I had hoped that I could influence my wife in a subtle way perhaps sparing us both the pain of finding out our life as JW's have been a sham. This unfortunately didn't happen. She came home monday and I told her she should get involved in volunteer work at the humane society. She became suspicious as she has been getting lately. She asked me what my motive was for saying this after shooting her down months before because we felt guilty doing any charity work other than field service. I couldn't give her an answer. She asked, "are you trying to get rid of me? who is she!? I knew that I couldn't hide it any longer from her. She suspected that I was cheating on her because I had been so distant from her for a few months now.
I told her it was nothing like that. I simply said that I no longer believe that the GB had our best interests at heart and that I now knew that Evolution is a fact of life. I also told her that my therapist confirmed my suspicians that JW's display many patterns associated universily with cults. Her only words were, "Oh God! NO! not you!" She then rushed into the bathroom and threw up. After this she was completely hysterical and hopelessly lost. I became hysterical and we both cried together. I've never experienced such a painful emotional night with her. She made me promise that I wouldn't keep her from her studies and on the contrary I told her to study more than ever with an open mind. Unfortunately I don't have the where with all to prove things to her in a systematic way even though I know for certain myself. To be honest the doctrine and bible study never was my strong suit. I lost faith because of proving to myself that Evolution is a fact and really that negates most of the bible as fairy tale in the first place.
I guess my only option with her is to prove the many times that WT has cried wolf to the complete ruin of many JW's who believed it. Also the compelling evidence that CT russel was quite spiritistic and used the Egyptian pyramids to come up with his chronology which to me amounts to plain ol divination. WT put so much importance on pagan origin of holiday's and of the cross. The hypocrisy is astounding when you learn the occult origins of JW doctrine. Jehovah would have nothing to do with pagan symbols such as is on the cover of "the finished mystery" or divining prophesy from the pagan egyption pyramids. I asked my wife if she was aware of this and she said she wasn't and this is no accident I think.
This all begs the question. Why would Jehovah God the God who requires pure worship without difilement use a man that uses pagan divination as his mouth piece? If you just think about this one thing aside from all the technical arguments about historical dates this should clue any layman on to the true nature of this cult.
Back to my wife. Today she is much calmer. She keeps saying she loves me very much and warmly hugs me often. I also reassure her of my love as well. The fact that she still loves me after knowing I have so called, "Apostate thinking" says a lot I think. I guess she has compartmentalised it for future processing or something I'm just not real sure. I can only hope she will start to question herself and use her very sharp critcal thinking skills to investigate the truth about the "Truth".
So I have started the journey and I'm searching for my next step. I hope that I can keep it together and get a hold of my emotions because I can't research or prove anything in the state of mind I've been in.