(she is just a person that is no longer troubled)
Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
My husband and I have been married for 34 yrs.,and have three sons . We live in a small town in the midwest of the USA . I work several part time jobs ,do photography as a hobby ,and love collecting fossils ,rocks,and minerals . My husband is a mechanical/electrical maintainence tech ,he also is a referee for IHSA (Illinois High School Association).
Were you a born in or a convert?
I was born into the religion. My husband was converted by his Mother when he was 13.
Are your parents / family JWs?
My Mother , her sister ,and Brother in law all became Witnesses at the same time in the 1950's. My maternal Grandfather was a Witness in the 1930's ,but faded after a few yrs . One of my brothers, and my sister remain Witnesses . My Father never was a Witness . Growing up he was in the Marine Corp for 20 yrs ,which caused a great deal of conflict with in our family .I remember living on base and driving over 30 miles to a Kingdom Hall for meetings .
My husband's Mother beccame a Witness when he was 13 .When he was 16 she married a bible study that then became a Witness too . His parents remain Witnesses along with his step brother's whole family .
How many generations have been JWs?
3
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
I did not have the proper anatomy to hold a position ,LOL. I was a regular publisher never reached out to pioneer.
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
Oh heck yes ! Was raised to believe all the demon stories were real ! My Mom was horrified the day I picked up a 'Magic 8 ball ' in the toy aisle ,you know ask a question and it shows in a little window yes or no as the answer . She believed because it had magic in the name it was BAD,even as a kid I thought that was crazy ,but I learned well never to listen to my own reasoning ...the heart is treacherous ! So never ever trust your own instinct .
Did you get baptised? When and why?
I waited until I was 17 to become baptised . My oldest brother was baptised at 16 ,and then DA'd himself by joining the Marines at 18 yrs old . I loved my brother ,and was very confused by the doctrine that I was suppose to limit my association with him . At 15 I had been at a crossroad as to whether I even wanted to be a JW . I had been in some unapproved behavior as a publisher ,and was called before a JC hearing ...it was traumatic to say the least ....after a few months of feeling truly beaten down emotionaly ,I just gave up .....After that I just did what everyone told me to do ,and did what was expected . I met my husband when I was 16 ,and in order for us to court I had to be baptised ....so I did. At that time I did believe it all ,or at least I did a good job of trying to convince myself that i did .
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
Oh my goodness this is quite a complicated question to answer in a few simple sentences . Mainly I began to ask myself why I was always so fearful ,anxious ,depressed ,and did not feel good enough ....The answers kept coming back to the religious beliefs I had been taught . I think I have had doubts all my life ,but learned to stuff the questions down.By the time I was forty I was realizing I did not really know what my personal beliefs on anything were ....I only knew what I was told those beliefs should be .....I had been a good follower for too many years . I guess by the time my kids were teens I started to allow myself to think independent thoughts .Especially after seeing how the Elders were treating certain matters in the hall ,and I realized these were uneducated,untrained men forcing their own opinions on us and we were just suppose to shut up and take it ....Well I guess I had ,had enough of that . Then my MOM got very sick and I had to spend months going over medical issues with her .This caused me to review the Blood issue ,and what I found began to truly disturb me .She was elderly and confused at this point ,and she held to the old teachings of absolutely NO blood ,not even fractions . It became clear to me we had been conditioned to follow mens opinion not real Bible evidence . That was probably the trigger that allowed me the freedom to search for answers to my doubts .
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
About this time when I was questioning the stand we believed about blood I happened to see a Dr Phil show about some girls named FAwn that had escaped a religious Cult out west . When I listened to their story I began to sob . I felt so much like them . They were terridfied to leave the religion because of their fear of Armageddon and the loss of family contact . They only wanted to make their own choices and live their own lives . This is how I felt too ! I didn't want to do anything BAD , I just wanted to live my own life . At the end of that show there was a link to Steve Hasson , from there I found a link to freeminds and then here . Something Dr Phil said on the show just gave me the power to make those choices ,and not be afraid .
