I Was Spiritually Raped, Molested, and Held Hostage!

by GonzoX 22 Replies latest members adult

• 

  GonzoX

  For the first 40+ years of my life I was repeatedly raped and molested.

  Mostly by the local elders and ministerial servants at the KH. The rapings and molestations would also occur:

  While engaged in the preaching work.

  When we would visit other congregations.

  At Circuit Assemblies.

  At District Assemblies

  At various Bethel facilities.

  And by reading the Watchtower publications.

  They did not sexually molest and/or rape me.

  They mentally molested and raped my mind.

  They lied to me.

  Held me as a prisoner and a hostage, telling me, "If I leave, Jehovah will kill me."

  They would destroy my family.

  At the age of 27, I was DF. Yes, my captors did give me a physical release. However the mental rapings would continue. As I:

  Did not want to die at armageddon.

  Did not want my parents to die without being able to talk to them.

  Eventually, my rapists would allow grant me reentry and re-instate me.

  A little over a year would pass and I would be disfellowshipped again. However this time a close friend was there to come to my aid. He helped me get over many of the mental wounds caused by this evil organization. However many of these scares caused by my captors will never go away, they will haunt me the rest of my life.

  Yes! I am mentally diseased. However, my mental disease was caused by the mental rapists I grew up with.
• 

  zeb

  One hell of a headline and one hell of an experience.

  Please go with your friend to your doctor and there to a Psychiatrist. If you are recommended medication take it. If you had a burn or broken arm you would seek help so with this as well.

  • Day to day practice doing random acts of kindness to others.
  • If you see a mum trying to get her kids and shopping into her car offer to hold the car door for them and speak praisingly to the kids. This will distract them and give mum a break to stow her shopping.

  • Have a fav coffee shop? take them some flowers with a card saying your appreciation.

  • Wave to little ones in their prams or strollers. smile at the parent! Especially so if they are a different race than you.
  • Take up a positive creative hobby as you never had time to before.

  • Dont watch crap on TV listen to good music instead.
  • avoid negative people like the plague they will throw anchor ropes over you.

  I too have mental an emotional scars and am a victim of the 'black-dog' of bi-polar depression. If you re prescribed a medication then take it. and know this that you are among friends here that hold out love and kind thoughts to you from where ever we are in this world.
• 

  Xanthippe

  Sorry you have had such a terrible time GonzoX. As Zeb suggests medication can be helpful short-term (unless you are bi-polar like Zeb and you may need to continue taking it). I found antidepressants for a few months very helpful and I did come off them quite easily. I just found it difficult to drop off to sleep without them but that only lasted for about a week.

  I also had counselling which was very helpful. I had to try several counsellors before I found the right one. Sending love to you and keep talking about how you feel because it works.
• 

  Fernando

  GonzoX, I've come to view my experience in a similar light.

  It would be quite satisfying to see spiritual abduction, captivity, starvation, rape, torture and murder criminalised.

  Personally I favour a good Psychologist and talking medicine, over a legacy Psychiatrist and their addictive mind-numbing legacy meds, if at all possible.

  Greetings

  Fernando

  ---

  http://www.amazon.com/Peaking-Out-Broke-Delusions-Psychiatry/dp/0944227104

  "It is possible to undergo a profound crisis involving non-ordinary experiences and to perceive it as pathological or psychiatric when in fact it may be more accurately and beneficially defined as a spiritual emergency." (Stanislav Grof)
• 

  gorgia2

  As zeb said, you are among friends here.

  gorgia
• 

  adamah

  Gonzo said-

  Yes! I am mentally diseased. However, my mental disease was caused by the mental rapists I grew up with.

  I hear your anger and pain, and it's deserved since you've real experienced harm and loss.

  I'm reminded of the story of the two Buddhist monks:

  http://users.skynet.be/lotus/story/story-en.htm

  Two monks, going to a neighbouring monastery, walked side by side in silence. They arrived at a river they had to cross. That season, waters were higher than usual. On the bank, a young woman was hesitating and asked the younger of the two monks for help. He exclaimed, 'Don't you see that I am a monk, that I took a vow of chastity?'

  'I require nothing from you that could impede your vow, but simply to help me to cross the river,' replied the young woman with a little smile.

  'I...not...I can...do nothing for you,' said the embarrassed young monk.

  'It doesn't matter,' said the elderly monk. 'Climb on my back and we will cross together.'

  Having reached the other bank, the old monk put down the young woman who, in return, thanked him with a broad smile. She left her side and both monks continued their route in silence.

  Close to the monastery, the young monk could not stand it anymore and said, 'You shouldn't have carried that person on your back. It's against our rules.'

  'This young woman needed help and I put her down on the other bank. You didn't carry her at all, but she is still on your back,' replied the older monk.

  It's a beautiful story which suggests that we all have to decide when the burden of carrying past injuries and harm is only impeding us from accomplishing our goals, and is actually preventing us from moving forward, NOT by forgetting about it, but simply by setting it down.

  Adam
• 

  Nathan Natas

  One criticism of your metaphoical use of "rape, molestation and (being) held hostage" is that it tends to dilute the significance of REAL rape, REAL molestation and REAL hostage-taking.
• 

  ablebodiedman

  They mentally molested and raped my mind.

  They lied to me.

  Held me as a prisoner and a hostage, telling me, "If I leave, Jehovah will kill me."

  Isaiah 61:1-3

  61 The spirit of the Sovereign Lord Jehovah is upon me, for the reason that Jehovah has anointed me to tell good news to the meek ones. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to those taken captive and the wide opening [of the eyes] even to the prisoners; 2 to proclaim the year of goodwill on the part of Jehovah and the day of vengeance on the part of our God; to comfort all the mourning ones; 3 to assign to those mourning over Zion, to give them a headdress instead of ashes, the oil of exultation instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of the downhearted spirit; and they must be called big trees of righteousness, the planting of Jehovah, for [him] to be beautified.

  Sounds like you have been partially emancipated.

  You need to understand exactly what you were being held captive by.

  Watch this video to properly understand what you were a prisoner of:

  It should complete your emancipation!

  Food at the proper time?

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWpswSs_an4
• 

  Watchtower-Free

  Mental is just as REAL as physical .

  You might have PTSD or C-PTSD
• 

  LostGeneration

  Mixed feelings on the use of the word RAPE here as well.

  I feel I was abused mentally by this cult, I doubt my feelings are no where NEAR that of a woman who has been physically raped.

  My hope today is that those stuck in the WT find a way out. Thread titles like this do nothing to help the cause of an active JW wandering on to this forum.