Who Here Feel Strongly?

by ballistic 6 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  ballistic

  I feel so mad because of what I went through for the "truth" I just want to SHOUT about it. I'm not mad with the individuals, some of which are genuine, mostly good, and nearly all mislead. I just view the whole organisation like a run away machine, gone crazy, dangerous. The reason I'm posting is because although I find this board and the Internet helpfull, I am not becoming calm or settled, I'm just getting madder and madder all the time. I can't express how I feel (not even on the cussing forum), I suppose I'm learning to hate.

  I just want to know, is it just me, or does anyone else hold resentment and what are your reasons?
• 

  bboyneko

  As you realize the extent of your spiritual and emotional abuse and blackmail, the extent to which your life was wasted beleivin in lies, you hate justly the society and its principles.

  -Dan
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  Winston

  Ballistic,

  Hello and I think anger is a natural feeling when find out you have been misled by someone and the greater the loss thru their deceit quite naturally the greater the anger.

  You like all of us need to learn to deal with it for our own good.

  Exsposing the WT is a good outlet as long as you know how to pace your self and when to take a break for your own good and that of those closest to you.

  Feeling strongly thats good, just don't those feelings rob you of love and happiness.

  Former elder turned apostate (by WT definition)[:)}and proud of it!
• 

  safe4kids

  Hey ballistic,

  I agree with what Dan said...and I'd also like to add from my own personal experience that the strong feelings do tend to subside after awhile but they don't go away completely. Sounds to me like you feel justifiable anger towards the pain you suffered; I think that's a normal and healthy reaction.

  hang in there, it does seem to get better

  Dana

  "I undid his head collar and took him outside for a drink, and felt, if not exactly a communion with him, at least an awareness of being a fellow creature on a lonely planet."

  Dick Francis in "To The Hilt"
• 

  dungbeetle

  It's part of the healing process..anger is one of the recovery phases. You are actually feeling something very normal. * http://www.freedomofmind.com/ maybe helpful to
  you.

  Feel better,

  dungbeetle...cleaning up the crap.
• 

  more2C

  Hello Ballistic,

  I just wanted to say that you are not alone. Perhaps this is the first time you can be objective, since you NOW know that the Society is flawed with discrepancies.

  Healing takes time.

  I was never baptized. I just kept reminding the elders, "It's such an important step that involves God + myself...." I grew up in the "truth" since I was 2 until the age of 26. Ten years have passed and I am still struggling through the grieving process, with an active JW parent.

  You have a great sense of humor and I enjoy reading your posts. Never loose that. I believe that laughter can get you through the hardest times. Talking, self-help books, and medical doctors I found can be helpful.

  I think anger can be positive, as it can motivate a new start in one's life. Good Luck with your progress, and don't forget there are many here who support you.

  more2C
• 

  Bridgette

  I agree, I think anger and resentment are VERY integral to the healing process. Especially when we were taught to "stuff" everything down (i.e., JEHOVAH'S PEOPLE ARE THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE ON EARTH--NOTHING WRONG HERE, EVERYBODY'S JOYOUS, AND HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY,---NOW REJOICE, DAMMIT!!!!) All of that gets built up after a while, when it finds an outlet---watch out!!! Just let the toxins flow out. Find a creative outlet, like drawing, writing, painting--even helping others, here is a good outlet.
  I was fortunate that I worked through most of my anger while I was in. I used to draw the most hellacious, mecabre pictures you've ever seen. My ex husband wouldn't even look at them. I drew one called Armageddon with all of the dying souls crying in anguish. It was really the cry of my soul. I even won a contest one time in a magazine for a pic I did of a badly distorted face screaming called the scream within. I couldn't show it to any of my "Happy Witness" so called "friends" though, becasue it showed how tortured and angry I was inside.
  Now I can't draw anything but flowers, children, and "fluff". Now that I'm happy and whole, I've lost my tortured artist edge!! Oh well it's WELL WORTH IT!!!
  Love,
  B.