Dating is either a nightmare or hilarious (depending on my mood!)

by Cady 8 Replies latest social relationships

  • Cady

    So on rare occasions I get the brilliant idea that online dating is worth a shot. I'm in the Psych program at school, 90% of which is female, and since I work and am in school almost all the time I tend to only rarely run into single guys my age.

    So this guy invited me to his company's yearly party Sat. - he actually works for this huge online retailer, so lots of techy people and what not, good drinks, whatever. He asks out me all the time, I don't have any idea why b/c I don't particularly care for him (we'd gone out twice before), he doesn't ever talk about himself, we don't have anything in common - I finally just gave in this time and went. Well, we meet up and he tends to go between super nice (pulling out my chair, etc.) and just stupid and rude (walking way faster than I could in heels, I was talking about something and he just says "whatever")!! I would have left but our coats were on the same claim ticket and I didn't want to explain myself to him.

    So we go to a party afterwards at his friend's house in this great condo in Belltown, more booze, actually kind of cool people - a guy from Russia, one from India, a Canadian guy, couple of Americans. Very interesting people. But the guy I'm with is so drunk and he keeps saying "I'll be sober in a half-hour" as he takes another swig of beer. His friend's like "that's not water you're drinking there dude." So at 3:30 I need to go but no way in hell am I getting in a car with this drunk idiot; I go to call a cab but one of his friends offers to drive me home.

    On the way home, his friend asked me about the guy I was with - "have you met his wife?"


    Okay, so story #2: call this company about some computer stuff, guy chats w/me over the phone and later sends me an email of a more personal nature. Very neat guy, has this incredible feminist mom who's a big author, etc. Has his own house/lake/etc. in Northern California. We have these long great conversations. He wants to come up and visit.

    So I start reading about this place he lives in the middle of nowhere - it's called Fellowship of Friends, or Apollo, in some town called Oregon House. He lives in a freaking religious commune!! Being as I've already been the crazy cult route, added to the well-deserved advice of some dear friends(!), that is thankfully done.


    So I think dating is pretty close to hell. The advantage is you die someday, and then you're just asleep and so out of your misery!! :-)

    Okay, I would be more positive but it's almost midnight. Anyone have similarly lovely stories to share? You'll cheer me up!

  • DavidChristopher

    I owe alot to my Psyche major ex. She was probably the only woman I have been with I wanted to marry. One of the only ones I connected with, and could communicate with. Keep your head up girl.

  • tetrapod.sapien

    LOL Cady! sorry, i shouldn't laugh, but you know, just the way you composed it was priceless. but ya, sorry to hear that dating is such a drag lately. i hear ya, it's torture sometimes, but then when it is good, it's great, of course.

    i am starting to think that dating and love and romance is basically a lose/lose situation that we cannot avoid because of our biology. you could be stoic and monk-like and never date, but then you will never love either, and that is a loss, imo. but then if you date, you are bound to be hurt sooner or later, especially if you don't meet "mr. right" on the first date, which we know rarely happens. and the torture involved in this aspect of falling in and out of infatuation and/or love, is a loss too, because it's like a rollercoaster and painful at times. at some point, i guess, people decide which route they want. stoic and no romantic passion. or romantic with the good times as blissful (win - while it lasts), and the bad times as hell (lose - in the long run). depressing outlook hey? well, i suppose i would be happy for my cherished hypothesis to be shot out of the water. we'll see. :)

    personally, i think people who decide on the stoic/monk route are fooling themselves. it's my opinion that us humans are wired for romance, ergo 6 billion people on the planet. so, even if you decided to swear off men altogether (and in a way i don't blame you for wanting to right now, lol), i still think you would suffer the torture of love. the only problem is there would be no good times to go with the bad. and if any fool ever tells you that they are only having all good times in their successful relationship, be sure to slap them out of whatever denial-esque defense mechanism they are suffering from, LOL.

    i asked myself if i would prefer to be a flat-liner and swear off women, or go through the painful/blissful rollercoaster of love and lust as many times as it takes for the rest of my life, and i guess i choose the rollercoaster. does this all sound incredibly like that show, sex in the city? ha ha, well, i think it's a well done show.

    anyways, best wishes. long time no talk. :)


  • Cady

    Thanks guys - you know, it's one of those nights where even though I have a ton of work to do tomorrow and know staying up late is not helping, it just seems like too much effort to actually go to bed.

    I don't know TS, I think being a monk is self-delusional but, heck, we were JWs for years - self-delusion's one of our strengths!!

  • Oroborus21

    yeah, it is really going to be hit and miss with that kind of dating.

    there is of course a lot of info and advice out there for you so I will just give you my 20 second recommendation: Take an evening class at an extension college program or community college. It might only be once or twice a week and affordable. You will not only be enriching yourself, but you will probably have the opportunity to meet some adult single guys in a safe and sober environment. (or any other type of learning situation, like a culinary class, something at the museum, etc.)


  • tetrapod.sapien
    self-delusion's one of our strengths!!

    heh, true. true.

  • beksbks

    Hmmm Cady, 27 single. TetraS, 28 single.........................??

  • serendipity

    I met one guy from online dating. When we met in the late afternoon on Saturday, it was obvious he had been doing some dirty work, and had not changed his clothes or bothered to shower, as he smelled a bit ripe. During our "date", he proceeded to tell me all about his ex girlfriends and how they were psychos. Also told me about his psycho, abusive mother. When the check came, he pushed it toward me, pulled out $20 and says "this will cover mine and some of yours as well." He then asked what kind of tip I was going to leave. Thankfully he didn't get fresh. And yes, he asked for another date. Is it any wonder he was still single at 47?

  • moshe

    I had this explained to me once- men and women marry to fulfill these basic needs:

    love, sex, procreation/family, material security & companionship. If a couple needs all 5 , they will have a strong marriage- if it's a 2nd marriage and they already have kids, you're down to 4. If both have really good jobs/bank acct's, you're down to 3. At some point if you are single long enough sex goes out the window,too. Now you are left with love and companionship. Many men never need anything but sex and some companionship- they don't need to get married, yet. Good luck.



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