Advice for a never been dating an XJW

by ColdRedRain 4 Replies latest jw friends

  • ColdRedRain

    As some of you may know on this forum, I've found a new girlfriend. She pretty much understands the fact that I have asperger's and some of my behaviors would be weird, but I need her to understand some of my behaviors that are due to me being a JW. My JW related psychological trauma includes a physically and emotionally abusive childhood, an emotionally abusive family and lots of guilt from me scaring people because of my mannerisms that they simply didn't understand. I also tend to try to be artificially extroverted to the point where I start mumbling inappropriate non-sequiturs to try to counteract myself being naturally introverted and afraid of new people. I already explained that the religion's totalitarian and she understands that, but she doesn't get it yet. I don't want to turn her into my emotional crutch like I did my last girlfriend. I'm trying to make this relationship work because she's also an Aspy and if we make this last for longer than a month, this could probably be a great relationship. What advice would you give her?

  • jgnat

    I think it is good that you brought your history up. But now, keep it quiet. No-one wants to date someone who talks about their ex constantly. If she doesn't fully understand now, she'll gradually clue in as she gets to know you better.

    If you need to apologize for a faux pas, and I imagine an Aspy has to do this regularly, just let her know the source ("sorry, a bit of my JW history slipped through", or "oops, that was my Aspberger's again, sorry about that.")

  • Gregor

    WTF is Aspburgers?

  • cyberguy

    Hey dude,

    Rather than give advice to her, I think you might need a little steering. You will simply scare her away if you bring up the JW-stuff in too much detail IMHO; I wouldn’t bring up too many details until she gets to know you better. Remember, you as a person, are not defined by your relationship with the JW’s, their unique teachings, or “organization.” That’s history now! Purge it!

    Also, do I understand that she also has Asperger Syndrome? Then you won’t have to explain too much to her about that, and yes, you may find mutual understanding if this be the case. However, I’m wondering if your Asperger Syndrome symptoms are the result of stunted or perverse development being raised a JW. Your communication skills, judging from your posts on this board, would suggest otherwise, but I’m not a doctor. However, I’ve seen a few physically-sound young people, but totally messed-up with Asperger-like symptoms in my life. Assuming you can afford it, please seek medial help. I really worry about people like because (as mentioned in other posts) of your severe depression. With regard to this, please refrain from attending JW-meetings! You’re only causing more damage on already damaged “goods.” I know your mom probably means well, but she is harming you immensely by insisting your attendance.

    Anyway, ColdRedRain, I wish you the best my friend with life and relationships, including this new one! You sound like a very fine, good person, but really screwed-up in JWism.



  • jgnat

Share this