I told my wife that I had been talking to her aunt (who has faded a long time ago) about life after being a JW. My wife made a couple comments to her about it via email - about how she was nervous leaving behind being a JW. My wife's aunt sent a nice email back. My wife said she really enjoyed the email. Here it is:
You are never dumping on me - I'm glad you can get some of this out... I know how intense and scary it can be.
I had to go through alot of deprograming myself before I was really able to put some of that guilt and fear down. I worked alot with my therepist (yep - had one of those for a while) to understand why I felt the way I did and how I could get to that inner child enough to allow her to heal... therepy was life saving for me. Along with the abandonment of having a father that drank - also came a mother who in some ways loved us conditionally (it felt that way as a child) based on our choice of religion (I know and believe in my heart now that was the only way your Grandma could have gotten through her life and raised us - so there is no anger..... anymore ).
I have done a good bit of research on my own too - it doesn't all match up. Honestly - I think it is a good thing for some people - it helps them stay steady. But - for me, I have a good mind and heart and can stay steady with my core belief system and knowing I live a good, solid life. I've spoken to some of my freinds about it and for me - finally getting to know myself and what was inside my heart helped me alot.
I have so many wonderful friends in my life (non JW's) and you don't find those types of people unless you too have a solid and good heart.... Your self worth should never be equated to how many hours you rank in service - it just doesn't make sense....
You and [your husband] are good, smart, caring, wonderful parents - you have the skills and know-how. Whether or not you go to meetings will never change that - period. I'm happy you both have each other to get through this... He loves you and the girls VERY much and has respect and honor for you and your marrage... Again - going to or not going to meetings will not change that one bit.
When he and I spoke - I did tell him that moving away was a good thing for me because I felt that I was better able to keep my family relationships close enough, but not too close - and that enabled everyone (including myself) not to have to make a decision about cutting off or not....
I also said it would be very scary - when something is all you know - moving away from it is sooooo scary... the thing to remember is this: the only thing you are changing is a religion - not your love for god, not your belief system, not you being a spiritual person, not your morals, not your love for your family, not your honesty and integrity... It is not like you and [your husband] have been ax murderers all your life and the only thing stopping you was the meetings.... That would be crazy - right?
Ok - now I'm dumping on you ........
Just keep talking, praying and reading - God still listens to your prayers even when you are not a JW - trust me.... Honestly - I have a better, stronger, closer relationship with god now then I ever did... I know you will find your way through all of this..... Keep talking... Get it out and think it through rationally without what has been drilled into us.......... Keep an open mind and heart to new things and learnings.
Always 100% in confidence - always.
I'm here.... Love you.
I thought it was good for her to get this. I get to hear from you guys on JWD all the time that everything will be cool, and that I am not an arrogant nutjob and crazy for leaving the JWs. But my wife doesn't, and I don't feel comfortable telling her about JWD yet - or giving her CoC or ISOCF to read. So this email from her aunt (her mom's sister) was nice. I called her aunt up and thanked her for sending that email.
-ithinkisee