One of the main reasons I left the org was to do with the love I have for my children.
I constanly dreaded them being taken away at the tribulation, tortured, raped or having some other attrocity affect them. It drove me to a major drink problem whilst I was in the org. Add to the 'persecution' torment, the thought of them dying because of some problem related to blood and I became one huge big basket case. I was on the verge of a breakdown.
Happily, after leaving the org 6 months ago, my mental state has improved considerably. My mind is no longer preoccupied with negative thoughts. I rarely have 'persecution' nightmares anymore so my sleep pattern has improved a lot. I am a lot more upbeat about life and feel much happier.
Nevertheless, sometimes when I watch my children and their little antics (they are infants), I just feel so vulnerable because of their existance. I love them so much it hurts sometimes. I could`nt bear anything to happen to them and I feel that I would give up on life if anything did. Why do we have to face all of this? I want to be with them forever but as an atheist, I am gradually accepting my mortality. If I see them grown as adults then I would be happy. But as children, well, they are so vulnerable to all that can happen. Daily questions haunt me; what if I dies prematurely? Who would look out for them then?
Does anyone else ever feel like this over children/relatives? Have you been able to overcome negative thoughts?
J