Question for Elders

by curiousconfused 64 Replies latest members private

BluesBrother

I was an elder for over 20 years in various congregations. At the time I woke up I was serving in several capacities in the congo. I have family that are still committed dubs. Like others, I felt that I had to plan a slow fade rather than stopping all at once.
First at home, then with the P/Overseer, I let it be known that I was "down", spiritually sick, depressed etc etc..I just said that it did not seem to gel anymore.
Finally, with a Circuit visit due I handed in a letter of resignation. They did not want accept it, but after a chat with the C/O, they recommended my deletion.
After that I just tailed off ..The Congo hardly showed any interest after I came off..
00DAD
Well, I'm not an elder currently, in fact I was disfellowshipped a couple of years ago. But I can certainly address your question.
I served as an elder for about 20 years. About nine years ago, after about 14 years serving as a "good company man" I starting having doubts and questions. They soon turned into nagging doubts and serious questions. After a little research they became clear understanding that certain WT Teachings were wrong, unscriptural and that many WT actions were hypocritical.
Some of these were concerning:
- The Society's flip-flopping on issues:
  Generation - what does it mean?
  Higher Education: remember how I felt during the elder's meeting where it was stated that any one pursuing such could not have privileges, only months after I completed my degree!!!
  Oral Sex - (not even scriptural in the 1st place)
- The Society's Hypocrisy
  As an NGO of the UN
  Failure to admit mistakes re chronology
  1914 and the "imminent end"
  AWAKE! of May 22, 1969: "If you are a young person. you also need to face the fact that you will never grow old in this system of things. Why not? Because all the evidence in fulfillment of bible prophecy indicates that this corrupt system is due to end in a few years ."
  Later on I learned that CT Russell said 1914 was to be the End, not the Beginning of the End.
  (Pedophiles can be elders - this I only found out later)
- Things that just didn't make sense:
  The increasing number of anointed in the annual report
  compare to published expectations and later published statistics:
  "Over the years the number of those who are truly anointed has been getting smaller." - w2000 1/15, p. 12
  Memorial partakers
  2005: 8,524 - Historical low
  2006: 8,758
  2007: 9,105
  This was a 3.8% increase in partakers which is greater than the 3.1% increase in JW overall!
  2008: 9,986
  2009: 10,857 (obviously these last two statistics are from after I left)
  2010: 11,202?
  The Faithful and Discreet Slave:
  Who exactly are they?
  What role, if any, do they have in doing what we are told they supposedly do?
  No beards
  Academic sloppiness and/or dishonesty
  Scriptural "proof" texts that don't relate to the actual point of discussion
  Failure to cite "experts" quoted
  Appointments by "Holy Spirit" ….
As these thoughts grew and created more and more tension with in me I became very conflicted, because--as you observed in your original post--it's not like you can just up and leave the organization with out SERIOUS consequences. The cognitive dissonance is overwhelming.
The repressive ecclesiastical domination is clearly Pharisaical, not Christ-like. They demand obedience to WTBTS ahead of obedience to Christ & God. Other factors that were chronically wearing:
- The stress of nothing ever being good enough: Guilt
  This robs one of joy of being a Christian
- Pressure to/from:
  Engage in the Field Ministry
  Prepare Meeting Parts
  Sometimes I would hurriedly underline my WT just to make it look like I studied!
  Conform
  Being constantly reminded that a failure to conform would result in my devotion to God and my faith being questioned, as if the two were somehow related
  Reporting: Turns a personal act of worship into a tedious routine performed to "please men" rather than God
  Pretend to be a happy Witness
  Be concerned about everyone else, when no one was concerned about me!
  The unending emphasis on visible acts of supposed Christian living rather than on developing real Christian qualities, "Take a visible lead in the Field Ministry brothers."
  How can a persons spirituality be measured by a Field Service yardstick
  What of christian qualities and immeasurable acts of faith and love?
  How does a Field Service Report reflect the kind of person an individual is, or is trying to be?
  Why should a bunch of delusional old men that have never had a real job make a bunch of rules for others to follow.
  Moses performed miracles through God's power to prove his divine backing
  Jesus performed miracles through God's power to prove his divine backing
  The GB perform … nothing! Their collective "predictions" and "prophecies" are 100% failures. Not even one of them has come true!
I became increasingly unhappy and unsatisfied spiritually, emotionally and intellectually Over time my nagging doubts became greater and greater, precipitating a crisis of conscience that caused me great inner conflict and intense emotional turmoil due to contemplating the obvious implications: to stay or leave were both choices with terrible consequences! To stay is to be trapped, to leave is to be shunned by my own children!
In the end, I realized that I had lost myself. For years I pretended to be someone I was not.
Sadly, the things which I believed originally gave me more freedom, hope for the future and a means for spiritual growth, later became a restriction against all those things. In effect, it was just a bigger box. So big, that I didn't see it at first. Invisible bars are stronger than steel.
I realized that I had allowed my conscience to be damaged by my compromise, to "act the part" of the good witness, pretending to believe what one does not. I was hiding in plain sight.
One of the profound ironies of the situation is the fact that, when I pretended to be something and someone I was not, people "loved" me, or at least they pretended to love me. When I made the necessary changes to be who I really am, then they hated me for it!
So now I'm out, free of the manipulative controlling lies of the WTBTS, trying to figure out what I believe and who or what I can trust. Trying to put together the broken pieces of my life damaged by 25 years of WT lies, hypocrisy and abuse. Personally I'm feeling better and stronger than ever before. But my heart breaks because I miss my two sons that are still "in" and refuse to talk to me because they have been convinced that shunning their own father is somehow "Christian."
I don't give up hope, but every day I don't/can't talk to them is a painful reminder of the criminal legacy of the WTBTS.
00DAD
"If I should not pretend to be something, or someone, that I am not, then how can I
with a good conscience support an organization that pretends to be something that it is not?"
curiousconfused

