Sunday Novermber 13, 2005
Dear Diary,
Do you think that scripture that says God won't give us more than we can bear is true? At what point does that come into effect?? ANd what about someone who commits suicide? Obviously he was someone that had to be in an unbearable situation. So many questions with no one to ansewr them right? I resent God right now. I don't exactly know why. Is it he I hate or is it the religion that has poisoned me for the past 22 years?
I'm at another meeting. I am sitting here during the WT study wondering why all the qoutes from different magazine articles on the 'dangers' of higher educaton all have that DOT DOT DOT effect. Its like every couple sentences from these quotes are DOT DOT DOT Weird.
Higher education leads to immortality. Higher education will take away the time for spiritual things. Higher education...dare I say ?! May actually leave you a desire to use your brain!! So I have a question. If sending your kids to to college is a personal decision why am I listening to a 2 hour discusion on all the cons and not a single pro?
I wanna leave early. I can't stand to be here! (Plus, I'm really craving some chicken from Popeye's) Besides I've been working hard all weeked. I decided to finally redecorate my room. I need to keep my mind off things. I got a computer desk which I spent all night assembling myself. Michael was like "are you insane?" He knows I am going through things but he can never really comprehend it all. But he did think it was very sexy that I know how to use a hammer.
I had to go out in service yesterday. (I go just enough times so that I don't need to hear the elders calling for a judicial meeting) And lo and behold I am assigned work with Bro."M" He of course is so interested in what school I go to, what are my spiritual goals (I nearly choked as I tried to utter the words: "I want to be a fulltime pioneer by the beggining of next year ) But I think I have really fine-tuned the art of lying and was able to keep a straight face the whole time, cluthing my field service bag thinking "damn I need a drink."He acted so nice, wanted to know if I was ok b/c I am always so quiet. Insisted the elders would be there to help me any way they could.
"Do me a favor, Bro M. Spare me your drivel and take this next door." Ok I did not say that but wouldn't it of been cool if I did?
Then we're in the car and my God! I swear get a bunch of JW'S togethor and its like you're watching an episode of the O.C. They were gossiping like high schoolers. "Sis. Miles son got D'F." I heard he...; Bro Wilkes has never served? Hmm, that's a shame. Wonder why."; "Did you hear about Sis Tiles? She isn't a pioneer anymore but I heard she got promoted at her job."
I wanted to open the door and jump out feet first hoping I would make it without breaking more than a few ribs.
My online family has been great though. I don't know what I would've done without their adivce. Its like "ok these people have been where I am and there still here" so I know I can do this.
And Michael is coming to see me next week! The whole weekend we'll be togethor except Sunday (damn 1 day assembly!) How am I gonna be able to sit there for those 8 hours?? Its gonna be hell! But knowing I get to see him is the only thing on my mind right now. I can't wait! That boy is amazing. And he's a freakin genius which is always good when I've got those damn take home quizzes from algebra. Well, lemme get out of here. I am definetly leaving early today. Everytime I walk into the KH I feel like someone is squeezing my neck till I can't take it no more. Plus, yeah I am craving some Popeyes.