Is arguing good?

cyberdyne systems 101

Just wanted opinions regarding having arguments.

My usual take on someone I love wronging me is to be forgiving and not argue about it. I wondering if thats not the most healthy way of dealing with matters. Maybe to have a good argument (for constructive purposes) is actually beneficial to a relationship, to air your views and let them know how it makes you feel etc. Obviously the objective is to get past it and make things right again.

Ok I admit it i'm having a bad day here, feeling fed up, just want to bury my head in the sand, sit at home watching mindless drivel on tv...

CS 101

Clam

IMO arguing is ok as long as something is resolved. If it isn't it just gets put in reserve for the next arguement as extra fuel for the fire.

Arguing isn't always easy to avoid if you're someone whose mood changes. Sometimes you can bite over something trivial, sometimes you can let stuff go. Mrs Clam and myself argue over all sorts of things, but that's because of who we are. Generally speaking it seems to clear the air

pratt1

I think arguing especially between people who love each other, can help in the long run as long as its not malicious or spite ful.

I argue sometimes with my wife or 20 year daughter and I find that they will express their true feeeling about a matter in the argument, therefore it gives me insight as to what bothers them of makes that unhappy.

I may not appreciate the actual argument in the moment of the argument, but once the tempers have cooled down, it helps me understand them better

Blowing off steam in a constructive way, can sometimes be a good thing even if it is an argument.

jgnat

If I don't express myself when something's wrong, I quickly become depressed. My depression is a sign that I haven't dealt with an issue, but I have internalized instead. I don't internalize any more. It's not healthy.

Arguing can be good, especially if it is done with purpose, and if it is done right. Here's some fast tips, freeflow:

The serenity prayer. Is it in your power to change the situation? Your partner's? If not, why argue about it?
History is history. Leave it there.
Blame is useless. Defending yourself against blame is a waste of time. All that matters is, what can we do to make it better in the future?
No personal attacks or name calling.
Don't use words like 'you always' or 'you never'. That's not true. People "sometimes" let us down. There are very few consistently evil people on the planet. List specific incidents and how they hurt you.
Have you figured out what is the key BEHAVIOR that is bothering you? Do you know what your partner has to change to make it right? If you are not clear, you can't get reconciliation.
Focus on BEHAVIOR not MOTIVE. No-one knows for sure what the motive of another is. Focus on what they DID not what you THINK THEY FELT.
In the post-argument glow of reconciliation, repeat what you agreed to do so you don't have to repeat the argument later.

This works between healthy people. Manipulators are a whole other ballgame.

cyberdyne systems 101

Well I just got back from the pending arguement that I was probably alluding to. Its amazing how good you feel after clearing the air about stuff. I have always in the past tended to shy away from saying how I felt about a situation, which has meant i've never addressed lots of things over that time. Since I have left the WTS I have steadily been maturing beyond that state that I was held in for so long, and it feels wonderful!!!

Anyway the upshot is that things have been cleared up, and the motive has been to sort it out and move on, not simply win. In fact we are both winners!

CS 101

anewme

From my experience arguing is not as much fun as agreeing with your partner.
I am divorced from my first husband I loved so much, but we always argued. We were totally different people with totally different likes and dislikes. For instance, I like an English Country Garden/ He likes a cactus garden! I like antiques/ He likes the bamboo island look. We both liked to go hiking, but when he got injured we didnt do it anymore. I liked to spend Saturdays with him/ He wanted to spend them all day in service. I wanted to leave right after the meetings/ He insisted we stay and chat for an hour! I wanted to take a vacation somewhere lovely/ He felt visiting his brother in Hellhole was enough. How and why did we ever marry? Both of us were inexperienced daters and just felt the urges I guess and thought it was love.
After 20 years of arguing and trying unsuccessfully to live together, we parted ways.

Then I met an AWESOME MATCH! This man and I like EVERYTHING TOGETHER!!!!! It is so much more fun!!!
We like the same furniture, gardens, colors, textures, places, music, food, being together, we even think of the same things at the same time! We can finish each others sentences! When I am feeling blue---he knows why and makes me feel better. I know what buttons not to push in him-----and dont-----and he so he feels secure around me. We stick up for each other at all times. We are in each others happy dreams.
This is a fun and happy friendship. He is better to me than mother, father, brother, or any other friend I have ever had. He is better to me than I have been to myself. And his love has helped more than any other to free me from the grips of the Watchtower madness which makes you feel like a nobody.

I recommend to anybody considering a partner to find one you have ALOT IN COMMON WITH. And if you are in a relationship with someone you argue with, lessen the fights by analyzing what makes your mate mad and irritated and then DONT DO IT. Compromise may be needed. (I lasted at least 20 years with someone I had nothing in common with. We had some good times.)

Anewme

jgnat

I don't mind accommodating anewme, as long as I'm not suppressing something vital about myself. My husband is a naturally contrary man, and he would much prefer to see me spittin' mad to sad. So if I have a long face, he usually says something outrageously stupid to break me out of my funk. It works. Thanks to my practice on HIM, I've gotten much better at saying, "Heck no I'm not doin' that!"

I've even caught myself telling my dad off. To my surprise, he didn't fall apart.

Sometimes it pays just to say what we really feel. Without being mean, of course.

damselfly

My boyfriend will NOT argue with me and it drives me mad!

I find I a good arguement helps to get everything in the open so you can deal with it and move on.

Dams

Poodles

I'm all for arguing, but i call it "debating" instead, it does a body good to "clear the air", how else do you know what's on the other persons mind if you don't discuss it!

Paula

Is arguing good?

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