00Dad - that was a long and thoughtful post, I shall take some time to fully appreciate it....
CC
yknot

CuriousConfused.....
While I lack the physical capacity to be an elder.....
I decided to comment anyways!
Lets be clear CC---- If you could leave without major consequence you would! There is no honorable way to leave the WTS
So with that in mind let us discern that this is 'Mother's' game/snare/pit!
It is a game of wits, nothing more, nothing less.
I like to think us 'born-ins' all have our 'time' and your exit door just ain't been presented yet.
So what to do while awaiting your release/opportunity to escape......
Well since your already an Elder.....
PLAY THE GAME!
(someone in Bethel is smiling while they read this and thanking hank I cannot become an elder, cuz I wouldn't let one single person stay asleep in my territory!-- sigh--- a rare moment of 'elder-envy'.......okay I am imagining all those fill-in documents and insurance requirement on JW.org to squash that envy cuz I hate, hate that sort of paperwork!)
Not like you don't know how to play strategy.....
Lets start off with the unpleasant aspects of Eldership
JCs---- the bane of every conscious class Elder---- play the compassionate want to forgive and encourage elder, play the hardass that sends the person googling, play the paper-pusher saying your real sorry it has come to this but this is just WTS policy cuz things are 'known'.
WT/CBS/School/Service Conducting---- This can actually be quite fun if done properly! Ask thought provoking questions, play up WTS policy or doctrine the WTS would rather downplay but is still official, talk 1914 until your blue in the face, be fanatical, be the most partyline possible!
FS- Fake it man, and fudge your groups numbers too.....just enough but not to far! Flub it by being soft or too culty if you are at the door! Be the fun elder who stops for coffee a lot, talk up letter writing (arrange for the postage and either donate the amount to a charity or save it up and pay some needy JWs utility bill).....then toss all of them in a recycling bin! Arrange for phone witnessing
ELDER/CO BS--- partyline dubbie is your cover but make note of 'important' things and pass it on to JWN directly or through another trusted poster (nothing wrong in creating distance!)
Things that ROCK about being an Conscious Class Elder!
Congrats you are holy spirit appointed and branch approved!!!!!----- use this pass wisely and you can go far and do good things while doing your time!
Get to sublety flirt with sisters!
Counsel young couples thinking about getting married ---thus op to talk out of or encourage oral sex by not bringing it up!
Mentor---just because it is under the auspice of 'theocracy' don't mean you have to limit guidance to just WTS stuff.
Pass along BOEs, PT Outlines, Assembly/DC outlines if you have the privilege.... if you know what the drama is .... all sort of small gestures to blow off steam building up.
Talk to other on the JWN both for support and to help give a balanced view of elders within the structure (ie there are some stinkers but most are good guys just running the hamster wheel too)
Just do your time, be kind, leave it a better congregation if you can and realize it is a cult and you are but one man........
Huggles Brother
00DAD

CC - I hope my comments give you something useful and helpful.
Now matter what you end up doing, once you've gotten to the point you are currently at there is no easy decision to be made. Even when you know what you must do, it is difficult to decide to do it and even more difficult to actually do it.
To my mind it is just further proof of how evil the restrictive teachings and policies of the WTBTS really are that when a person does the right thing it hurts so much because of the damaged relationships and the pain.
00DAD
curiousconfused

Blimey Yknot - there was some lady-fury in that post....... Thanks for your suggestions!! CC
that quiet girl

Hello. Elderelite, you have a PM.
elderelite

you have a response quiet girl
Roberta804

That was great ynot,
I left over 20 years ago and for the past 8 years have been caring for my elderly JW mother. The only visits she gets from the elders or anyone else for that matter is zipo. But once a month the FS elder will call my mother who suffers from dementia, and try to get her to just give him a number, you know, hours, magizines/books placed yada, yada, yada. So one day when she was very confused he happened to call and before handing him the phone I gave her one of those FS slips and played it up to see what he would say/do. She just read off the slip I prepared without any thought......100 hours, 30 Mag, 10 books. He did not say/do a thing. The next month he was harrassing her because she could not remember if she had any hours or not.
Seems to me they are more interested in making a quota and don't mind if it is true or not.
curiousconfused

So many of you seem so rational....... I feel like Im in some kind of cage....... how the hell do I get out of this.... I cant calculate the hurt and distress caused to almost every one I love.... how will my kids understand that the very things Ive spent all their lives telling them are importamt, arent... i feel a complete mess....

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