Dear Abby

by ocsrf 2 Replies latest jw friends

  • ocsrf

    Found this question from reader in Dear Abby.

    "This is difficult, but I have no one here I can confide in. I'm ashamed, confused and unsure. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as I am finding it more difficult every Sunday. Without going into specific beliefs and asking questions that can only be answered by faith. I will simplify: Is it better to go to church for the wrong resasons than not to go at all? I don't think I am fooling "Him" - and I know I'm not fooling myself. The others, including my wife, are, if not wise to me, suspicious. I don't like my hypocrisy, but I'm afraid of the reactions - and repercussions - should I "out" myself and stay home. I'm uncomfortable masquerading every Sunday, being the loyal husband and worshipper while being untrue to myself. Help (Or am I beyond it?)Signed: - Beyond a Rock and a closet

    Abby's answer:

    Dear Between: I have always believed that husbands and wives are members of the same "team" and should be able to level with each other, so I'm having trouble understanding why you are maquerading and hiding the way you feel. I also believe that people can communicate with God in their own way, wherever they are, because God is everywhere - not just confined to church property.

    Because you are left feeling empty and unfulfilled by the Sunday sermons, you may need to look elsewhere for spititual fulfillment. However, until you find the courage to express you feelings and stand by them, you will remain forever between a rock and a closet.

    I find this an interesting question that most of us probably have been faced with and for some have found the answer. Sounds like this guy could be a witness or perhaps a member of some other high control group.

    What you say?

    If any would like to tell Dear Abby about how this situation has affected you, you can write her at: Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or you can go online at

    Sometimes she will devote an entire day to those subjects that get alot of mail.


  • rocketman

    It could well be that this guy is a jw or, as you mentioned, from a similar high-control group. I agree generally with the Dear One's answer, but she probably doesn't fully comprehend what it's like to be in such a situation with a jw spouse. Many jw spouses become highly adverserial when a spouse does not participate in jw activities or wnats to lessen that participation.

    We certainly can't blame Abby for not fully grasping that, since it's usually only people like us, who have been throuh similar situations and who have dealt with this religion from the inside-out who really can comprehend what the guy may be going through.

  • greendawn

    He does seem to be in a high control group since he is really very sensitive (ashamed and confused) about his wife realising that he doesn't like going to church services. It could well be in the JW religion.

    In a serious religion members don't have such dilemmas no one cares whether they go to church or not.

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