by Quillsky 9 Replies latest jw friends
I get a sense, especially from "sob story" threads, that some people would cry about their situations, whatever they were. Wherever in the world. However intolerable (or not) the situation.
Could this be true, or am I being unfair?
Could you be a crybaby? Or do you know crybabies? Or are there crybabies here?
Is it wrong for people to cry over bad situations?
Hi Quilsky, prob a little bit unfair... I think we are all cynical enough to see through sob stories that are not genuine. though, particuarly on this board, for someone to open up and reveal all it takes guts. I know that despite being on this board for well over a year, I have not really opened up and told my whole sob story! Yet when I do, I hope that those reading wil not think I am an attention seeker and faking it but rather have reached a stage where I am comfortable in sharing with my "cyber friends" something in the past which affected me....
Having said that, when I was a lurker and read all the old posts to catch up on 6 years of not knowing JWD existed, I did recognise a few posts of heart wrenching stories that just did not add up. I think all those years of being indoctrinated with made up experiences in wt magazines and public talks made for that cynicism.
At the end of the day, if you have a situation worth crying about, then cry if it helps you deal with it and move on. And yes Im a crybaby only because im a softie!
Cheers, Mattieu
Try calling, 1-800-cry-baby and see if that helps.
Seriously, having the unfortunate luck of being a JW does open a person up to more misery than you would otherwise have to suffer through. Misery loves company and that is why we have each other. I have seen many good suggestions come forth from JWN members and for that reason alone, there is no reason why a person shouldn't vent his problems here, if they feel like it. Unfortunately, the good advice often goes unheeded, especially when we tell someone to avoid getting romantically involved with a JW or someone who has a big JW extended family and then a few years later after they get married the JW sh#t hits the fan and they come crying back here asking for advice.
If we are to be healthy we must pass the healing curve at some point. Everyone is different so it may take some longer to heal. But, when someone is kvetching to the point of then it gets wearisome. I don't want to waste all of my energy on negativity of any sort. Traumatic experiences have a lasting effect. But if after a reasonable amount of time, you haven't moved forward, it's time to get into some sort of therapy.
No doubt about it some people like to feel sorry for themselves. The attention can become addictive.
edited to answer your questions:
I'm not a crybaby. I know a few crybabies. And yes some would feel sorry for themselves no matter what.
When I first started posting here, I was feeling very low and helpless. I couldn't share those feelings with anyone in my "real" life. I'm sure it may have sounded like a poor me, sob story. It was just how I felt at the time.
And sometimes, when I'm feeling discouraged about my fade, it helps to post it here. It's helps to be heard by those who went through or going through the same things. It doesn't mean I'm miserable and unhappy most of the time or going around feeling sorry for myself.
But, I thought that was one of the purposes of this forum, to listen and offer support to those that have left or leaving the religion.
To clarify, by "crybaby" I don't mean literally crying, or feeling emotions, or expressing feelings, or sharing stories. These things are healthy and natural.
When I say "crybaby" I mean, as my topic title says, "POOR ME".
This includes attitudes of, in my opinion, "Oh woe is me", "The whole world is against me", "I'm gonna eat some worms", all that kind of stuff. When I see that kind of emotion --- it almost discounts the story, however valid and sad, that gives rise to "poor me". That's just me though, one listener, one reader.
(Does the word "crybaby" mean different things in different cultures possibly?)
I totally know what you mean Quillsky. A crybaby is someone who uses their plight as a tool or weapon to gain sympathy points, garner attention or pounce on others. Kind of like "Oh you don't know what I went through. I suffered so much. Look at what I had to endure..." blah blah blah
The woe is me type likes to guilt others into submission so they can be controlled.
Personally I feel the term "crybaby" is relevant to a few people on this board.
That completely aside, I know a woman, for example, not related to Witnesses in any way, who has one of the most desirable lives I can imagine. Wealthy beyond belief, with a devoted retired active husband, an astonishingly beautiful house, more leisure time than she knows what to do with, who is the biggest bore I have ever met. All she can do is complain about the miniscules of her household and her health. What a crybaby.
I definitely feel there is personality "type" that looks for whatever is "wrong" and complains about it. I actually don't believe that ex-JW's have any more misery than anyone else.
I was just reading about a buddhist nun who eavesdropped on other people's cell phone calls and made a note of what the conversations were about. She said a full 84% of the conversations were just whining and complaining. 10% was mushy, "I love you", stuff. 6% was actually planning, checking in with family, etc.
