do with the love I have for my children.

    I constanly dreaded them being taken away at the tribulation, tortured, raped or having some other attrocity affect them. It drove me to a major drink problem whilst I was in the org. Add to the 'persecution' torment, the thought of them dying because of some problem related to blood and I became one huge big basket case. I was on the verge of a breakdown.

    Happily, after leaving the org 6 months ago, my mental state has improved considerably. My mind is no longer preoccupied with negative thoughts. I rarely have 'persecution' nightmares anymore so my sleep pattern has improved a lot. I am a lot more upbeat about life and feel much happier.

    Nevertheless, sometimes when I watch my children and their little antics (they are infants), I just feel so vulnerable because of their existance. I love them so much it hurts sometimes. I could`nt bear anything to happen to them and I feel that I would give up on life if anything did. Why do we have to face all of this? I want to be with them forever but as an atheist, I am gradually accepting my mortality. If I see them grown as adults then I would be happy. But as children, well, they are so vulnerable to all that can happen. Daily questions haunt me; what if I dies prematurely? Who would look out for them then?

    Does anyone else ever feel like this over children/relatives? Have you been able to overcome negative thoughts?


  • Quandry

    Yes, I know I have thoughts like this. When they are away from you all sorts of imaginary scenarios arise in your mind. When they get older and take the car out, you will really get gray!!!!!

  • anewme

    Jambon, you are really living! I mean it. You are in the thickest part of life's slice!
    Everything will be alright.
    Treasure everything. Trust life. Enjoy how it all unfolds.
    This is your life!


  • greendawn

    Deep down I never really believed the story about armageddon so I can't say it bothered me what will happen to friends and relatives. If I had believed it though I can imagine that it would be worrying.

  • anewme

    I'd like to add Jambon that just yesterday I was searching a website for old friends and found the dfd son of an old JW friend. OMG! How sad! He is so filled with hatred and pain. You are so loving to leave the org to raise your children to live in reality. They will never hate you for it. Life is wonderful and full of opportunities!!!! This is what you are giving to your children! The world is not a bad place. There is bad in it. But there is so much GOOD too!!!!! The WTS has been crying "The sky is falling!" for over a hundred years! The whole concept of a day of reckoning for mans supposedly inherant sin is all a fiction. Loonies who say the end is near and that the hurricanes and volcanoes are from God to punish us are mindophiles and should be jailed. The intense love you are feeling for your kids is a gift to them from the universe and Nature. Your love will protect them from all the normal things in life...danger, bad decisions, illness. You will not have to protect them from the Father of the Universe. Rest your lovin heart today Dad. Anewme

  • jambon1
    You are in the thickest part of life's slice!

    Thanks, I like that.

    Your other comments anewme are very comforting indeed. I have felt that my leaving the org will work out better for me wee kids. I hope they have a happy, love filled life.

    Thanks again,


  • serendipity

    Hi Jambon,

    I can definitely identify with your feelings. Children make us vulnerable - but I wouldn't have it any other way.

    My daughter recently started driving, so yes, I'm very worried. I sent her to driving school, drove with her to ensure she knew what responsible driving is, set a good example while I was driving and explained driving techniques and my actions. I also lecture her on a regular basis. I've done all I can to ensure a good outcome. I just have to push the negative thoughts out of mind. Denial is working for me, right now.

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