Toronto Stop Sexual Abuse Walk story & pics

The ACTivist magazine

Youth Rally and March to Stop Child Sexual Abuse
Written by John Bonnar
Wednesday, 24 May 2006

photos by John BonnarOn Sunday, May 21st, 100 supporters and survivors braved the rain, wind and mid-April temperatures as they walked from City Hall, four kilometres west along Queen Street and back, in the first annual Walk to Stop the Silence to stop child sexual abuse.

Participants chanted ‘Stop Child Sexual Abuse, Stop Hurting Our Youth’ as they marched along the sidewalks. Passersby stopped to listen to their message.

"We have to stop child sexual abuse and find ways to protect our children," said event organizer Joanne Vannicola of Youth Out Loud. "This event is designed to raise awareness and get people talking about the issue."

"We have to teach children how to speak out against sexual violence," she said. "Governments have to make a huge shift in dealing with this issue because it is an epidemic."

Vannicola said we need to keep protesting until our governments, social and criminal justice systems change they way they operate. "It’s time to start putting youth first. No second chances for pedophiles."

photos by John Bonnar"We need to tell our youth it’s not only important for them to disclose, but when they do we must do everything in our power to help them find better ways of living, love and nurturing support," she said. "The system’s broken but we can fix it."

Vannicola added that every two in three girls and every one in four boys, before adulthood, will have been sexually violated.

One of the problems is that victims of abuse keep quiet too much, said a group of grade 10 students from Cawthra Park Secondary School in Mississauga. They said that in their civics class they discuss and debate a range of issues including sexual abuse.

"I don’t think enough attention is paid to child sexual abuse by the media or by the people who govern the country", said supporter Mark Johnson wearing an ‘I’m Walking to Stop Child Sexual Abuse’ sticker.

"Personal issues such as shame and lack of esteem contribute to our silence," said Donald D’Haene, a survivor of 11 years of child sexual abuse at the hands of his father. "Our abusers count on it."

"My disclosure, in 1981, began my road to freedom," he said. "My refusal to remain silent is the only reason why I’m speaking here today. I went from a weak wallflower to an extroverted, charismatic dominant force to be dealt with, from a mouse to a mouse that roared."

D’Haene said that if you break into your neighbour’s house, you’ll receive a longer sentence than if you abuse your child.

He said that sexual abuse isn’t just a physical act that ends when the abuse stops. You’re sentenced to be a victim for life.

"Children are taught to be quiet their whole life," said human rights activist Shaila Kibria. "How then does a 6 year old abused girl go to her mum and say ‘Mummy, he just put his hands down my pants’ without being labeled a troublemaker."

She said they do this to vulnerable girls and boys because they think they can get away with it.

photos by John BonnarRick Brazeau, a survivor, stood at the rally holding a picture of an 11 year old boy who was abused three months before this picture was taken in 1963.

"I like to carry this picture around to show people that it wasn’t me being abused," said Brazeau. "It was this little child who couldn’t speak and was told not to speak."

Brazeau was abused by his Sudbury parish priest when he was an altar boy. It happened only the one time, in the sacristy where he changed. The priest masturbated against him before serving Mass.

"I don’t remember serving Mass," he said. "I only remember ringing the bells at Communion."

Brazeau said he remembers going home and lying on his bed wondering what he had done to make this priest do this to him. He said his mother was very religious, a good follower of the church, and he didn’t think he could talk to her about this incident.

"I hid it for 41 years," Brazeau said. "I became a drug addict and an alcoholic. I went through three marriages."

He’s been in therapy for three years and said it’s been an amazing experience. He’s been able to think about who he was, who he is and what happened.

"It’s been really hard but it’s been really rewarding," he said. "It’s been the first time in my life I’ve felt any peace."

Brazeau confronted his abuser and said he took the shame he felt for 41 years and gave it back to him.

Irene Deschenes came to the rally carrying a photo of herself taken by her abuser, a priest, when she was 10 years old. For two years, she was abused by him at St.Ursula's School and Church in Chatham, Ontario.

"My memories were repressed until 1992 when my daughter turned the same age I was when I was abused," said Deschenes. "Ever since then I’ve been trying to fight for justice and healing."

Her case is currently before the courts.

"I was raped in infancy and abused through adolescence," said psychotherapist and artist Dr. Michael Irving, designer of the Child Abuse Survivor Monument slated to be displayed at the Air Canada Centre. "I started making art, writing about my art and my child abuse and it helped me heal."

Irving said this day is about speaking out because it heals.

That’s the premise behind his Child Abuse Survivor Monument.

In 1990, when he visited the Vietnam Memorial, he realized how it healed American society around the war issue.

photos by John Bonnar"The war issue is very much like child abuse," said Irving. "It’s covered in distancing, denial and post traumatic stress disorder."

He said every one of us is, in one way or another, touched by child abuse through the enormous taxes we pay to deal with health care, prison and unemployment related issues of survivors.

For five years, Irving spoke with survivors about what a Survivor Monument should be. They told him it needed to be collaborative, personal and storytelling. Hundreds of people from across Canada have contributed their ‘hands’ to be placed on the outside and inside of the monument. A message is drawn or written, on or around the outline of each hand.

Sixteen year old Vicky Avramopoulos suffered sexual abuse for a few years of her life. Prior to the abuse, she said she was a pretty normal, happy kid.

"I was made to feel as if I was worth nothing," said Avramopoulos. "I grew very powerless and weak because of what this man did to me. What hurt the most is that I thought I couldn’t tell anyone."

"I was made to believe that I deserved to be sexually abused," she said. "One of the hardest things I had come to terms with over the last two years is that I am not to blame. I have no reason to feel guilty for his actions."

She said she was only looking for love, comfort, support and someone to talk to. He wanted a lot more from her.

photos by John BonnarFor two years, Avramopoulos said she shut herself down, grew numb and detached from the world around her, and felt alone, ashamed and embarrassed. She sank into a deep depression, began her own cycle of self abuse and even tried to take her life.

"I went through many days unable to look at myself in the mirror," said Avramopoulos. "I felt so disgusted to what I was becoming."

Her world was falling apart and she had no control over it.

She said she felt proud about breaking free from the power of control by coming forward and speaking about her experience.

But she admits that she’s still overcoming obstacles to this day.

Proceeds from today’s walk will benefit the Toronto Child Abuse Centre, Central Toronto Youth Services and Youth Out Loud.

Toronto Stop Sexual Abuse Walk story & pics

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