Divorced Atheist ex-JW Dad

by braincleaned 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • braincleaned
    braincleaned

    I just wanted to chime in as a loving atheist father, divorced to a JW, and what plays as far as educating our children.

    We have shared custody but the kids are mainly with their mom - 11 and 14 respectively.

    The problem I face is keeping a balance for my children. I have turned atheist during our marriage, so my ex didn't have the spiritual support she signed up for anymore. I can understand it is not easy. Especially for my kids, that saw their father being a zealous pioneer, giving good talks from the platform, believing every word I said.

    In time, ironically, it was my deep personal study that made me question. Many elder meetings, and I must say, they were very nice, although incapable of answering my difficult questions. Even the Circuit Overseer told me I knew more than he, and that he couldn't rationalize any answers for me.

    Anyway, in time I drifted away, and my wife asked for the divorce - although on unbiblical grounds. It was too hard for her to live with my change of heart and mind. It was hard enough on her that she went thru being disfellowshipped for leaving me. At that point, I turned my attention to science, and have been utterly relieved by what I have learned about evolution, etc…

    So now the situation: She wants to continue bringing up the kids in the "truth" (sic), while I want to teach my kids critical thinking. She wants to teach them WHAT to think, I want to teach them HOW to think. But I decided that being brought up a JW didn't hurt me. That I followed my own path after all. In fact, I'm convinced that the more one knows one's Bible, the more the chances of choosing logic and reason at the end. So I will not hinder my kid's JW education. I will just encourage questioning and making their own mind up. In the meantime, I point to the beauty of Natural Selection, and other truisms. I do it with restraint and respect for their mom. On her side, it is obvious she doesn't push them nor try to talk bad about their dad's understanding. But fair enough, she teaches them what she believes to be the best for them. So do I… but not in a spirit of competition - the important thing is the well-being of the kids.

    I realize many of you ex-JWs still believe in God, but I do not. But I do believe in compromises that will help not tear apart our already broken family. I just wanted to share this with all of you.

    Feel free to comment and even criticize my view on this. I will respond respectfully.

    * I will say this; the WTS has turned out to be a lying and manipulative mind-controlling entity. They are dangerous in many ways. This I will counter as time goes by - a little at a time. The kids already had a good laugh at Sparlock, and they "get" the mind control thing. It will all work out. Either way, I must respect whatever path they choose. Here's hoping for the best.

  • whathappened
    whathappened

    You do love your kids...that is evident. Do your duty and educate them as best you can and let them know you will love them no matter what. May I suggest you read "the atheist book of bible stories?". Search for it on this site and there is a download. It is humorous and it will give your kids something to talk about.

  • braincleaned
    braincleaned

    Thank you whathappened! Sounds like a great idea. Will do.

  • EntirelyPossible
    EntirelyPossible

    tough spot, man, I am there, too, my kids are two years younger than yours (9 and 12). I sympathize.

  • talesin
    talesin

    I do believe in compromises that will help not tear apart our already broken family

    There is no more admirable goal.

    Love, and calm reason, will prevail.

    No matter what your kids' immediate choices, they will know a love that is true and forever. It will be with them, always.

    :)

  • braincleaned
    braincleaned

    Thank you all for the kind and encouraging comments. I do love them so much - and I know their mom loves them just as much. I want to keep this balancing act as discreet from the kids as possible. They see a lot themselves. I believe example speaks louder that words... and they see my side as a calming refuge. Unfortunately, my ex married a JW and they are having huge problems. So I don't have to preach - they see.

    I do miss my family unit though... it cost me to come out as an atheist. I just don't want my kids to pay more than they have already thru the divorce.
    I didn't want the divorce...

  • King Solomon
    King Solomon

    In fact, I'm convinced that the more one knows one's Bible, the more the chances of choosing logic and reason at the end. So I will not hinder my kid's JW education. I will just encourage questioning and making their own mind up.

    Yup, I agree.

    I'm an atheist (raised in JWs from 6-12, but not baptized), and went on to get a doctorate degree, etc. As much as I get accused of being a WT apologetist around here (), I AM thankful for what I got from the JWs: a love of reading and learning, basic thinking skills (of course, people like us OUTGROW JW logic quite quickly), the ability to stand up for what I believe in despite "persecution" (I got teased for not saluting the flag: made me STRONGER).

    I know people who never encountered religion in their childhood due to being raised by agnostic parents, and they basically went "Jesus-crazy" in their adult years, complete with the holy-rolling glassy-eyed look, etc. Point being, religion is a force to be encountered in one's life, and it's better to get it out of the way early on, so that one doesn't waste DECADES in search for TRUTHS that don't exist...

  • Nice_Dream
    Nice_Dream

    You sound like a great Dad. Perhaps by compromising and allowing your children to have a JW education now, your ex wife will be open to your children pursuing further education in the future. That is the only thing I regret about being raised a JW, the lack of further education.

  • braincleaned
    braincleaned

    Well said King Solomon !

    Yes Nice_Dream - she is a reasonable JW, and does believe in our kids going to college and get the best education possible. I'm thankful she's not a zealot. I don't have to fight her. But I do have to keep my kid's sprockets turning and alert... slowly, but surely. I know my ex has serious doubts - but she is too fearful to question. The WTS got her good.

  • braincleaned
    braincleaned

    King Solomon //I AM thankful for what I got from the JWs: a love of reading and learning, basic thinking skills (of course, people like us OUTGROW JW logic quite quickly), the ability to stand up for what I believe in despite "persecution" (I got teased for not saluting the flag: made me STRONGER).// I relate. I was pushed to read more, appreciate study, public talking, public reading (I was the WT reader at the meetings). I have a lot to be thankful for -- but as you said, if we are consistent, we do grow out of the JW's logic, naturally. And yes, I too had the flag thing to teach me to stand up to authority (of course that backfired with the WTS and I).So I'm not too worried about my kids. They usually ask me the theocratic questions their mom can't really answer. Ironic. I give them the WT answer, then I suggest my take on it by asking a pertinent question. I let them figure it out without puking on the WTS. That serves no pupose.

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