I have seen ( in various threads) many conflicting views about disfellowshipped people and thier families who are still witnesses. Does the society dissaprove of witness family members continuing to associate with disfellowshipped ones, or do they leave it up to each ones conscience? I have been disfellowshipped for 13 years and my mom is still a witness. We have a loving relationship, and she doesn't seem to get any trouble from the elders. Does anyone know of any direct orders from the society?
What's the deal
by searching4? 5 Replies latest jw friends
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AlmostAtheist
My DF'd sister-in-law asked her JW mom for a hug when she came by to let mom-in-law visit the grandkids. Her mom refused because she's DF'd.
I called Brooklyn and asked if that's official policy or was this JW taking it too far. The guy I spoke to said that if Mom had hugged DF'd Daughter it "probably wouldn't have resulted in any judicial action against" the mother.
If a hug moves you into "probably safe" territory, it seems clear that talking is out. Officially, DF'd relatives should be shunned. The actual practice among dubs is not necessarily in line with that. (Hat's off to all those thinking for themselves in this regard!!!)
Dave
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littlerockguy
It probably depends on the place and time. I had a great aunt who years ago was DF'd back in the 40s and 50s because she allowed her DF'd grown son move in with her and she never went back since she didn't think she ever did anything wrong. Today elders can allow their grown DF'd children still live with them without any reprisals from the congregation or the WTS; at least they could in the 90s back when I was active because that happened in a congregation I went to.
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Ingenuous
http://www.jw-media.org/beliefs/beliefsfaq.htm
Do you shun former members?
Those who become inactive in the congregation, perhaps even drifting away from association with fellow believers, are not shunned. In fact, special effort is made to reach out to them and rekindle their spiritual interest. If, however, someone unrepentantly practices serious sins, such as drunkenness, stealing or adultery, he will be disfellowshipped and such an individual is avoided by former fellow-worshipers. Every effort is made to help wrongdoers. But if they are unrepentant, the congregation needs to be protected from their influence. The Bible clearly states: 'Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.' (1 Corinthians 5:13) Those who formally say they do not want to be part of the organization any more are also avoided. What of a man who is disfellowshipped but whose wife and children are still Jehovah's Witnesses? The spiritual ties he had with his family change, but blood ties remain. The marriage relationship and normal family affections and dealings can continue. As for disfellowshipped relatives not living in the same household, Jehovah's Witnesses apply the Bible's counsel: "Quit mixing with them." (1 Corinthians 5:11)....The article referenced in the FAQ says, in part:
... God certainly realizes that carrying out his righteous laws about cutting off wrongdoers often involves and affects relatives. As mentioned above, when an Israelite wrongdoer was executed, no more family association was possible. In fact, if a son was a drunkard and a glutton, his parents were to bring him before the judges, and if he was unrepentant, the parents were to share in the just executing of him, 'to clear away what is bad from the midst of Israel.' ( Deuteronomy 21:18-21 ) You can appreciate that this would not have been easy for them. Imagine, too, how the wrongdoer's brothers, sisters, or grandparents felt. Yet, their putting loyalty to their righteous God before family affection could be lifesaving for them....
Cutting off from the Christian congregation does not involve immediate death, so family ties continue. Thus, a man who is disfellowshipped or who disassociates himself may still live at home with his Christian wife and faithful children. Respect for God's judgments and the congregation's action will move the wife and children to recognize that by his course, he altered the spiritual bond that existed between them. Yet, since his being disfellowshipped does not end their blood ties or marriage relationship, normal family affections and dealings can continue....
The situation is different if the disfellowshipped or disassociated one is a relative living outside the immediate family circle and home. It might be possible to have almost no contact at all with the relative. Even if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum, in line with the divine principle: "Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person [or guilty of another gross sin], . . . not even eating with such a man."...
— 1 Corinthians 5:11 . -
banished1
I posted on another thread that while I was still attending the hall I saw one family lose 5 of its members to disfellowshipping over the course of years. Never did the family shun their wayward member. In the presence of the congregation they acted formal, but away from the hall in their own homes it was family as usual. Mind you these were all grown adults living in their various homes. Contact and support was maintained with adult siblings and their children. The result was that ALL RETURNED TO THE RELIGION AND WERE REINSTATED!
I was amazed. Even a couple who both divorced and married others and who had children with the new spouses got back together again! This family, who I used to view as weak, I now view as strong in family values!
None were elders, nor pioneers, nor ministerial servants, so none had privileges to lose by speaking and encouraging each other.
Different people have widely different experiences, dont they? -
jgnat
It all depends on how fanatically the individual members follow the WT dictates. It doesn't help that the organization keeps loosening and tightening the reigns. Most wrenching is stories of adult children who lose contact overnight when their parents read an article or attend a meeting that encourages a "stronger stand".
I heard a presentation from an Elder I know at the last convention where he shared his dilemma about allowing a grown (DF'd) son to return home. After weighing the matter carefully, he chose not to risk his standing in the congregation. After all, the son's request was not life-or-death.
That man's decision still gives me chills. He lost his chance to strengthen bonds with his own son in order to maintain his standing in the organization. Life or death? Who cares? Where's the love?