My story - update

InquiryMan

This past week have had some up and downs, but mostly at normal level. I had my 2nd discussion with the first gay man I ever met at the Gay Health Centre. He was really touched with my story, and when we departed he gave me a warm hug. It was like I never would stop hugging him. After all, the past 6 years, the only hugs I’ve got has been from my children. But this was a different kind of hug. It was some sort of agape - although unconditional in its form. I also felt it was quite different than a farewell hug as I’ve done before in a way of showing politeness. I sung all the way back to work. (Good morning, Starshine). (Yes, I do like musicals, Il divo (they look smashing too) and Eurovisiong song Contest :-). In the evening it was another group session and it went along fine. On the way back, three were talking (obviously they do know one another a bit from before) and I went along cause it was on my way back to the parking house. I felt they ignored me, but I guess I am overly sensitive. So I felt very depressed when driving home. My wife, even stated I looked depressed. She did encourage me to go on. Of course, I have to realize that there might be setbacks. Having told a few persons, at the same time makes me somewhat more vulnerable. But that is fine. I have to take things step by step. I appreciate even the very small input people may give. I would appreaciate that those who pm`ed me, answers my replies if possible cause it is so important to me. Have a nice weekend all of you!

Brigid

Sounds like you're unfolding nicely and beautifully. Of course, there will be setbacks, I'm sure. Take life's milkshakes where you can and ignore the rest.

Remember the old addage, you'll probably have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince charming.

Blessings,

~Brigid

InquiryMan

I am longing for that first kiss :-ooo. But I am not dreaming of any freakin’ frog.

jstalin

You're just getting started guy. Don't let one incident get you down. You've made the first step of getting out there to meet people like you. The rest will come in time.

It's kinda like learning how to date all over again, isn't it?

InquiryMan

It is true. But as I wrote, there is so much happening at the same time - me selling our house, my family’s future/structure is changing, I am attending the support group/getting out of the closet, living with my wife, struggling with various emotions, having lots of work to do (always been an escape to me, I am handling that part nicely) and being a very emotional personality at the same time. There is a obviously a lot of emotional strain, but I have the asset I think, that I have self-irony, great sense of humor, (my "gay" mentor even stated I had charisma), and I am able to speak openly about difficult matters - something I never did before. I always kept sort of a distance to people. What I need now is to be selective, not taking everything personally (after all the world does not revolve around me), not being naive. During my time as a witness, I belonged to a disliked minority, and people had that label on me. The past 3-4 years, I have just been viewed as a "normal" person. Suddenly I am on the verge of entering the "minority" status again. I think I´ll have to make use of that past as a positive factor, e.g. what I did when I was treated in a cold way at the doors? I never took that personally did I. It was because people saw me just a JW, a narrow label in a naw. It is the same now, if people may view me differently, just because a new aspect of me is made known t them, so be it. But I guess for me the challenge is to be able to discern that although I meet fellow gays, so to speak, we´re just as different, although having one common denominator. There are so many different types of people there as well. Gradually, I guess I´ll be able to find my preferences (I am not talking about sexual matters) etc. But on the other hand, having grown up as a witness, I was never on the hetero "wordly" dating scene either. We met at a congregational book study for the first time, where I was the substitute book study conductor, coming rushing in the other, half a minute to late... Hanging out on bars/pubs has never been part of my life. I do not mind going out though, but I have to learn the social codes so to speak. There is much ahead, and I am looking forward to embrace life with all its aspects, but I have to adapt that to my personality, and also align that the responsinbility I have towards my children. But I do feel whole and still have peace of mind and heart...

InquiryMan

a narrow label in a naw. SUPPOSED to be: a narrow label in a way.

littlerockguy

Inquiry Man:

Where are you from? I dont know if I had asked you that but I sent you a PM. Did you get it?

InquiryMan

Yes, and I did reply promptly. Perhaps that is the reason why I do not get so many pm’s replies. I do write them, but the receiver does not get them? I am Scandinavian. Please write me again, I valued your pm, please feel to tell me your story too.

littlerockguy

Sorry I didn't get your PM reply back; but you can email me at [email protected]

I have a relationship with a Scandinavian man who comes and visits me a couple of times a year; cant see him very often since he lives in Denmark and I am here in the US but we email, talk and video chat online, etc. Would love to chat with you sometime :)

InquiryMan

In case anyone would like to drop a few lines, feel free to mail me at: [email protected]

My story - update

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