After I found this site I was just overwhelmed to find out there were actually other people going through the exact same doubts that i was having !!! Truly I was shocked ....I thought at first it was just me or that I was just spiritually weak .
I felt guilty and afriad for sometime . I would hide my computer time on here from the rest of my family . I ordered Crisis of Conscience and can remember being terrified my husband would see it in the mail first ....I put a different cover on it when I read it in the evening so no one would know . After I read both of Rays books I was OVER the hiding and the guilt .
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
It was a difficult decision to actually leave . At the time my sons were all still baptised active JWs ....I was in fear of them shunning me . One day i came to the conclusion I was sinking into depression ,because of how unhappy I was in this religion .I just couldn't live that way anymore . I decided to just take the leap ......and let things happen as they may . So at a Sunday meeting I turned to my husband and said, 'I want to go home ' . Once we were at home I told him how unhappy i was ,and that I would not be going back to the hall again ,ever . This was a bomb shell for him ,and looking back I would have definitely done this differently for his sake . He didn't talk to me for several days when he did he had assumed we were ending our marriage . I assured him this was not the case ,and explained everything more clearly that my doubts were just with the religion . He stopped attending the meetings at the same time as me ,but only because he did not want to continue on by himself . It took us a good year or two to really both get on the same track as far as the belief that this religion is not 'the truth '.
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
As I stated above for my husband the exit was dramatic .....As for the congregation we had attended for 32 yrs in this same hall no one seemed to really care one way or the other . After three years I began decorating our porch with some lights at Christmas time . This brought the Elders to our door fiening interest in our absence at the hall . I told them REALLY ? After three yrs . I allowed them to return for a sheparding call (first mistake ! Never ,ever allow them back in your life once you have faded more than a year ...it is a trick )
When they came to our house it was all doom ,and gloom ,and how we need to get back to the hall . When I mentioned how happy I was now,and how i questioned some of the Witness practices they became uneasy . After talking for a while knowing he wasn't getting any where the Elder said " well the REAL reason we wanted to see you was because we noticed the Christmas lights on your porch ", " Are you celebrating Now ?". At this point I told him my personal life was none of his business period . He told me if I no longer wanted to be a JW all I had to do was write a letter .... I told him No I don't HAVE to do anything . I reminded him when was I baptised back in the 70's it was a dedication to God not an organization .
After their visit I was bombarded with uninvited stop bys ...which we did not answer the door .Multitude of phone calls mentioning it was important that I call them back . I recieved messages that a matter had been brought to the Elders attention ,(That I had viewed apostate videos on my youtube account ) WTF . The next phone call I received from an Elder I answered, and told him to never contact me again ,and to pass this on to the rest of the body of Elders . Then I went to my local Police station, and explained the harrassment I was receiving. The Officer suggested sending the Elders a cease, and desist letter ,and file a copy with the station . The same day that I sent the letter ,I received an invitation to a JC from the Elders . I took this letter to the Police ,and the Officer said he would personally go to the Elders home, and explain cease ,and desist to him . Since then I have never been troubled by them again . Of course now I am shunned publically ,but I have no idea if there was a public announcement or not .
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
Well my husband and all my children eventually left too . This was their own decisions though . I have never shared my feeling unless asked ,and I feel no one will leave the religion unless they personally have reason to do so . I don't feel i could convince anyone nor do I want to . However if someone wants to leave I would do anything in my power to help them !
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
My in laws now have very limited contact with us ,and it is not the same relationship we once enjoyed . I have not spoken to my second oldest brother in over four years along with his wife ,and daughter . My husbands step brother , his wife and children no longer speak to us . We live in the same town as them and when we pass them in the local shops they look through us as if we are invisible .
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
Yes nearly every day I see some former friend that now shuns me . It is a weird feeling to be apparently invisible !
How long have you now been out?
7yrs
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
Yes, Having a real relationship with my oldest brother ! Celebrating life by observing birthdays of those I love and having great family time during holiday celebrations . Being normal and fitting into society instead of looking in from the outside .
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
Mending my relationship with my oldest brother ,asking ,and receiving his forgiveness for the lost yrs of shunning . I am proud of growing into my own person .
