A new study is uncomfortable, advice?

by carla 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • carla

    Someone called me who is aware of our situation and asked if a friend could call me. The friend has apparently been semi-studying with jw's. I guess some women come about once a month or so but this last meeting has made this person very uncomfortable. I have no idea why or what specifically is the point of disturbance within the 'study'. I only know this person socially through the years and not on a really personal basis. She always seemed somewhat liberal (for US standards) and is an honest, say what you mean kind of person. Honesty is something I remember of her, very to the point. So my question is, should I use the dishonesty in how the wt quotes scholars and others to begin with? or what? I want to tread carefully and thoughtfully. I know there have been many threads on this but this one also involves a marriage with a mate who wants nothing to do with jw's. What would have been the recent 'studies' do you think?

    Yeah, I know some of you may be thinking my hardass line on the wt, I shouldn't even be talking to her, however, I am capable in person of being very level headed and not a raving lunatic about the wt. Hard to believe I know. In person it's different, I can rant here and most know this is a place you can vent and someone will understand the reason behind it. In person I usually don't or can't say what I say here.

    I was thinking that I might also bring up the fact that Jesus is not the mediator for the r&f, as my husband still does not seem to understand that concept. To me that is one of the most damning things within the jw society and yet my jw doesn't seem to even understand that.

    thanks for your thoughts and keeping me from being a raving a lunatic in person. carla

  • blondie

    I would find out what specifically made them uncomfortable: something in the publication, something the JW said, or a combination of the two and why it made them uncomfortable. What do they believe and how would they explain it...then you can know how the average JW would deal with this. Disagreeing with the JW who studies with you could end the study. Sometimes you are allowed time to be "lost" and they will help you. But if you persist in obvious non-JW opinions, they are trained to be on their way and end the study.


  • bebu

    Carla, during the conversation you should find out if the study has access to the internet. If so, your job can be a lot easier, because you can ask her to look up a couple things after you are done. For example, if she looks up Jehovahs Witness on wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jehovah's_Witnesses), she'll get a good rundown on the WTS history, teachings and prophecies, plus a lot of links to pros and con sites (including many that are well-known here). I think it's a very helpful intro, and she can investigate beyond whatever you talk about yourselves. You can also give/email her a link to reexamine.org, and tell her to click on the link that leads to the WT quotes, because that site isn't linked to wikipedia.


    edited to add: looks like the UN website is no longer linked to wikipedia. If you ever talk about this, let her know that the UN has a document on a website if she is interested (then send her the URL, it's a long one).

  • steve2

    Carla, it might be best if you found out exactly what they were uncomfortable about before you share your views. People sometimes react in unexpected ways when others point out things they could work out for themselves.

  • carla

    Steve, that's exactly why I'm asking you guys! I don't want to mess up or be on the attack! I just want to present the best evidence possible. But geesh, there's so damn much to work with here! Where to begin?! It seems to depend alot on different personalities and where they are personally in the entire situation.And how whacked the jw they are studying with. Unity? BS, there is no such thing in the wt, in my readings anyway. See? now I sound like a raving apostate, man! my tongue will be very sore from biting it so often! Should I get brownie points for that? oh, don't worry I will be the model of decorum.

  • steve2
    oh, don't worry I will be the model of decorum.

    I know you will be. Let's face it, some people have just got to find out about life's little beartraps all by themselves. No matter what we've got on hand to warn 'em, they prefer to trudge on blindly into the minefield. I so identify with your mentioning the biting of tongue! Oh that it were simply a case of pointing out to people the obvious.But there we go: That's human nature: A tendency to see what we want to see and disregarding the rest...Be patient...very patient...

  • jgnat

    Don't go in with an agenda, and listen. On these two points you will be superior to the JW study. Ask leading questions. Let the person talk. When they express discomfort at what they are learning, validate those feelings. Give them confidence in their own intelligence (again, something the JW's don't do). I am sure that WHATEVER is bothering this woman, you have the background to give the other side of the story.

    Blondie's right. Any sniff of "apostacy" and the study will end, and your acquaintance will be done with the monthly visits.

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