Ever found yourself grown up?

by Sparkplug 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • Sparkplug

    My mom is getting older, and we had a real thin ice relationship all of my life. She is older now, and I have been stressing because she needs care, maybe committed. She has nothing. Her JW life left no room for planning for old age. Seh also had such a big heart that she always put herself last, and took as best as she could care for us kids. It was a very poor lifestyle. At any rate, I am alive.

    She now is crazy and needs to have more control taken over her finances and health. We, my one brother and I, proposed that we would try to get her to go live with him again. But last time they fought so badly. Well this time he is a bit humbled and we are both scratching trying to come up with money to take care of her while letting her keep her own place. This really..REALLY...has not worked well. So he get devious today and picks her up to go apartment hunting. hehe

    He takes her to his home and shows her the back entrance and the living quarters that are like an efficiency apartment. She noses around and says "hey look, they have a bearded dragon just like my son.". This IS her grandsons lizard. ?He tricked her into liking the place before he told her it was his. He offers it to her at 285 a month and she offers 200, then he says 250 and she says 225. Well, whatever. At any rate, she said ok. She also told him that he was a JW not a JEW. (I found that really amusing)

    Then she calls me so mad about this highway robbery. So I stood up like a grown up and said somthing like...mom, that is a great deal. You are safe, your health is failing, you will have someone there for you, you can keep your dog, you have all the cable tv, music and movies you could want. A yard, utilities and rent all for 250 a month. This way you still are in charge of your finances. You are in a good neighborhood and close to the Asian market. I think it is a great price, besides, you dont want to live off your son.

    She was taken aback and later he called and said how she has a piece of draft paper and is setting up planning of belongings and spacing of the items she has, and planning on how to budget and asked if she could paint, etc. This is a big load off my mind and a small load off the pocketbook. All I have to do is visit a few minutes after I get the kids from school. That is not hard, and it is no big deal to take her shopping a few times a month. Just make sure she stays in budget.
    She also was to come stay here to give him space a couple times a month, but she refused. She is feeling too bad, and for once my brother said ok, that he understood. So I don't have to have joint custody of her and her dog twice a month.

    Strange how I never spoke up to her and this last year I have grown up and can give her an opinion and actually have her listen once in a while.

    ALSO-She also told me she has her own reasons and has not gone to meetings in a year or more. My brother has not either. I am not sure of all the in's and outs as to why, they wont talk to me about it...but I think they are seeing it all a bit more clear. She even called and asked for a plate of that pagan holiday food I cook. LMAO

  • Golden Girl
    Golden Girl

    What nice kids she raised!

    How old is she..? I am living alone but find it so hard to keep up with repairs to the house. Seems like everything started to fall apart when my husband died.

    My kids are all so busy..I generally have to hire someone to fix things. That is so expensive. I just don't know if I could stand to lose my independence. I guess I'm like your Mom.

    If I had my own section of the house that wouldn't be too bad..but my oldest daughter wanted me to just come live with her to help her out. I would have my own bedroom and bathroom but it wouldn't be the same. I would rather live in a small condo by myself.

    I am just tired of paying so much to get things done around the house that I can't do myself. Even though I have learned to fix a lot of things myself.

    I hope you patted yourself on the back for being such a good Daughter ( and son).


  • cheezy

    Hey Snoozy - is it correct that you are only 63? Whoa, girl, you gotta a lotta years ahead of you - and you're too young to be dependent on anyone. Cripes, I hope I don't even have to THINK about living with my kids - well, ever. You're only 6 years older than me. Step up!

  • jeanniebeanz


    I think it's awsome that you still have your mom and that she is slipping away from the Borg. Being able to help like that and have her maintain a portion of her independance is also pretty neat.

    Very creative solution, and artfuly delivered to her... lol


  • fairchild

    That sounds like a great arrangement! And, um, I am kind of curious as to why she is not going to the meetings anymore. I bet she'll tell you some time.

  • Sparkplug

    Golden Girl= Well she is 70. but (always a but) she has dymentia and she is looking pretty bad. She has 4 kids and the two really close to the borg rarely help. They wont take her. There are 7 of us, stepkids included and the two of us take care of her. It is hard because I cannot get all my stuff done either. I guess getting off the chat board would help huh? lol

    Jeannie- It would be cool if I actually had her. It is a very strange case she and I. I take care of her because she is my mom. I should do this. I still feel like it is no use if I save the world, but neglect my family. I really cannot say how hard it is for me to be around her. I slip in this coma state to get through it. One can actually see me glaze over and do what I must. Thanks though. It helps me through it to see other people relate to it sometimes. Tho' It is not something people always get. Pretty difficult situation. Oh well, see me glazing over.

    Hey Cheezie.

  • Sparkplug

    fairchild- she may. I think it it because she was such a JW nazi, and we sacraficed so much and she was so hard on us. Now only one person calls her from there. She was such a straight up follower and helped so many people. Now she goes crazy and seeing she is not where we were when we grew up, she does not get any help or love from them. It has to be so sad to live your whole life and loose or miss so much and nobody cares.

    My brother, well, he may tell me someday. He was DF'ed before and now, he does not go, but will NOT discuss anything with me. Lately he has been dropping small tidbits of his opinion. It is a lot stronger against what he sees that before, but he still will not talk onit.

  • Billygoat


    You are a good daughter. I can't say I'd have the where-with-all to do the same thing if my parents were in town. I could do it with my moms, but not my dad. I'd have to have him committed. But the last time I saw my mom (step-mom actually) was about 5 1/2 years ago. She seemed so frail and tiny. Shorter than I remember and a lot more gray. She was funnier than I remembered though...sillier. I just wanted to hug her and stick her in my purse and take her home.


    My brothers live in Hawaii with my folks and will probably be the ones to take care of my folks. But Mozz and I are the only kids in town to take care of his, so that will probably be our responsibility some day. I don't mind. I love his folks, even though lately they have a tendency to be smothering and nosy.

    BTW, you said your mom's new place was close to the Asian market. Is your mother Asian?

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