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
I do miss some of the good people we once knew . At first it was hard to lose the sense of community we had automatically felt being in a congregation ,but I also remember how empty that feeling was too when we really didn't feel we fit in with them either .
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
I do NOT regret waking up to reality ,it has been the best experience of my life so far .
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
I tried another Christian religion for a while mainly for the sense of belonging . However, I just don't feel that need anymore . I like the idea of a God ,but I seriously have my doubts one exists outside of the minds of believers . I don't have a need to worship something unknown .
How do you now feel about religion in general?
I think religion is something man created to help them deal with death.
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
Not one bit . I love it all now .
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
I have met a few people face to face ,and it was great . If you are newly out it can be very helpful to have a real person to talk to that knows exactly what you are dealing with .
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
I had no one when I first left ,and I was very lonely because I am a people person . One of my co-workers, and I became close ,and I confided in her about my leaving the religion . She introduced me to her group of friends ,and we were easily accepted . Then a local Witness I have know for years contacted me ,she was beginning her own fade. Her husband had never been a Witness so she had a whole group of non witness friends already ,and she kindly introduced us to that group. Today those people have become our very close friends . My husband has become more involved with his hobbies and has friends through those activities . We also have recently contacted several ex-jws in our area we had known yrs ago ,and that has been a lot of fun getting to know them all over again .
Over the last year I have become very close friends with another poster from this forum . I feel like her long lost sister and am so grateful for her friendship.
Do you tell people about your JW past?
Yes ,sometimes if the oppurtunity presents itself . It has started some very interesting conversations .
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
I have animosity toward the Organization . I try to be understanding towards current Jws ....I was once in their same position . It is hard at times to have compassion for people that stick their noses in the air when you smile at them .
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
I have been pleasant . They usually do not call at our door anymore .
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
Youtube videos are a good avenue I think ,because you know anyone having a doubt has probably viewed a few.
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
I was a witness for over forty years ,my whole being was formed around this religion . You don't just get over it . You do recognize it for what it is and try to change what you can ,accept yourself ,and continue to move forward .
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
Yes ....a waste of my youth and childhood fixated on thinking about THE END . My life was formed around stupid religious beliefs that caused me depression ,un- neccessary feelings of guilt ,and self hatered for not measuring up to an impossible ideal . I was taught not to trust my Father or Grandparents because they were not JWs. I was lead to believe I did not need to get a college education because that would be a waste of time since the END was so near .
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
I am glad my children do not blame me for raising them in this religion ,they feel it was a protection . I do not view it that way I view it as a curse .
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
Lots of time to myself ! We spend more time and money on traveling ,and visiting our kids . We spend time with our friends every week . Sunday morning we go out for breakfast . Saturday morning we do what most normal people do (and what I always wanted to do for years ) get yardwork done ,go shopping ,mow the grass wash the car ......anything other than wasting 3 hrs driving in rural areas finding no one at home .
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
NONE
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
I still like to view the posts on the forum ,but i am interested in people stories, nothing to do with doctrine . Otherwise I don't spend any other time on Witness related matters .
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
It is an interesting mix of individuals . I still like the feeling of talking with people that understand because of our commom back ground.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
probably not
Do you fear the future? Not really ,I am concerned about our ecology .
I fear were our stupid government is leading us . I do not believe in Armageddon ,but I would not be surpised if humans become extinct eventually.
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
Prepare ahead by building a new support system of friends . Get involved with whatever interests you to keep busy . Look forward make plans ,try to stop looking back . Realize it will take time to adjust ,and don't give up it is so worth it to be free .
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
If I could go back I would go back to when I was 15 ,and tell myself 'now is the time to think for yourself don't let these other people control your life' . I would have gone on to college.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
Not since I have left other than , I would have given my husband more notice and handled my exit better . I would have never allowed the Elders to come to our home after we had been inactive for so long.
Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)
Not yet ,but I am thinking of doing a youtube video.
Want to share your own story? Please use the Interview with an Apostate: Template and post it in the Personal Experiences & Reunions section with the title "Interview with an Apostate: [your name or alias]"