For those of you waiting to tell your spouses about your "doubts"

by Nosferatu 8 Replies latest social relationships

  • Nosferatu

    This post is for those who are wanting to fade, going through their "doubts" and wanting to tell their significant others about where they stand on the JW issue.

    There is no doubt that the finest time in any male-female relationship is the dating stage. The both of you are full of infatuation for each other, and the excitement of just being together puts you in a pleasant mood.

    Now, years later, you have settled down, have children, and have fallen into many routines. It almost seems as if there's no time for the two of you to spend time with each other.

    What I'm going to suggest is, before you tell your S/O how you're feeling about the "truth", try re-establishing those feelings that you once had before you take that major step. Think back to the days where you were just dating and in the early stages of your relationship. What activities did you do on your dates? Did you tease them? Flirt with them? What made you stop? Why did you stop?

    Take your S/O back down the path of memory lane. Begin to treat them as if you're dating them all over again. Take them to the places you went when you first dated. Do things that young couples in love do: Feed ducks, go rollerskating, have a tickle / pillow fight, in other words try and re-establish the youth that the both of you embraced when you first started dating.

    This will help improve your relationship and gives your S/O positive feelings about you. Natural love is much stronger than controlled love. You just have to elevate that natural love and make it much more valuable and precious than the controlled love.

    When you finally tell your S/O about your feelings about the JW religion, they will still be upset, but they will have much more respect and love for you than if you did it while your relationship was feeling a bit stale.

    Afterwards, continue doing these fun and exciting activities with your S/O. You need to continue bringing out the best in them. This will help them see that you're not the vile and horrible person that the WTS has warned them about. They may even be a bit more open to hearing about your "doubts".

    In summary, strengthen your relationship before you make a change that could potentionally destroy it. If your relationship is strong, there will be less damage done to it.

  • TheListener

    In all seriousness this could take a long time to accomplish. I worked and faded for several years, all the while planning the work and working the plan. In the end I have an intact family, though not all out, but much more freedom for me and some of my children.

    Good advice Nosferatu.

  • xjwms

    This is good....and Thanks for taking the time to think this through, and put it here.

    Very good advice

    Much to think about here.

  • leftbelow

    That is good advice!

  • lilybird

    When I was first having doubts, my husband and I were arguing because I always had a reason not to go to meetings,, I was sick ,, the kids were sick I was just too tired.. In the middle of the argument,, I told him I wanted to have Christmas and birthdays and raise my kids normal like everyone else. My husband just looked at me and told me I needed to speak to the elders. But we never spoke about that again . Guess we were both mulling it over..

    Finally,, we were at the summer assembly in Toronto,, it was boiling hot, We were trying to sit thru boring talks blathering on about the same crap over and over. Our boys were 3 and 5 and I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter,, Not fun,,, halfway thru the first day,, my husband and I looked at each other and said.."Lets get out of here".. So we left with the mindless droning going on behind us.. Never went back again and officially disassociated ourselves a few months after out daughter was born..Funny how we both did have doubts.. Then it hit like a ton of bricks at the same moment Now thats KARMA... LOL..

  • daniel-p

    Yes, thanks for the advice.

  • delilah

    Nos, your are wise beyond your years....are you really 28???? Excellent advice...

  • jgnat

    Yes, you have to give your partner time to get up to speed.

    I often see this with divorces, as well. One partner will have been drifting away from some time, thought about it, then drops the bombshell on the unsuspecting partner. It's not fair. They need time to adjust.

    Amazing 1914 did something similar. Before breaking the news, he initiated a series of home bible studies where he gradually introduced "independent thinking". He was able to leave the society with his family intact.

    It's a tough go leaving the society whichever way you look at it. A wise JW does not voice his doubts because even lifetime friends could turn them in if threatened with the "truth about the truth". On the other hand, how long do you hold it all in before you explode? I admire Listener for approaching the problem slowly and wisely.

  • anewme

    Very very very wise words indeed.

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