Jehovah calls off Armageddon, labour issues

by IP_SEC 5 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • IP_SEC

    AP January 1, 2010
    Jehovah calls off Armageddon, labour issues

    World pop 1990 5.252 billion
    World pop 1999 5.996 billion
    World pop 2006 6.496 billion

    Sources have it that the fear inspiring day of Jehovah may be delayed so that some flesh can be spared. Coupled with booming population and languishing numbers of witnesses the work is just too great.

    “The friends aren’t interested in preaching anymore and with the work at a stop in the industrialized world, we just can’t keep the organization going anymore” said Michael Jackson, newest member of the syndicate’s governing body.

    Boli, an elder in India claims that en mass witnessing was tried, but babies are being born so fast that even the Witnesses commercials during Survivor and American Idol can’t keep up. Funding for Prime Time commercials were recently curtailed due to enormous law suites due to the “big news” of 2005.

  • moggy lover
    moggy lover

    Hey - and what about this follow up news flash:

    The Artist Formerly Known As Prints, another GB member, stated today that the District Conventions organised for later this summer will have a slightly different format.

    The Opening Adress will be performed by Freddie Frantz And the Dreamers, while the Nathan Homer Gnaws will perform live at the Ritual Baptisms. The Watchtower Magazine will be renamed The Rocktower, and because so many of the R&F members can neither read nor think it will only have pictures. "There's a pretty one of me in Hot Pink on the cover" gushed the enthusiastic Prints

    Declining financial contributions from the R&F has caused Gods Organisation to invest in profitable industries instead, a GB spokesman said. Since the most profitable industry today is armaments, we are going full steam ahead in the manufacturing of state-of-the-art miniture hand grenades. Now, instead of just "macing" your victim, you can nuke him instead, the spokesman added. Instead of the Rocktower magazine, the R&F members will now sbmit a monthly report on how many of these they "place on a contribution" at your door. Yep - coming to a neighbourhood just like yours soon!


  • kittyeatzjdubs


    luv, jojo

  • Calliope

    we have to wait til 2010?!?!???

  • greendawn

    It's good for the JWs that it didn't come because they would be among the first to go, not to the paradise but to Gehenna, given their unchristian mindset and behaviour.

  • IP_SEC
    we have to wait til 2010?!?!???

    Yes, this is when it will end. Nothing happens over night. Except night that is.

    I have forseeeen it

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