In case everyone has been wondering about me, Im still alive and occasionally post on other XJW boards. I have basically been a shut-in for months now. I go to work, come home, check the boards, sleep, wake up, and go back to work. I havent even been to the pool yet. I guess Im just depressed. I have at least 8 more months to live here, and it seems like an eternity. I feel like I've been serving a life sentence here in Tennessee. I talk with Amanda only occasionally, I still miss her, but realize its best for us to be apart. My next vacation is next month, and will be in Ohio for 9 days. A month seems like an eternity to me, but it will quickly come around. I'm trying to plan an inexpensive trip to Texas, and will probably go in August. You ever just been somewhere and that place can totally change your outlook? That is the way I feel about Texas, I really enjoy it there and just feel like I fit in. I have never felt like I fit in here in Tennessee, I have felt like an outcast since I moved here. I have never felt a sense of "place" since I left Kentucky. I have always loved Kentucky every since I was a little boy, and no place ever held my fascination like the hills and hollers of Eastern Kentucky. It was and always will be my home. Texas is the only other state where I have felt these same feelings. I felt comfortable with myself and with my surroundings in both Kentucky and Texas. Even though I was born in Ohio and still have family there, I just dont feel like a "Buckeye". Mom wants me to move back to Dayton, Darin wants me to move back to Dayton, and even though Dayton is an OK place I would'nt feel like myself living there. My whole life path was altered by the WT lie of the 1914 generation, and along the way as a result I not only messed up my own life, but also Amanda's. I wasnt ready to settle down when we met, because I never really lived. I chose marriage as quickly as I could due to Armageddon, and didnt think out the long term consequences. I never even fathomed we would be here in 2006. Well thats it for now, I may come back here and check in later, but I dont have regular computer access. Dave (of the longing for the day when Im finally out of this misery, class"
I've been a shut-in
by Junction-Guy 8 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Junction-Guy
Sorry I tried to put it in paragraphs, but it didnt take.
-
jgnat
Going through the divorce blues? I used to hang out with a bunch of ex-husbands. In many ways, they took separation much harder than the women. Women cry and talk to their girlfriends. The men turned in to jerks and went to movies alone in the dark. Let's just say I gained some empathy for the other side of the fence.
If you can find a local support group for guys, it might help. You know, get a little misty-eyed and thump each other on the back. And talk.
-
Junction-Guy
Thanks Jgnat. At this stage in my life, and since I plan on leaving here, I choose not to get involved in any group activity, as I dont want to make new friends and then up and leave. I had lots of friends in Kentucky that I would hang out with, I havent had any since I moved here. Everything I have ever done here has backfired. I have had a few friends at work, but the revolving door at work just seems to spin them in, then spin them out, and usually it happens just at the time you are starting to know them and enjoy their company. I have so many negative feelings toward this place. I resent this place as much as my former religion, so you know how I really feel now. Right now im stuck here out of circumstance (job, health insurance,apartment) but not because I like it here, I dont. The only way this place has been tolerable is during periods when I had plenty of extra money to travel and get away from here. In 6 months I have only been to Ohio. 2 years ago I was gone at least one weekend a month and took a vaction every 3 months. I feel caged in here, and cant wait until I can get to Texas again, or Kentucky, or even Ohio to see my family. Dave
-
delilah
Hi there Dave. Good to hear from you again!! You know they say, "A change is as good as a rest"???!!!! and it's so true. Once you get out of your "cage", you will feel free again, and alive. Try to keep your eyes focused on your upcoming holidays. I really hope you'll be able to rectify your situation,(eg:, by moving to the place you love most) to one that's more positive and healing for you.
In the meantime, try to keep busy, with things you enjoy doing, break your routine up a little, so it doesn't stay monotonous. Maybe get out for a walk, even if it's just around the block; the fresh air does help to clear your mind, and you might see something that will bring a smile to your heart and soul.
Best wishes , Delilah......chin up mate.
-
luna2
Glad you checked in! Sorry you're feeling so blue and caged in, though. Its a tough situation. Hope the next 8 months pass quickly for you.
-
unique1
Force yourself to go out for a walk in the sunshine. It will make you feel better until you can get somewhere you feel comfortable.
-
KW13
hey buddy, sorry to hear your feeling low.
-
lisavegas420
Awwww....Dave, sorry you feeling so crappy.
Better days are to come. Don't forget to call when you get to Dayton.
lisa