Is This Possable?

by 2112 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • 2112

    We have a lot of posts hear about the society's lack of substance over the past few years. As a result many dub's are leaving. Yet I have also noticed many dub's trying to attend more mtgs. and do more service. I was wondering if they are trying to fill a void, not realizing that the viod is from the society. Or if they feel that it is their fault for not being spiritual enough that they have this void?

    What are your thoughts?

  • james_woods

    I haven't been around it for a long time, but I do know a case that fits your theory. It is the story of the weirdest fader I ever knew. This was a guy and his family who came to Okla. City from California. He moved because he was in the aerospace industry and wanted to be transferred to a plant that did not do defense contracts. He was a model witness for most all the time that I was active, volunteer, servant, aux pioneer...

    He faded out a little before me. As far as anyone could tell, it had nothing to do with doctrinal issues - although I think 1975 had some small effect. What little he would say, I think it was an offense over hypocrital acts of some locals. He was a very close friend both before and after I was DFd at the Ray Franz group time. As he had already faded, he still talked to me and was supportive of my situation. About 15 or more years later (1995) he retired and sold his business.

    Now, it gets weird after a year or two. He starts going to WT meetings but will not comment. Then, he starts going back to book study, then other meetings and service. We were still in touch, and I had to ask why. He said "well, I'm retired now and I missed seeing my friends". I said, "yeah, OK - but how can you get past the fact that they LIED TO YOU?" So he said "OK, so they lied but I still miss them".

    Pretty soon he is more active than he was 25 years before - like he was making up for the faded years. Recently he decided to shun me like he was told but sent me watchtowers for quite a while. My take - he is paying the activity and loyalty price to have his old friends admire him in his later years. So, maybe some of the ones you mention are doing this for more personal reasons than religious ones.


  • FairMind

    I see your point JW (james_woods). I kind of fall into the same category as your friend. I don’t' have a lot of problem with most JW doctrines but no longer accept their claim as being God's organization because of the hypocrisy and lack of true Christian love. Still, I remain a JW because of family and a few friends. If it wasn't for the family and friends in the organization I would leave in a heartbeat.

  • greendawn

    There will always be fanatical adherents in any org but what really matters is the overall picture.

    Fair Mind what JW doctrines is it that you don't believe in?

  • 2112

    I too can see your point, but I was really refering to those like my wife who is still and active JW. I do know many who only stay because they don't want to lose family. It's sad really, even the spiritual elders know that these people are only going to keep family and friends and they really don'y believe all the rubbish. Yet, the elders look past it all and say "Look at our truly united and loving congragartion" Yuck!!

    Anyway it is the active JW's that I see as "filling a void"

    Maybe I'm wrong>


  • 2112

    Fair Minds

    Are you being Fair Minded to yourself and your family if you are living a lie.

    I'm not criticizing you, I just don"t want you to lose yourself in there trying to walk that tight rope.

    Best wishes.

  • Carmel

    It seems to me some of us are "wired" in such a way we will do any thing to keep our family and circle of friends (reference group) even to the point of remaining a dub. Others put a much higher value in being honest to self and letting the chips fall where they may. I seem to fall into the latter catagory, but after seeing so much discussion about the variety of differences on how we handle our "exit" I've concluded that we likely all are capable of making the same choices. I postulate that when we come to the point of realizing the reality of the "troof" we likely look at the plusses and minuses and chose that which causes the least pain to our own psychie. If remaining a dub and enduring the five hours of meetings and all the other misery associated with membership, we likely will disregard the cognitive dissonance required to stay in, down grading the "value" of personal self worth and dignity. On the flip side, if our family and friends were dysfunctional and not that great of an emotional investment, walking away and building a new life without them would be an easy decision. The latter was true for me. For those that chose otherwise, I sympathize and support what you have chozen. I only hope it isn't too sufferable.


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